To be scared to live in the UK

[Edemummy]

Hi all, please tell me what do you honestly think? I am working myself all up, but maybe for no reason at all..
I have lived in the UK for the last 15 years, but was born in Russia and lived there until I was 25. I have been back twice since then, 4 days and a week. Keep in touch with my mum via Whatsapp and very rarely with brother and other relatives.
I am a naturalised citizen in the UK for nearly 10 years now, my hubby is English and I have 2 children, primary and pre-school age, who don't speak any Russian at all and our entire world is British.
Every time I read news/ social media/ TV I get this awful anxiety. I am horrified that Russia had actually invaded Ukraine and in no uncertain terms I disagree with it, however I find it difficult to cope with the amount of negativity associated with Russia. Sometimes it feels that there is no differentiation between the current government and anyone/ anything who is connected with that country in any way. Technically speaking, I am only 1/4 Russian, and one of my grandads was a Ukrainian so it's all very painful for me.
My husband doesn't understand why I am so worried, but I can't help but think that it is only a matter of time when things will start getting really dangerous for people who are from Russia and live in the UK? What do you honestly think, is this likely to happen? I am talking about physical violence, not able to get a job type of treatment, being frozen out generally. I am worried that it will impact the children as well. I know this is a dooms day type of scenario but sometimes I really do believe that things will get this bad. Especially after reading a lot of people's comments online on this, it is getting really scary.

If you are getting very upset about it all, I suggest you either get offline, or you start hanging out with anti-Putin Russians of whom there are many in the UK! They are politically active for a better Russia. Personally though, I'd get off the internet and live your best life here, which is definitely possible.

I think I'd feel similar to you but I think it's your (my) personality... a bit of a imposter syndrome, may be or just hyper awareness of these things?

I also have a Russian neighbour. She has made it clear, she is not against Putin and thinks it's all being blown out of proportion in the West. She is so confident, speaking to everybody, etc. She is not worried one little bit someone may dislike her for political reasons (or other).
Told me she had a bit of row with the school admin when they had Ukraine fundraising day, reminding them of the wrongs the British have done historically...

If you are white and not a Muslim you should be Ok OP.
My DH is German and we have a German surname, my DC get the piss taken out of them - apparently they need to have a whole assembly on using racist terms at the sons school (which I agree with ) but no action could be taken against someone calling him a Nazi repeatedly. DS is very proud of his heritage and gives no shits about it.
I don't know anyone at all who has an issue with Russians as people rather than as a regime

Gosh I am so sorry you are going through this, it's just wrong. How the hell are we ever going to move on from past mistakes if every new generation is going to perpetuate the racial/ nationalist hatred? I think as a humanity we all understand that we can and should all get on, and yet time and again things like that go on and on.

As a Russian emigre in the UK, you are more at risk from Putin & his thugs than you are from the British public.

Please don't feel worried. I don't know anyone who would even consider you a problem.

@datcherygrateful my heart breaks for Palestinian civilians, the kids, newborn babies...

I think most people realise that whilst Putin is a war mongering extremely dangeous man ,that ,its not the fault of the average Russian citizen
Despite what you read on mumsnet the UK is a fairly tolerant country, and whilst there maybe pockets of people that are racist ,homophobic etc, most people just want a,quiet life and no trouble.

This had always been my impression of the UK and why I loved it in the first place x

@username2373 what a "character"

as others have said, I think people here understand that Russia is in the hands of a dictator, and they do not blame individuals for Putin's actions.

I have friends from all over Eastern Europe. I have sat and held the hand of my Ukrainian friend as she cried over her home city being destroyed in the early days of the war, but I have never once felt that I should blame my Russian friends. Instead I feel like we are all losers to this awful regime which is destroying both Russia and Ukraine.

But has anything happened to you in the last 2 years? No hopefully. So try and use that as positive reinforcement rather than leaning into your anxiety that's not provided any help to you at all x

I understand your anxiety but yes you are probably worrying unnecessarily. This is not to say that you and your children may never have to deal with prejudice just that I doubt it will be to the levels you mention.

Most people do understand that the diaspora of any country or community living in the UK are not responsible for the actions of those governments/groups. But yes there are always some idiots that will be prejudiced and abusive. This is why both Islamophobia and Anti-semitism has increased. It's so stupid and utterly disgraceful.

