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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

he cancelled again!

68 replies

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:33

been seeing a guy for over a month. I do really like him and he phones me a lot and keeps in touch
we both have children and busy lives. plus the extra stress of us living an hr from each other
however its been working until recently

So he has now cancelled and flaked on 3 dates with me (that he arranged)

the first time he basically said he wanted to go gym after work and realised he wouldn't be back in time

Second time was last thursday as he said he was sorry but got caught up with work and needed to go shopping for his daughters bday. But he did phone me for 2 hrs that night instead. on the phone he kept saying when can he see me? i said well thats down to you and he suggested tonight yes this night now

So weve got on fine the last few days seems really into me but as I feared he cant see me tonight this time coz he has his daughter last minute

Now this time Im really annoyed. Its him who keeps arranging and then flaking

so i phoned him and he said his kid comes first which i agree with but i wanted to know why he keeps saying he wants to see me and then flakes?

he got annoyed and said well i cant just fuck everything off like you! erm I dont fuck anything off. I plan and arrange my time

So i told him its upsetting to keep being cancelled on especially when its him initiating the date.

I was annoyed and basically sent him a msg saying i felt upset and disappointed that hes done it again then a birdie finger emoji

he text me back saying i think we should just leave it there as im being abusive!

so yeah i probably did overreact but its not without good reason

now im annoyed that i've probably messed it up by sending that msg

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 06/05/2024 18:36

Well you gave him the finger so I'm guessing it's over

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:37

oh and i should have mentioned i did say to him ok so you have your child tonight so when can you see me? he just said he has no idea so that made me send the msg 😟

OP posts:
BrieOnToast · 06/05/2024 18:37

You were right to be annoyed, but both of you communicated in quite a childish way. It's not a great sign that so early in the relationship, neither of you are being particularly respectful to the other one.

CornishTiger · 06/05/2024 18:38

He’s not that into you at all and it’s not he has poor time management skills. He just isn’t that bothered.

FedUpMumof10YO · 06/05/2024 18:39

Too much drama for a month in. You don't know him or him you.

Kids complicate things and he's right to prioritise them.

He's not for you and a massive plus is you found out this early on.

.....next!!

User990 · 06/05/2024 18:39

He's just not that into you. I'd bin him!

TheFireflies · 06/05/2024 18:40

Obviously sending him that message would have “messed it up” but it didn’t sound like there was much to mess up in the first place.

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/05/2024 18:40

Maybe he has a wife.

CornishTiger · 06/05/2024 18:40

And yes too much drama way too soon.

BananaPeanutToast · 06/05/2024 18:40

Are you sure he’s actually single?

FakeMiddleton · 06/05/2024 18:41

You should have left him to it after the first cancellation. The gym is more important than a date in the first month/honeymoon period.

Nah.

Roselilly36 · 06/05/2024 18:41

Yes, exactly my first thought @MrsMoastyToasty sounds a more likely story.

ThePassageOfTime · 06/05/2024 18:41

Yeah he has a wife

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 06/05/2024 18:42

He's not in a place to be dating. If nothing else, he doesn't have time to juggle everything and make time to date.
I'd give up on him.

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:42

definitely single
oh well like someone said onto the next
flakiness just annoys me
i dont hold it agaisnt him about having his kid (if thats true)
but the way he handled it

OP posts:
Spottedshell · 06/05/2024 18:42

Have you actually met face to face yet?

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:44

yes we have spent lots of time together previously to his flakiness

OP posts:
Nicebloomers · 06/05/2024 18:45

He’s probably got someone else on the go.

Block and move on.

Upinthenightagain · 06/05/2024 18:45

He’s not interested. He’d have have cancelled on me once. Twice he’d have been blocked

CommentNow · 06/05/2024 18:45

You should dum him for the flaking and he should dum yu for the middle finger.

Kindly, implement boundaries so you don't get drawn into squabbling and being your worst self.

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

FakeMiddleton · 06/05/2024 18:41

You should have left him to it after the first cancellation. The gym is more important than a date in the first month/honeymoon period.

Nah.

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/05/2024 18:47

Yes sounds like it’s over from that exchange!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/05/2024 18:48

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

I agree with that, exercise is hugely important to me too. But I would plan my time better so that I didn’t arrange a date on a gym night.

Londonscallingme · 06/05/2024 18:49

He cancelled on you to go to the gym in the early stages of a relationship? I’d have called it a day at that point. He’s just not that into you, I’m afraid.

Greywitch2 · 06/05/2024 18:49

Well you sent a really childish message. And he's now had the opportunity to dump you because you were abusive.

Next time you are dating a flaky twat who cancels like this send one text to say, 'This isn't working for me, so don't worry about re-arranging.' then block them.

Far more dignified than telling someone you are upset and disappointed and giving them the finger.

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