45 is too old to have a baby and you’ll never have a brother or sister

[Tiredofwatchingliloandstitchnow]

Dd, 6, said to me a friend at school had asked how old I was and Dd said 45, the girl then said that was too old to have a baby so my Dd would never have a brother or sister.
Apparently they were talking about having a brother or sister when this girl asked this. Dd then said I had a brother and sister (her auntie & uncle obviously) and please could I have a baby brother for her.
We had almost ten years of infertility and losses before having her via ivf, this comment hurt so much, it was hard to hold back tears in front of her. We do in fact have a frozen embryo from my late 30’s so 45 possibly *Isnt too late.
Aibu to feel annoyed about what this girl said to her and to feel sad I likely won’t be able to give my Dd a baby brother?
Anyone else have an only and have they ever asked for siblings? If so, what do you say?

I'm an older mum also 45. I tell DS that families come in all different sizes and that ours is the perfect size for us. End of discussion. As a middle child myself I don't think siblings are always a good thing,

I'm sorry OP, that's really hard.
Six years old is so little. They say stuff that hurts totally unintentionally, but it still stings! I had a little girl over to play once around that age whose mum is friends with my sister. She told me her mum doesn't like me, but she (little girl) does 😂. This is years ago now, but I still see the mum in question who is always lovely to me and I often wonder about that comment!
She'll have been told that 45 is too old to stop her asking someone I'm sure. Doesn't mean it's true.
Hope you are OK x

I wouldn't worry too much, I really wanted a baby brother when I was young. Then i got one and it was the shittest thing that's ever happened to me. We've never got on from then to now.

I think you are being unfair but can also see why you feel hurt. Children are very matter of fact.....I don't think she meant any harm.

I mean she meant no harm. If her own mum is 40 maybe someone asked her about more babies and she’s laughed with a “god no I’m 40 that’s far to old for anymore babies”

Said child then hears your 45 and tells said friend 45 is too old. Little kids are carefree with their words and seem to hear everything around them.

She's a small child. She has no idea.
She doesn't know if she wants a sibling, and the chances are if you had one, she'd be jealous and unhappy!
Just ignore it.

You have until 48 to use your frozen embryo on the NHS.

Maybe her mum has said to her that she won't be getting a baby brother or sister because she's too old to have any more children at 40.

Are you going to try with your frozen embryo? I would.

Whatever you decide, don't worry about the comment of a 6yo child.

Ignore it OP. You have moved heaven and earth to have your lovely child. You have a family just as you are.
FWIW my friend had her first child at 45 - and she wasn't the oldest on her midwife's list, but in your case, it's not so much your age but your fertility issues holding you back. And that is ok - you have a lovely daughter and she is your world. You have not failed in any ay at all - quite the opposite.

Only try your frozen embryo if YOU want to OP, not just to give your daughter a sibling.

kids don’t need siblings.

If you are getting annoyed with the comments of such a young child I think you may need counselling op.

It would help you process the situation

Yes, you’re unreasonable for being annoyed with a small child who just stated what she sees as fact.

Give the poor kid a break. She's 6 not 56

I get it (as someone who has also been through fertility issues) but there is no point being annoyed at a kid. You can't expect a young child to have any kind of understanding or empathy for what you have been through.

Children do talk about siblings and a lot of them go through a phase where they are asking for a brother or sister. It's normal. It doesn't mean anything, it's just kids' talk. They don't know whether they actually want a sibling.

Try to let it pass. You are so lucky to have your daughter.

I just said he wasn’t getting one. He thought for a second and said what about a PlayStation.

I'm 45 and not bring funny but it is top old to have a baby. I wouldn't go getting upset at 6yo conversation. You have your dd, be glad! She doesn't need a sibling

My DD is nearly 1 and her grandparents are late 40s and early 50s so I wouldn't be surprised if this 6 year old has grandparents a similar age to OP. That would mean she knows that mid-late 40s is quite old to have a baby. I know a few adults who are only children and have older parents (also know only children of very young parents).

@Tiredofwatchingliloandstitchnow

I am sorry that you have struggled so much to conceive - and congratulations on having your child, and I am sorry this child's comment hurt. But to be honest, this is a perfect example of 'the truth hurts.' The child was correct in what she said.

Yeah, my DS is an only (grown up now) and seems pretty happy about it. (We can do more for him financially than if we'd had more, and have always been able to.)
I'd always imagined having 2 or 3, but it wasn't to be, and now I appreciate what we have.
There is no right or wrong.

I had my only, ds, at 45. I never planned to have a second.

However ds has lots of friends, 8 cousins and 4 second cousins. He doesn't lack family. 😊

I think I'd just laugh off the little girl's ignorance and use the remaining embryo if that is what you want.

I'm wondering now if my DD ever made comment to her friends, when she asked for a sibling I told her that I had no eggs left to make babies. True in my situation, I had her at 31 and was post menopausal by 37ish but didn't really considered how that might have been repeated as fact for all the mammies lol.
A comment like that out of the blue can rock you, even if you are at peace with having an only plus then there's the effing mammy guilt that tells we are always letting our kids down🙄
DD is a teen now and v happy that she has me all to herself and no one coming in and wrecking her head or her bedroom like in her friends houses

I understand that you can get hurt though. I think if you really want you can still try but I'd be more concerned about the age gap.

My mum went through the menopause in her late 30s. I wanted a sibling and used to ask her and in the end she told me she was too old now. So to little old me - 38 was too old to have more children. It was her way of explaining it wasn’t possible anymore. I don’t remember ever telling anyone else that but I can absolutely see why a child
might think that!

I’m sorry about how hard this comment has hit you, but please try not to worry about letting your daughter down.

I’m the youngest of two, but my older sister was a bit of a bully so I was always asking my mum for a younger sibling that I could get along with. Eventually she snapped and shouted at me that she’d wanted more but “all the other ones died”. I was really young and hearing that really upset me - I hadn’t been asking in order to force her to relive her pain, but because I was a kid and kids do go on about things.

When I was older she explained that she’d had 2 miscarriages after me and that then they stopped trying because they didn’t want to go through it again. I just wish she’d explained to me earlier in a more age appropriate way, so I’d have stopped nagging and she wouldn’t have been pushed to the point of snapping.

So my advice would be to have an age-appropriate conversation about how hard you worked to get her, and that it wouldn’t be possible to have another even if it wasn’t for the age (you can elaborate on the IVF and frozen eggs when she’s much older).