To be scared to live in the UK

[Edemummy]

Hi all, please tell me what do you honestly think? I am working myself all up, but maybe for no reason at all..
I have lived in the UK for the last 15 years, but was born in Russia and lived there until I was 25. I have been back twice since then, 4 days and a week. Keep in touch with my mum via Whatsapp and very rarely with brother and other relatives.
I am a naturalised citizen in the UK for nearly 10 years now, my hubby is English and I have 2 children, primary and pre-school age, who don't speak any Russian at all and our entire world is British.
Every time I read news/ social media/ TV I get this awful anxiety. I am horrified that Russia had actually invaded Ukraine and in no uncertain terms I disagree with it, however I find it difficult to cope with the amount of negativity associated with Russia. Sometimes it feels that there is no differentiation between the current government and anyone/ anything who is connected with that country in any way. Technically speaking, I am only 1/4 Russian, and one of my grandads was a Ukrainian so it's all very painful for me.
My husband doesn't understand why I am so worried, but I can't help but think that it is only a matter of time when things will start getting really dangerous for people who are from Russia and live in the UK? What do you honestly think, is this likely to happen? I am talking about physical violence, not able to get a job type of treatment, being frozen out generally. I am worried that it will impact the children as well. I know this is a dooms day type of scenario but sometimes I really do believe that things will get this bad. Especially after reading a lot of people's comments online on this, it is getting really scary.

I'm really sorry if anyone has made you feel that way, OP. My feeling is that the greater majority of people in the UK know Putin is as mad as a shithouse rat and do not agree that him invading Ukraine was a good move.

I was chatting to a woman at my work the other day. She openly disclosed she was Russian (I didn't ask). I suspect if she had been on the receiving end of abuse because of her nationality, she wouldn't have volunteered that information.

I don't think people look at Putin and think he represents all Russians.

I think most people understand that the Russian state is different to the the Russian people.

YANBU, I have friends who are Russian and they feel just like you. Anxious, fearful. Some have decided to say they are Ukranian when the “where are you from?” question comes up as it often does in public from curious strangers because they get a MUCH better reception than saying they are from Russia. Besides it’s no one’s business what your other nationality is as you are now British too. You don’t owe a curious stranger this information.

All I can say is that it will not last. There will be a new conflict or event and everyone will be on to denigrating another nationality. I think Americans have a good chance of being next up for supplying 99% of the weapons being used to commit genocide- and not just in Gaza. There was a lot of anti-American sentiment in the U.K. when they tried to keep some nukes here in the U.K.

It comes and goes, which nationality gets the grumpy 😠 face. Russians are no different imho. So stick it out, or leave but it will pass.

I've got two Russian friends who are so pleased that they left Russia, political asylum, they have actually changed their name because they are concerned about Russian security agents coming for them. Not saying there's no anti Russian feeling but if you openly oppose Putin people will not be blaming you.

I don't think most people blame the residents of these countries at all but the government. Honestly, it's not as if Russians or Chinese people get a say in who they are ruled by, so it is clear to everyone it's the people in charge not the will of the people (no matter how hard they try to convince everyone).

The fact you are here in the first place shows at the minimum a curiosity of life outside Russia, which hopefully has been good and not traumatic for you, so there would be no reason for anyone to imagine you weren't happy to be here. You are free to leave at any time if that changes!

"The only group in the UK who should be afraid are Jewish, but even they need only fear a Muslim minority, and perhaps a few left-wing nutjobs, like Corbyn and his brother"

Do you honestly believe that?

You think that racism is no longer an issue? That Islamophobia is a thing of the past?

Nobody in their right mind would ever blame you for Russia’s problems just as you wouldn’t blame every UK national for Rishi Sunaks mistakes! Please don’t worry!

Yes, we're very lucky to live in a country that gives it's citizens a completely honest account of world affairs. It's great to be one of the good guys 👌.
Those poor Russians

Oh god, don't forget Brexit!
I still get an irrational urge to apologise to people about that when we are abroad!

I think your average person couldn't care less to be honest. I think they've moved on to Gaza vs Israel.

THIS

you are white and not a Muslim you should be Ok OP.