And as someone of East Asian heritage, I did experience abuse during covid, something I have not had to deal with since my childhood. And the number of times I was asked what the CCP were doing and did I know anything was hilarious.

Honestly, I think the vast majority of British people fully understand that most Russian people living here are living here at least partly because they don't support the Russian government. Please don't feel unsafe. I can understand how difficult it must be, but I promise you most people are going to completely understand your situation.

I'm sure there are certainly some pro-Putin Russians living in the UK, but I suspect they're actually outnumbered by pro-Putin British people! I've encountered a few of those, on both extreme ends of the political spectrum.

UANBU to be scared. I think there has been a massive increase in intolerance, xenophobia and racism in general recently. It's easy for people say actually it's very safe here, nothing has actually happened... but in reality, uou can't always pinpoint the uneasy glances, the disproving wince when you say where you're from, the constant negative press etc.
Rationally, it might be true that there is nothing to worry about, but it doesn't always feel like that.

I think that on a day-to-day level, most people will take you as they find you and be perfectly comfortable around you as an individual even if they express anti-Russian views more broadly in relation to the war with Ukraine. I don't think it would stop you getting a job or have consequences for your children.

On an unrelated note, if you are Russian, please teach your children Russian language. It may open many doors to them in the future if they are bilingual.

Really sorry you feel that way OP. I hope the comments here can offer some reassurance. DDs friend's Mum is from Russia and I also have friend who's wife is from Lithuania but ethnically Russian. I hope we can all recognise that individual people aren't responsible for the actions of a government. In my case, people calling themselves Irish Americans in the USA told me how much they hated me for being English as it was apparently my fault the English (in the past) government did all that stuff to the Irish. Unfortunately one can't reason with people like that. I hope they are rare here (but suspect they may not be).

You'll probably come across the odd arsehole who will be an arsehole to you (but they are going to be arseholes to a whole host of other people), but other than that, I think you're worrying unnecessarily. My friend's wife is Russian – fully Russian, has a strong accent – and she does not experience any trouble.

You seem to be seeking out the nastier parts of the internet. There are some foul people out there, just let them live in their dark corners and take no notice of them, better don't go there at all.

But I can't say I've come across any anti Russian civilian things (apart from why on earth do they support Putin). Anti Putin, anti Oligarchs, anti behaviour of some elements of the Russian army, and sympathy for Ukraine. I know many families are split between Russia and Ukraine which makes the Russian aggression so unbelievable to many in Russia and Ukraine, a Ukrainian I know said to me the Russians are our brothers in total disbelief of the invasion.

I think you are as safe as anyone else in the UK, which I hope is pretty safe.

I think the uk becomes more racist and xenophobic rather than less so. Your children presumably have their fathers surname and British accents so I doubt will be impacted much.

I don't typically assume that any Americans I encounter in the UK are Trump supporters. In fact I generally assume that unless they are wearing a MAGA cap they are anti-Trump, as those who travel to other countries aren’t typically in his block of core voters.

Likewise I don't assume that a Russian person in the UK is a Putin supporter, unless they make it obvious. A Russian woman locally put out a video when the invasion happened, saying that she's got family on both sides of the border, that many Russians do not support the invasion (even if they dare not speak out), and repeating the "we are brothers" sentiments like a PP posted about. Most of us are aware that many Russians have fled the country to escape the regime.

Even during the height of the Cold War I think the majority of people understood that the ordinary Russian people did not want war, and were suffering under their government actions.

I now again just feel very sorry for the Russian people who are stuck with this terrible regime.

From reports online, on TV and on radio, the group facing a backlash at the moment seems to be Jewish people.🤷‍♀️

This is the Uk, Op. Not Russia.

Chances are things will continue the same in here.

I’ve heard lots of criticism of Putin and his regime from members of the public, but none for Russian people generally. I think you’ll be fine, and are very welcome.

I think generally people in the UK have other things to worry about.

It's not pleasant when people are negative about your home country especially when your fellow countrymen don't help themselves by their actions. That said, the world moves on politically and economically, and you did say you're only 25% Russian so people aren't going to blame you as an individual.

I don't think the UK feels differently to the most of the western world so try not to think about it too much and focus on the positive things.