To consider leaving DP?

[RottenTomatoes959]

Myself and my DP have been together for 7 years.

He's been an excellent partner so far, both still living in our respective family homes as saving for a mortgage and house prices where we live have gone completely off the rails. I also have a DS from a previous relationship.

Onto the main bit, which tbf is something I've known for a couple years but its becoming a problem for me as I'm turning 30 this year.
He doesn't believe in marriage and also doesn't want a child of his own, I used to think i could sacrifice those things as I loved him so much but as I'm getting older and I'm watching people I know get engaged and have babies it's affecting me emotionally a lot more than I thought it would.

He has said a couple times when I've brought it up that maybe after we buy the house and are living together he'd change his mind, but I don't think I want to make such a big commitment for a maybe?

When I've spoken to friends they do say that if I love him enough it shouldn't be a big deal to not get married, but now I'm thinking if he loves me enough why can't he be the one to compromise.

I think if it was either the marriage or the child I could sacrifice one for the other, but the fact its both is playing on my mind, but at the same time I'm terrified of starting over at 30.

Short story here is that he is absolutely not willing to commit to you, you will watch your fertile years fly by and it will cause resentment. Would you consider having a sperm donor? ( my cousin did this). But tbh I would finish it.

I sincerely hope you'll find the courage as all your posts scream "he is not the one!"

Good luck with building your new life in your new location.

I don't believe in marriage children and mortgages are far more of a commitment. I left my x took our 2 and 8 year old 1/2 house equity and savings and he paid maintenence for the children. His new partner much clever than I x2 children married snd divorced within 3 years - she took hum for everything he ended up living at his parents. So there are some legal things security wise to consider. Mt new partnerc(been together 10 years now) has an adult daughter and we dont want more children and are happy - difference is your not and you should be on the same page no begging him to change his mind. 30 is very young - of course you can start again... time to start living

I don't believe in marriage children and mortgages are far more of a commitment

I think, for men, it's marriage thats the big commitment, not kids or mortgage. Thats why so many of them are reluctant to get married but quite happy to have kids and get mortgages.

I think this assumption is valid but goes too far, if he’s not interested in having kids but saving to buy a home with a partner who already has one , I doubt biology comes into it, the idea that he would like this child less than his own is just projection.

dude could have been set on one child since he was young and they already have it.

There’s definitely an anti marriage push amongst young men, even the ones who think they aren’t influenced by the ‘manosphere’ ,

They’ve repeatedly been told they get the short end of the stick, despite a woman forfeiting her life and best earning years to act like their mother. They want this without marriage so there can’t be a divorce settlement

I agree with others - I'd throw this one back. You haven't lived together, he doesn't want marriage or children which you do.

No offence, but you've had a kid with another bloke, so I can see why he doesn't want to tie himself legally to you.

You are right to assume that going it alone post 30 as a single mum is unlikely to be a path lined with high calibre men.

If you were childless my advice would be to move on.

it's a riskier move for you as the calibre of men seeking single mums is dire.

This is offensive. @RRottenTomatoes959 please ignore this it's terrible advice.

Personally, I think you've out grown this relationship. You both want different things in life, and that's OK. Just don't waste any more of your precious time on this earth with that man. Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable. You deserve more than he can give you. Your gut is telling you everything you need to know.

Anyone dating over 30 understands there will likely be children, pasts and ex's involved. It's not a deal breaker. It may be for some, but not all.

Keep yourself focused on your personal goals. You will find someone who will love you both. It sounds like you're in great position to move forward. Take your time and enjoy your kid and possibly your new found freedom.

I dont think an ultimatum is a good idea. This person has clearly said they don't want to get married. An ultimatum is hardly going to make them go "oh sorry, you're right, I should marry you just because you want it". If OP shouldn't have to compromise, why should their partner?

I would have an adult conversation about it. Say what you want, and what you're not willing to compromise on, and see what happens. If DP isn't willing to compromise, and definitely doesn't want the same things, then it's fair to end the relationship. No ultimatums needed.

This person has clearly said they don't want to get married.

No, he didn't, he was stringing her along. OP says "He has said a couple times when I've brought it up that maybe after we buy the house and are living together he'd change his mind".

An ultimatum forces change.

Anyway, the thread moved on and OP realised she shouldn't move in with him and they will likely break up.

It's not about him wanting her - he made his position very clear years ago, the OP thought she could deal with it but now can't.

He's done nothing wrong, and was clear from the outset - if I was him I'd be annoyed I'd had years of my life wasted when I was crystal clear on my views at the outset.

Again, he wasn’t clear, he was stringing her along with mixed messages.

I've taken on board what the vast majority of replies have said, I'll be moving on.

Honestly your comment makes me feel horrible, I don't think I'm less than or deserve less just because I'm a single mother, and tbh even if the next man I meet is of a dire calibre I'll just stay single then. I think now I'd rather be single and have hope that I'll meet someone who's good and wants what I want then stay in a relationship going nowhere

Your comment seems quite nasty. Do you have an issue with me being a single mother?

Well said, OP... what an unpleasant post and as a fellow single mum, not representative of real life anyway!

You also have clear boundaries and know how to protect both yourself and your son - you're going to be absolutely fine!

OP, please ignore that ass. Sounds like the kind of horrible shit peddled on the internet.

My mom was 30+ and widowed with 3 children when my stepdad met her. They’re still very happy together 30 years later.

My sister left her useless lump of a husband and remarried at 31. She had a son and her husband had no children. They now have a 10 year old boy.

You have no need to settle. And your current partner sounds like he just needs someone to co-sign his mortgage, so I’d get rid of him too.

Don't stay with him just because it's easier than finding someone new.

Like you say you'd compromise on one or the other but sacrificing both will never work long term if you want those things in your life

I was terrified to start over at 25....and I bet you're 30 and thinking 25? 🤔 that's young. But to me....I felt like I'd never meet someone in time to have a baby and marriage. I had a baby at 30. I'm now 40 and I look back and think 'wtf was I worrying about? 30 is sooo young!' What I'd give to go back and start again and fix things. I stand at the primary school...like you and look about you at all those parents who are 40 and having babies.
Leave the guy and start again ....and don't leave it 7 years to get to this stage. You will regret it otherwise when you're 40.