I don’t recommend being Jewish either . I’ve never felt as terrified as I have over the last 7 months. I feel every Jew is somehow personally complicit in the deaths of the innocent civilians caught up in this nightmare. All I want is for Jews and Palestinians to stop wanting to wipe one another off the planet but there’s nothing I can do to make it stop and for the crazy extremists in both areas to stop the madness. I feel heartbroken for all of us but don’t want to be unsafe whenever I go out. I feel your pain OP. You have no influence over Putin and his henchmen . And in an ideal world no one will hold what is happening in Russia against you. You don’t have to try be the right sort of Russian anymore than I should have to try show I’m the right type of Jew or any Muslim should have to show they’re not supporting Hamas. Stay strong everyone. We aren’t the ones with blood on our hands 💐

I can relate to your feelings. I was born in Bosnia to Serbian parents, we escaped in 1994 to Serbia only to live through the 1999 air campaign. My family never supported Milosevic and his cohorts yet when I came to UK to study I was repeatedly called genocidal, asked if I feel guilty over Srebrenica etc. I felt I needed to justify myself over and over again, to complete strangers, and for years I felt hesitant to say I was Serbian.

From that point of view, I can understand your concern as these things DO happen - people do believe in collective guilt and they do look at you differently if they don’t have the ability to distinguish between government and civilians. But, I’ve lived here for the last 20 years and I do think that things have changed for the better. I wouldn’t go as far as some apps to claim that there is no prejudice at all (see what’s happening to Muslims in general/Palestinians/Jewish…), but I don’t believe physical violence etc is likely. And even at its worst (for me!) I didn’t feel let down by the system here (jobs, uni, etc)

And blaming Jews for Israel's behaviour

@Nicehamsandwich thank you, I feel the same. stay strong too.

@Limberinta thank you. Not to the extent as I have described in my first post, but I have been on the receiving end of various rants from a family member, a school mum, a stranger and some others.
On a wider, society scale, a pub in a nearby village had proudly announced on Facebook, not long after the invasion, that they had cancelled some "Russian evening" event. It was probably some Russian food event for locals who have connections to post Soviet countries... I thought then what has Russian food got to do with Putin and the war. So it's things like that.
I also feel for everyone else who struggles against prejudice, Muslims, Jewish people, even the British are constantly reminded of the past wrongdoings... but while there are regular warning messages from government against Islamophobia, antisemitism, support for black people who are being discriminated against, I have never heard any communication of that type concerning Russians in the UK. Perhaps because there have not been any really bad incidents so far...
Hopefully it will stay this way.

Unless your surname is Putin I don't think anyone would associate a random Russian woman with the actions of the current Russian government.

In the same way that most people don't associate Jewish citizens with the abhorrent actions of the Israeli government.

As a Brit, if people held me responsible for the actions of our government I'd be pretty horrified!

My DHs grandfather defected from Italy during the war. There was always a couple of people with a comment but by and large people were welcoming.

its like every aspect of life: most are rational and intelligent but there may be a few idiots out there but you have to try ignore that minority

If you might want to live abroad (or even if you decide not to) please teach your children Russian. It's a very useful language in many countries, and you never know what opportunities might open up for them later in life. DS is very glad to have learned some from his dad, even though he's mostly self taught these days. We live in the EU and I think he probably knows more Russian speakers than English speakers at this point!

The only families I know with a Russian parent (older - all with teens now) just say that their teens are moody about going to visit grandparents in the holidays because they don’t want comments from their friends about it. But other than that I haven’t heard of any problems.

In the same way that most people don't associate Jewish citizens with the abhorrent actions of the Israeli government.

Enough do feel like that though. The Jewish chaplain at our university is living in a safe house with his family, after a campaign of hate on campus.

The electricity box on our street has had swastikas and vile comments graffitied on it. I’ve had people who know I’m Jewish making regular references to whatever they may say, Jewish people all support the way. I’m an atheist. I have no belief in a God or any higher power. But I’m ethnically fully Jewish and don’t want to feel I’m at risk because this is what I happen to be. I don’t want to have to feel ashamed or complicit or have people being hostile . I don’t go into certain parts of the city because I don’t feel safe there anymore. I don’t feel the police or the government take responsibility for safety. They say the right things but in reality we aren’t remotely safe .

I don’t think you have to worry. I think most people know it’s Putin and his cronies causing the problem and not the general Russian people. I work in an environment where there are some Russian people and have no issue with them.