he cancelled again!

[Rachet01]

been seeing a guy for over a month. I do really like him and he phones me a lot and keeps in touch
we both have children and busy lives. plus the extra stress of us living an hr from each other
however its been working until recently

So he has now cancelled and flaked on 3 dates with me (that he arranged)

the first time he basically said he wanted to go gym after work and realised he wouldn't be back in time

Second time was last thursday as he said he was sorry but got caught up with work and needed to go shopping for his daughters bday. But he did phone me for 2 hrs that night instead. on the phone he kept saying when can he see me? i said well thats down to you and he suggested tonight yes this night now

So weve got on fine the last few days seems really into me but as I feared he cant see me tonight this time coz he has his daughter last minute

Now this time Im really annoyed. Its him who keeps arranging and then flaking

so i phoned him and he said his kid comes first which i agree with but i wanted to know why he keeps saying he wants to see me and then flakes?

he got annoyed and said well i cant just fuck everything off like you! erm I dont fuck anything off. I plan and arrange my time

So i told him its upsetting to keep being cancelled on especially when its him initiating the date.

I was annoyed and basically sent him a msg saying i felt upset and disappointed that hes done it again then a birdie finger emoji

he text me back saying i think we should just leave it there as im being abusive!

so yeah i probably did overreact but its not without good reason

now im annoyed that i've probably messed it up by sending that msg

This. No one gets second or third chances with me!

He's probably seeing other people too. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

It's been a month. He already stood you up twice. A third was highly likely. Your reaction was also extremely immature. You shouldn't be this invested so quickly.

Then don’t arrange to go on a date with someone when you wouldn’t also have time to go to the gym. He’s the one who arranged it! I’m a big fan of the gym and of exercise in general. I’d also not be ‘binning off’ the gym but he arranged it!.

If its this hard so early on, it's absolutely not worth bothering.

You just need to move on. I could understand him cancelling for his kids but he cancelled the first time to go to the gym. You should have sacked him off then but you allowed him to cancel a second time to go shopping. It’s irrelevant that he said it was for dd’s birthday, if he really wanted to see you he would have planned his time better.

He has made it very clear that you are right at the bottom of his list of priorities but handy to talk to when it suits. I think you should look at why you’re willing to overlook this kind of treatment before you start chatting with another potential partner. There is better out there for you than this.

I think he's made it clear that dating you isn't a priority to him or he would have organised his time to make sure it happened, eg skipping the gym to be there in time, arranged his dds bday present in advance etc. So I personally wouldn't be wasting any more time on him. But I also wouldn't be giving him the finger because that's not a good look for you. Just block delete and move on with your head held high.

The daughter thing fair enough, but you're also less important than the gym.

You ask if you've messed it up - messed what up? the chance to get cancelled on by a flake who doesn't really care if he sees you or not?

Hes not into you and doesn’t see you as a priority

Your response was extremely childish but if was a damp squib anyway so it’s not worth stressing over.

Next

He wasn't binning the gym off for her though, he was binning her off for the gym after they had made plans.

Noone is debating the importance of exercise, the point is that he failed to plan his time.

a birdie finger emoji

I think if you’d sent any decent person this emoji they’d run a mile, you sound very intense tbh. It’s only been a month for goodness sake.

He has met someone else but is keeping his options open. Sorry.

Cancelling cuz parent dies/house burns down etc no problem. Can calling cuz he’s fancying the gym and isn’t organised to buy presents in advance… nope

Telling you he would rather go to the gym so early on tells you everything you need to know

block him move on and don’t give these men chances even if they seem nice

It's over, it's far too early for that kind of overheated disagreement. You're not compatible. He's flaky and you're aggressive.

Just leave it now.

Next time try to keep a cool head but raise your standards way higher. Why were you ok with the first two late cancels? I would have calmly stepped away after being cancelled for the gym - it's not on to leave you at a loose end. If I really liked him and if he pursued me I may have given him one more chance but with a brief "that sort of thing doesn't work for me" and if there was a repeat performance I'd be gone with no explanation.

Only a month in and he's cancelling left right and centre, you send him a rude gesture and he calls you abusive ???!!!!!

No hope at all. Just move on and try to communicate more maturely with any future partners.

yep agree with everyone
i shouldnt have sent that msg and just gracefully moved on and declined future dates
oh well its done now but after the messing about ive had i just saw red

i think i did it coz we literally had a conversation 2 days ago where i said please dont ask me to meet if you think theres a chance you wont
he said he wouldnt do that
but im not sure he even has his daughter and its just an excuse
i will get over it

The middle finger has only hastened the end so while I wouldnt recommend it as a means of communication, I don't think that you've lost a man who was right for you.

I get that relationships with healthy people aren't serious immediately, but should be respectful immediately.

Glad you found out how unreliable he is within a month.

No loss, he's the type to book you up and drop you if he gets a better offer or cannotbe bothered. If your middle finger horrified him, so be it.

In the context of you both having just discussed how you would appreciate if he didn't do that, it makes more sense to me.

A shocked face might have been better, not just because it'd have been classier, but now he will be telling himself he is the one who dodged a bullet.

Good luck to him, hope he finds a woman who doesn't mind looking forward to meeting up only to be cancelled. Loads of women will put up with that pretending to be easy-going.

You've saved yourself time.

He's got poor time management skills and isn't that in to you. But you were childish to send him the middle finger. Time for both of you to move on.

It wouldn't have worked anyway so don't dwell in the message. If he really wanted to spend time with you he would have made it happen.

Honestly, he’s probably not really into you but likes having someone at the end of the phone. Cancelling for kids is one thing, but cancelling because he fancied the gym instead speaks volumes.

When you’re on the phone to him, are you having lovely conversations about things you have in common, as well as your hopes and dreams? Or is it a bit on the dirty side and stroking his ego?

exactly thankyou
thats what i said to him that we all have busy lives i am fully aware of that but its all this arranging to see me and then flaking
I took it well the first 2 times and today id just had enough
Well hes not blocked me but i guess that means nothing in the grand scheme of things
The funny thing is hes just got a great job offer that is literally 5 miles from me
so i doubt ive heard the last
however I shall just leave him be and eat chocolate