To be scared to live in the UK

[Edemummy]

Hi all, please tell me what do you honestly think? I am working myself all up, but maybe for no reason at all..
I have lived in the UK for the last 15 years, but was born in Russia and lived there until I was 25. I have been back twice since then, 4 days and a week. Keep in touch with my mum via Whatsapp and very rarely with brother and other relatives.
I am a naturalised citizen in the UK for nearly 10 years now, my hubby is English and I have 2 children, primary and pre-school age, who don't speak any Russian at all and our entire world is British.
Every time I read news/ social media/ TV I get this awful anxiety. I am horrified that Russia had actually invaded Ukraine and in no uncertain terms I disagree with it, however I find it difficult to cope with the amount of negativity associated with Russia. Sometimes it feels that there is no differentiation between the current government and anyone/ anything who is connected with that country in any way. Technically speaking, I am only 1/4 Russian, and one of my grandads was a Ukrainian so it's all very painful for me.
My husband doesn't understand why I am so worried, but I can't help but think that it is only a matter of time when things will start getting really dangerous for people who are from Russia and live in the UK? What do you honestly think, is this likely to happen? I am talking about physical violence, not able to get a job type of treatment, being frozen out generally. I am worried that it will impact the children as well. I know this is a dooms day type of scenario but sometimes I really do believe that things will get this bad. Especially after reading a lot of people's comments online on this, it is getting really scary.

Very unlikely.

There are a lot of Russian people in the Uk who are here precisely because they don't or didn't agree with what their government is doing and this is well known.

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily. The vast majority of people understand that it’s not like every Russian person supports the war. I don’t support a lot of what the Uk government does!

I'm really not seeing these attitudes anywhere in the UK. Sorry you're scared, I can understand you being worried, though. It's scary times we live in.

In general and specifically with this war, I find fellow Brits are readily able to distinguish between Russian civilians and the aggressive warmongering Russian government.

I have a Russian neighbour and nobody feels at all negative towards her that I know of. I know she was very upset when Russia first invaded Ukraine because her family there didn't know the truth.

Sometimes it feels that there is no differentiation between the current government and anyone/ anything who is connected with that country in any way.

I'm British and I haven't heard any reporting that lumps all Russian people (or 1/4 Russian people!) into one group. Russia as an country, yes, but the coverage that I've seen and heard is laying the blame for the invasion of Ukraine firmly at Putin's door. Yes, it would appear that many (particularly older) Russians are firmly supportive of Putin, but IMO they've been brainwashed, not least because the only media that's easy for them to access is propaganda spewed out from from the Russian state. Younger Russians, on the whole, seem to be much more cynical and critical of Putin and access media from outside Russia that shows them the other side. Please don't worry OP! Most Brits are perfectly capable of critical thought and won't assume you're pro-Putin if you live here and have a British DH and British DC.

I can understand the fear, but I too am not seeing these attitudes in the UK. If anything, within my circle at least, it's understood Putin is a law unto himself and we've seen on the news the brave Russians risking their lives to protest the regime.

One thing I would say is I hope you aren't ashamed of being Russian and to please please please teach your children the language. It's so beneficial to grow up bilingual, even if they never use the language as an adult just the skills used to learn the language can really help with other things.

I don't think you'd find this at all OP. I live in London we meet people all the time from countries who are doing dubicious things. I don't blame the Americans here for the rollback of abortion rights, I don't blame the Iranian's here for Iran's human rights failures and I don't blame the Chinese here for the abuse of the Uyghurs. These decisions are all made far too high above anyones paygrade for us to be able to meaningfully influence it. If anything I assume people here are more likely to be anti these things and choosing to distance themselves from their country.

If you come here and act warmly and kindly to everyone they will be thinking of nothing else! The worst you might have is some busybodies probing you on how you feel about the war- you might want to think ahead of time how you would like to answer these queries- but certainly nothing dangerous.

Just because you are from a particular country, it doesn’t mean you align with the politics of that nation.

The governments often operate completely out of keeping with what the electorate want anyway.

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily.
Most people aren't going to hold you accountable for a governments actions. I disagree vehemently with most of the UK governments decisions and so do a lot of the country!

I think you would be very safe and welcome.

Unlikely you will face any fallout. People have moved on to blaming Muslims for Hamas.

Have you experienced this personally OP? If you haven't, you need to remember that absolutely everything you read/see/watch online or via other publishing routes is propaganda during a war. It may well be the case that the British govt is justified in its support of Ukraine but they have to make sure public opinion is on their side in order to pay for it. Individual people will have a much more nuanced view. I think you probably know this already, but it never hurts to have a bit of a break from media of all kinds.

I work with several people of Russian nationality. Like you, they've been here years. All of them without exception look on in horror at what's happening right now. No one in our place of work thinks 'oh they're Russian, they must support Putin'.

I understand why you're worried, but I don't think you need to be. You won't be held accountable for what's going on.

Now if only people would come and post this on the muslim bashing threads.

