Just after some advice on a situation which might sound like a bit of a non-situation, but is causing me some annoyance.
My DH does a hobby that involves a lot of weekends away, I enjoy going along, so it’s become a bit of a family hobby and we have met a network of friends through it.
There’s a couple a similar age to us - the guy does the hobby and his GF often comes along. Increasingly my DH and this GF have been ‘bantering’ a lot in a way that looks to me like high school flirting - constant joke insults to each other etc. They were doing it a lot at a recent event, and now in the comments of a social media post. I’m starting to feel a bit annoyed by it. We rarely see them and don’t live nearby - I don’t think they’re about to embark on a steamy affair or anything, I just don’t want to feel (or look to others) disrespected. I never do similar with her partner, we have a laugh in the group in general but nothing like slinging joke insults at each other. We’re all late 30’s, for context - it’s all a bit silly.
My DH is very anti-cheating and I’m sure won’t view this as flirting, I think he would be horrified if someone actually came on to him. However, I feel he sometimes lacks respect for me in his actions, and is very defensive and dismissive when I bring up feelings that include any criticism of him, real or perceived. We haven’t been in a great place recently. So I’m hesitant to bring it up with him. As for the woman, I do like her apart from this and we do get on - but I can’t say I 100%, unreservedly like and trust her - she’s given me more than a few backhanded compliments and has been quite patronising to me on occasion - out of earshot of others. She’s very much a ‘one of the boys’ type, and from comments she’s made I get the impression she’s insecure in some ways.
What’s annoying is this hobby has a big yearly event in a hot country that they all went along to last year and stayed together in a villa, it’s in term time so I didn’t go as DS had started school, we’ve moved to a new area away from family this year so although I could possibly go along, with lots of family favours called in to come over to pick up DS from school and look after him all weekend, I’m not sure I can be arsed. It would mean me spending a few hundred quid on flights and relying on (his) family goodwill, plus potentially unsettling DS when he’s just moved up a class. However the idea of DH and this woman’s ‘banter’ going on all weekend with her in a bikini, and me stuck at home with DS, is making me feel pretty icky.
Many years ago I struggled with bad jealousy in my early relationships, now after healing trauma, building self confidence and DH being generally trustworthy I feel I’m well past that, so it’s horrible to feel that old familiar sinking feeling in my chest about this.
So, I’m asking for opinions. Please be kind!
YABU - verbal banter doesn’t cross any lines, you’d be controlling by bringing it up. Just concentrate on doing things that improve your own self confidence and let them get on with it. If it does get too much, her partner will soon notice.
YANBU - if it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s not ‘nothing’ and it’s right to bring it up with DH, you shouldn’t have to hide how you feel about their actions. Best nip it in the bud before it potentially causes embarrassment.