Do you have to be a bit ruthless to get ahead at work?

[Beezknees]

Not sure if it's an AIBU. Just pondering really. I've been a lone parent my entire adult life and I've been happy pottering along in "jobs" rather than aiming for a career as I didn't really have the energy with a young child too. Started a new role last year in a large company with scope for progress and promotions, DS older now and doesn't really need me much any more so I've been thinking it would be nice to do something for me and aim higher, earn some more money.

But I feel as though you have to be pretty ruthless and for "yourself" to work your way up. I don't mean being horrible to people, but not concerned with being popular or everybody's friend. I've not been there as long as some people on the team but I've been given more opportunities already as I'm outperforming them (not a boast, we are shown in the stats). I'm starting to wonder if they'd maybe resent me for it! But I guess that to get ahead, you can't worry about things like that. Is this just how it is?

@Macbeff brilliant

My career has rocketed since I hit 40. I was in a caring role (social worker) before and felt completely overworked, overwhelmed, under appreciated with very little chance of progression. Understood that the shit was going to hit the fan post COVID so left.

Since starting my new job in a new field, I've suddenly got quite successful so maybe it's all relative to the industry you are in. Some other variables that may have impacted impacted though are: I got older, I had a surgical menopause (it made me a bit more assertive due to not giving two shits about upsetting people who don't mind upsetting me) and I got married after being a single parent for nearly a decade. Not sure really. Is it status? Ruthlessness? Age? Lack of oestrogen? Certain professions lend more easily to success? Privilege? I'm not sure you can put success down to one attribute.

You definitely can’t worry about people resenting you. Firstly you’d never get anywhere worrying about that and secondly, your success is not their failure – it’s just your success.

I've got ahead by being very competent, very efficient and being a hard worker - just getting a hell of a lot done and a hell of a lot happening.
I've never gone for catch ups without purpose or (worst nightmare) 'walking the floor' as a previous manager used to call it. But I do make sure I provide updates and reporting on work I'm doing and loop in the right people for visibility.
I've not trodden on other people to achieve it and always highlight when someone else has had an idea or done something impressive - I name drop the people in my team often.

I earn £70k-£80k a year (not too bad for west coast Scotland ) and while I don’t suffer fools and don’t think twice about openly questioning things that are not right I do it politely and constructively and have never been ruthless. I Tried managing people a few times, loved mentoring the younger and enthusiastic, but didn’t enjoy dealing with challenging behaviours - so moved away from that side.

One of my key strengths (so my boss tells me) is my willingness to share knowledge and mentor others, when others in the wider team try to hoard knowledge as power. My approach has always been show someone else how to do it so I don’t need to! But this just means they always give me harder things to do 🤦🏻‍♀️