Meeting up with MIL without DH

[whitecupboard]

I work part time (Mon,Tues,Wed) and have Thurs and Fri off work. My MIL expects me to meet up with her one day every week with DD. DD is 18 months and MIL just wants to sit in a cafe where, obviously, DD is getting bored after a wee while.

I see my parents one day when I am off but they come to my house or we go somewhere where DD is a bit more entertained, they drive to see me.

MIL doesn't drive so it's always me that is having to go and meet her in her local town (45 min drive) and trying to time it with DD naps/lunch etc.

I like my MIL but I just cannot be arsed with the expectation I should use my days off to see her. Can't go to her house as her partner (not DH's dad) is horrible to me and DH which she just accepts is how he is instead of asking why he is like he is with us (we have not doing anything wrong to this man, his own children don't even bother with him though which says a lot)

Every few weeks DH will go and collect her from her house, bring her back to ours and then have to take her back which is just a pain in itself. Also, after an hour or so she says ok are you ready to take me home now so it's a lot of mither for just an hour or so visit before she wants to leave anyway.

AIBU to say I don't want to meet up with her? I really am struggling with whether I am just being a cow.

I (mostly) get on with my MIL, but there was a point she was expecting me on every weekday off, and TBH sometimes I just wanted a nothing day with my DD who is tired from nursery or the weekend or whatever.

I started inventing plans.

Say now she’s mobile it’s much trickier getting through housework etc it expecting her to sit still in the car for so long to then she in cafe, so whilst she’s going through her current phase weekly isn’t feasible for either of you.

YANBU Just say that you don’t have the travel time and that a cafe isn’t easy for your dd now. Let your dh sort out the visits.

If she's only 45 mins away, why can she not get a bus/train to come to yours? collecting her etc is a bit much

Honestly, no, it is perfectly natural not to want to make a routine of meeting people you don’t enjoy meeting. So in that aspect YANBU

But, when your other half takes the responsibility you don’t like it either, so in that YABU.

Why can’t her son go and visit her for an hour with your child? Are you trying to control more than you should? Let him go when he wants and not go if he doesn’t. It is his mother after all. You don’t have to be become the dutiful daughter but you shouldn’t be the one that blocks their relationship either just because it is inconvenient to you.

I think it's really mean (and short-sighted) not to facilitate a relationship with MIL OR to want DH to do it on his days off (the weekend).

But you don't have to drag DD to sit in a cafe - invite MIL to yours, or to a park, or to a soft play, or play group, or whatever. And don't need to drive to her or pick her up each time. She can get public transport or a taxi sometimes.

Give yourself a break. She is not your responsibility to entertain, that’s your husband’s department. If she wants to see her grandchild it’s up to her to get her backside over to your house and even then it would absolutely have to be on your terms. Personally I’d be wanting at least one of those days off for me and my little one doing stuff I wanted to do.

Find a baby group to join local to you or some kind of activity so its a plausible excuse not to meet? Or drop it down to every fortnight/once a month?

Does she have any other social life or is this her only escape from her horrible partner?

If its mean to expect OPs husband to see his mother on his days off then it's equally mean to expect OP to do the same on her days off

i would phase out to once a month. That is enough really.

My typo - I meant mean not to let DH do it on his day off.