45 is too old to have a baby and you’ll never have a brother or sister

[Tiredofwatchingliloandstitchnow]

Dd, 6, said to me a friend at school had asked how old I was and Dd said 45, the girl then said that was too old to have a baby so my Dd would never have a brother or sister.
Apparently they were talking about having a brother or sister when this girl asked this. Dd then said I had a brother and sister (her auntie & uncle obviously) and please could I have a baby brother for her.
We had almost ten years of infertility and losses before having her via ivf, this comment hurt so much, it was hard to hold back tears in front of her. We do in fact have a frozen embryo from my late 30’s so 45 possibly *Isnt too late.
Aibu to feel annoyed about what this girl said to her and to feel sad I likely won’t be able to give my Dd a baby brother?
Anyone else have an only and have they ever asked for siblings? If so, what do you say?

Sorry you have been upset OP, but it is an odd thing for such a young child too say. Try to forgot about it and cherish the wonderful DD you have, no guarantees in life, and DD won’t miss what she hasn’t had.

At 6 there's no way the little girl knows what that means so I wouldn't give it any thought. Unless you want to consider it, of course!

I'm surprised so many want siblings. I'm an only child and I remember being absolutely horrified at the age of 7 when my parents asked if I'd want a brother or sister! Luckily they went off the idea... 😂 maybe I'm weird, but I really don't feel like I missed out.

To be honest, having more than one child doesn’t stop the pestering for more babies! I’ve a girl and a boy, and they both spend their lives demanding siblings of the same sex…

I’m post menopausal at 38 and I’ve been honest with my children that fertility has an expiration date. They both seen me go through the menopause and I’ve given them an honest and open version of what has happened to me. I can imagine them saying that at school as I have reiterated to them not to leave it too late as I had fertility issues and have been (repeatedly) that they are medical miracles.
There’s a book called ‘one and only’ by Lauren Sadler. I really recommend it to you.

I was the same age as you when DC was 6, well actually a couple of years older. They've never had this conversation or even mentioned being older parents really, most likely the girl heard a similar conversation from adults? Like you, over 10 years of ttc and ivfs, so just feeling blessed and with the world of technology now our children never have to be out of touch with cousins and friends, not the same as siblings I know. We would all love to have the ideal number of kids we imagined, but life doesn't always happen that way. Xx

I have endometriosis and when my dd was about the same age she said it was unfair everyone had a sibling except her and we were in the car so I did cry but she didn’t see. DH and I ended up having to explain we had tried to give her a sibling but it hadn’t worked and so she was like a miracle to us. I told her the truth about what I have and she understood and said sorry. I said she didn’t need to be sorry but just understand

When young kids express a desire for a sibling they're often thinking in terms of having a built-in playmate. The concept of an age gap is beyond them. In reality once you go beyond a year or two they're always going to be in different developmental stages and the wider the gap the less likely they are to "keep each other company".

There's a large age gap between me and my two siblings and honestly we've never been close. We're not estranged, there's no drama involved, but we have little in common and don't see each other often.

Another young child didn't say any of that to be hurtful.

One of my little cousins went through a huge phase of wanted a little brother even used to tell her teachers about him. My aunt was resolutely not having another, she kept telling her she was too old, she wasn't but my cousin eventually grew out of it.

It sounds like something the friend’s mum has said.

Lots of children ask for a baby sibling, her mum is 40 I wonder if she had said oh I can't have anymore babies I'm too old, just as a way to shut down the conversation, the six year old hearing you are older just makes a logical conclusion.
DS sometimes asks for a baby sibling, I had a horrific pregnancy and birth so am very much one and done. I have had an age appropriate conversation with DS today I was very poorly when he was in my tummy, so I don't want to risk that again and he is more than enough for me.

You could give it go! X
I have an only. And now I wish I'd had two.

Today she wants a brother. Tomorrow she'll want a dog. Next week she'll want a unicorn. Just let this wash over you, she's got family who love her and she'll be fine. Just indulge her in the fantasy for a moment: "that would be nice, wouldn't it?" then move on "but more importantly, what are we having for tea?"

I remember when my 5 year old daughter wanted a sibling.

Now she’s 7 with a 2 year old brother, not so keen😂

My best advice is to point out all the fun stuff and attention she is presumably getting from you currently and how much that would change with a demanding baby in tow

I absolutely loved being an only child. I had all my mum's attention. I would have been mortified if I had a younger sibling! Haha.

I wouldn't be surprised if the child asked her mum for a sister and her mum just brushed it off with "oh I'm too old for more babies" or something and the child is just reiterating what she has heard.

Kids at that age just try to make sense of what they hear and when your child is asking for a sibling they are probably asking for another child their age living with them not a baby. If they had a sibling close in age they could non stop argue and wish they were an only child. I wished I was an only child because my best friend was one and she wished for siblings because I had them.

As for them saying you are old most children think 18 is old. 18 year olds think anything above 25 is old. 25 year olds often think mid 30s is old. I remember mum being 36 and thinking how old that was. Now I'm near that I laugh that I thought it and I was older than your DD at the time!

The girl is a child. She isn't to know/understand these things.

When you are six, forty five must seem the same as one hundred! Joking aside, I can understand how this throw away comment must have made the op feel, it opens up a door to thoughts that may have been dormant for a long time. We then go down the "what if" path and the memories and dreams we may have had about how how we hoped life would pan out.

My only one never wanted a sibling, I recall us watching a nature programme about penguins and the narrator explained that they only have one chick. My child turned to me and said "That's what I am, your one chick. One Chick became one of their pet names.

That is so true, my mum had a real laugh when I came home from school talking about our new English teacher and how much I liked the way she dressed. Mum asked how old I thought she might be and I apparently said , "oh really old, at least 25" , I was 16 at the time.

Thanks all, have had chance to think about what was said, it just took me back a bit in the moment and felt really sad

I mean this gently, but have you thought much about whether to try for a second child since having your DD? I can imagine that it must have been really hard to go through many years of trying and then IVF to have her. So it's understandable if you didn't want to go through it all again. But if part of you did want a second child, why have you waited 6 years?

I have taught this 5-7 year olds for over 20 years, had a few dc of my own and I think children of this age know exactly when they’re being unkind. Saying something like that to your dd was meant to upset her. Occasionally if a child is neurodivergent they don’t know that they’ve been unkind, but most do.
Only try for another baby if you want one.

46 might be too old, but it might not. My school friend had her first at 46 and her second at 48. Only you can know if trying with the embryo and it not working would be more painful than not trying... and you might not find that out unless you do try it. You may find that you are to old to carry a second child, but you're not too old to try.

I am impressed at how you coped with that. I would have told DH to talk to DC and made him deal with it. Petty, yes - but that must have been hard to deal with every day.

I did, my dc wanted a sibling. I was 30 though not 45.

It was the same with my six-year-old. She ended up climbing onto the back of the sofa to get away from the one-year-old who wouldn’t leave her alone. Since then, she’s been OK about being an only child.