OP as long as you aren’t muslim you aren’t obliged to profusely apologise or constantly repeat that you aren’t aligned with x,y or z even if you may have never have heard of them.

Do NOT read online comments. Those are the only things that could have convinced you that something like this could happen. To most of us, and the average 1/4 Russian with British citizenship, this would sound like a really out there conspiracy theory. It is only the sheer insanity and vitriol of things like Twitter that can convince you that it has ANY grounding in reality. Think about it. They would have to repeal the entire Equality Act which makes all the discrimination you mention illegal. And that’s the point - the Equality Act is there to stop us returning to a darker time when something like this could ever happen or be accepted.

I’m so sorry you’re scared but please stop reading these online comments, wherever they are and no matter how “real” they claim they are, and just focus on reading other things for a while. It will definitely lower your anxiety.

I have Russian colleagues and friends and Israeli colleagues and friends, as well as many from Arabic countries. It is a tense time but none of them are anticipating being badly discriminated against. I think they are internally stressed, and anxious, and upset, but I don't see this spilling outwards. My husband is from a place where people have historically discriminated against them as well, and we have found it fine living in the UK (I'm originally British).

I am so sad for Russians, I know many, and have Russian heritage for my children as well, and I hope once this war is over to visit Russia on a tour.

Please don't worry about this, but nip any nastiness/prejudice in the bud, if anything starts up at school. I've had to visit my child's school to ask them to have a 'talk' about not telling my children to 'go home'. Chinese students were shouted at during early Covid times. This type of prejudice must be stamped on.

Can I also just say that some ethnicities can be more easily hidden in times of war/distress, and if you are say a hijab-wearing woman this is not the case and so more likely to attract active prejudice, my dd saw a hijab-wearing woman abused in the street about 6 months ago and gave a statement to the police who were coming on the scene.

I'm confused why you're feeling this way now, 2 years after the invasion? If anything was going to happen backlash wise, surely it would be then?

I haven't seen or heard anything to lend itself to this either, op, so I agree with others that you're worrying unnecessarily

Thank you so much for all of your replies, it brought tears to my eyes! Yes of course, I do agree with everything and this is exactly how I feel, we are all human underneath our nationalities etc.
The problem is exactly that, that I do read a lot of online stuff, probably quite anxious to see some good news but inevitably finding more bad ones and the comments that go with it.
Thank you again, my husband also pleads with me to stay off news/ internet and perhaps I should listen to him for once.

I think everybody understands that Russia is in the hands of a psychopath and nobody would think you in any way to blame for that.

That's really awful, and I do feel so sorry for people who experience this sort of abuse.

I can empathise- there is a lot of vitriol online towards Russians, and "Othering"
I say this as a Palestinian myself, living in the UK, that I am on the daily, reading and hearing (online mostly) how I pretty much might as well be responsible for the Middle East and that I don't want peace, that I am vermin and that the occupation my family are living under on a daily basis in the WB is made up, that we technically don't exist, never have and never should; that apparently Palestinian women have no rights and no education and all we have is evil in our hearts. I am made to feel responsible, and hearing that me saying enough is enough is hate speech.

My child's school (CoE) has a prayer wall for all victims, but there's only the flag of Sudan Congo and Ukraine. The school has many children of BAME, many Palestinians and many muslims too. They refuse to put the Palestinian flag up when students asked if they can pray for children in Gaza, as it's 'too political'. What message is that sending to kids exactly? My son said he doesn't feel like he belongs.

I can also say that many of our Jewish cousins, Israeli or not feel the same way- it's hard on all sides, and the harmful and hurtful comments are plastered everywhere in every direction, and that is isolating. Our collective experience is isolating in unique ways.

I sometimes feel I should leave and emigrate somewhere else, seeing as my kind are deemed a problem, but often have to remind myself that there are a great many tolerant people here, that aside from the spineless politicians, many people in the real world understand nuance.

I didn't want to hijack- but thought I would share my personal experience :)

I felt like that for the past 2 years :( only now I have almost reached a stage of willing to leave the country and go live somewhere else until things settle. Only it would be hugely disruptive for our family and I've grown to realise that you can't always run away from your feelings.

You will be fine lovely-,if there is any animosity at all- it's usually at those Russians who are obscenely rich through association with Putin ( think superyacht level) - not your average citizen here with a bit of Russian heritage.

@Edemummy where would you go? In most of Western Europe it is going to be similarly perceived to the UK, and even in Eastern Europe there are huge divides within communities, between young and older people, those who identify as Russian heritage and those looking towards Europe. These are not settled matters. I can't imagine you are wanting to return to Russia with your children only being 1/4 Russian?

We went through a phase where my husband's country was constantly in the news in very derogatory ways and it was very upsetting, but it's important to transmit your children's culture (and your own) in a positive way at home, giving them confidence say in being interested in Russian food or music but not the politics of it all, so they know they are international citizens of the world, this can be complex but I don't see the rationale for moving countries right now.