he cancelled again!

[Rachet01]

been seeing a guy for over a month. I do really like him and he phones me a lot and keeps in touch
we both have children and busy lives. plus the extra stress of us living an hr from each other
however its been working until recently

So he has now cancelled and flaked on 3 dates with me (that he arranged)

the first time he basically said he wanted to go gym after work and realised he wouldn't be back in time

Second time was last thursday as he said he was sorry but got caught up with work and needed to go shopping for his daughters bday. But he did phone me for 2 hrs that night instead. on the phone he kept saying when can he see me? i said well thats down to you and he suggested tonight yes this night now

So weve got on fine the last few days seems really into me but as I feared he cant see me tonight this time coz he has his daughter last minute

Now this time Im really annoyed. Its him who keeps arranging and then flaking

so i phoned him and he said his kid comes first which i agree with but i wanted to know why he keeps saying he wants to see me and then flakes?

he got annoyed and said well i cant just fuck everything off like you! erm I dont fuck anything off. I plan and arrange my time

So i told him its upsetting to keep being cancelled on especially when its him initiating the date.

I was annoyed and basically sent him a msg saying i felt upset and disappointed that hes done it again then a birdie finger emoji

he text me back saying i think we should just leave it there as im being abusive!

so yeah i probably did overreact but its not without good reason

now im annoyed that i've probably messed it up by sending that msg

we talk about anything and everything to be honest. we have a laugh

Don’t blame you at all for being annoyed, but finger emoji! Really! Unfortunately you’ve slipped off the moral high ground a bit.

ETA he’s not in to you, but you know that.

To me this sounds like he has more than one option, so if the other option (woman) falls through that’s when he sees you. You’re an hour away, she could be closer. Sorry, this is from experience a long time ago, so I could be wrong.

Quite likely he's avoidant. So much safer talking over the phone, with you at arm's length. More than arm's length.

You’re not listening to what people are saying. I chatted for hours with a guy before I got with dh. It means nothing to them. It takes zero effort to pick up the phone. An amusement, a distraction, something to do when bored. Getting clean, dressed up, going out, putting yourself out for someone you like and spending money are all part of treating a woman nicely face to face. That takes effort.

Well so what if it was childish to send a birdie emoji. He's been rude and disrespectful, and has wasted your time and energy.

I would have called it off after the first cancellation though.

the first time he basically said he wanted to go gym after work and realised he wouldn't be back in time

Cancelling because of his kid is absolutely fine.

Cancelling because he wants to go to the gym is absolutely not ok.

He could have not gone to the gym that day or asked if you could have met up later/earlier.

Cancelling when you have kids is pretty normal but it’s almost like he only wants to see you if there is nothing else to do and if he fancies something else then he’ll do that instead.

You can’t always be someone’s priority but never settle for being at the bottom of the pile.

Meh... back in the sea.

I'd say the same to him about you too.

very true and that is what plays on my mind
He just wants someone to talk to at the end of the day and boost his ego without all the other 'hassle' like dating that goes with it

This.

I had a bloke cancel a date HE made because he wanted to get on top of his ironing. It's good that you gave him the finger 🖕🏿 because hopefully that's it finished for good.

Cancelled because of child's birthday, wouldn't you mention that a bit before..I think he's a lying toad and couldn't be bothered with op.

If he's cancelled on you 3 times, he's not that into you. Don't worry about sending him the 🖕 just move on and leave him to his busy life! Look for someone to date who's not an hour away! I couldn't be arsed with that 😏

You're a low priority to him.
Don't allow it.
Move on and meet someone who makes you a priority.

@Ikeashowroom how on earth do I get to the place where men don't get second or third chances? You are flipping awesome and I wish I had one % of your self worth.

OP, when you say chatted, do you mean text or phone calls?

both

Which one more? It does sound as it he likes the idea of a woman at the end of the phone but doesn’t really care who it is.

I think you over reacted and were rude. Yes he isn’t making you feel valued. I’d leave it now. Move on.