I hate sharing food!

[ettieb]

We went out for Sunday lunch yesterday.. absolutely delicious but the vegetables for 4 came in one dish and then everyone was very polite and only took a little bit. I want my own dish so I know what's mine and what I can eat. Also.. same with Tapas...I like my own portion. I don't mind so much if it's a Thai starter or something like that as it is clear that there are two of something and two of something else. I find it stressful sharing!

I am autistic, and if I went somewhere and it turned out to involve any sort of sharing, I would be unable to eat at all unless it was immediate family. The anxiety over how much I was "allowed" to eat, the worry about people putting their own cutlery into the shared dishes, the worry about people double dipping, the worry about being judged for eating too much or too little...I feel panicky just thinking about it.
If I found myself in that situation, vomiting from stress would be a real possibility, which is why I avoid situations where food is served, unless I am confident that I can hide the fact that I am not eating.

I didn't realise how unpopular sharing was until I saw threads like this. Seems very odd to me that someone would only want one thing off the menu and to eat the whole plateful themselves.

I only order one to two courses. With groups out it has usually been a standard British pub where everyone buys at the bar and there is rarely anything that I would want to share with someone unless there is more than enough and I know I can’t finish it and/or it is really tasty.

I will admit growing up that I found people wanting to share my food when my portion was half the size of theirs and offering me some of theirs in exchange annoying. My mother often called me selfish for not wanting to and guilted me seemingly forgetting what she ordered was nothing I ever liked or wanted.

What I order is what I want and that it. If something else catches my eye, I will try it another visit if possible or get both if it is a starter or dessert since such things are usually quite small anyway.

Unless it is agreed upon beforehand to get different dishes so we can share, I don’t want to share my food with anyone unless I choose to.

It depends who I'm with to be honest.

Some people are better at sharing than others and some things are more realistic to share. Remember ordering a sharing pudding plate once and it was one big cake thing with x spoons. Just no...

But a little plate of cakes with enough to share out and people you know well...then great.

I love going out for a curry or Thai or whatever when it's big sharing plates on the table and you can try lots of things.

It's not even about the portion size... I would prefer to have my own individual dish of veggies even if its smaller so I know what I'm allowed to eat.

Surely though, if there are four of you, you have a fourth of the dish?

But how do you work that out evenly if it's not easily divisible? Everyone takes one table spoon one after the other until everyone has had an even amount?

But it doesn't have to be even.

Everyone takes a spoon of the dishes they want, taking care not to take too much so everyone who wants some gets some.

People eat their food and chat.

When plates are (nearly) clear, anyone who wants some more has seconds, again giving others chance if they want some too. Second time around, some people will be full, others will want a bit more of dish A, others dish B etc.

For anything where there's not much left, before taking the last of it, just say, anyone else want any more of this? If not, it's fair game, if yes, share what's left or order some more.

End result is that everyone has had the amount and type of food they want, which will likely naturally be different amounts/combinations.

I'm with you, OP. I prefer my own portions. It's particularly annoying in a larger group where the thing you want ends up at the other end of the table and you have to make a thing of asking for it to be passed.

@Bjorkdidit As an autistic person, it absolutely does need to be even. I need to know exactly how much I'm allowed to eat.

I get how that would work for (most) NT people though!

I'm perfectly happy to go to restaurants or hotels where there's a heated self servery, with ladles, serving spoons etc. with which to help oneself, and where I know I can take as much or little as I choose to, as it's regularly refilled. But a platter or bowl in the middle of the diners' table, where there's a risk of people dipping their own slurped on spoons or forks in? Count me out.

You see how that's more fraught and difficult than, 'get plate of food, eat what you want'. It might be worth it for people who desperately want lots of different tastes. But it's not worth it to me.

And I'd rather get my plates, eat what I want and then say, "I'm not finishing the broccoli, does anyone want the rest?" than share plates.

One thing I never share is dessert.

Thank you i am only here for the Friends and Gavin and Stacey quotes.

I am ok with sharing but hate when mil says that she isn't that hungry but will take/nip from other peoples dishes. I never give her anything. She can order her own dish if she wants to eat.

I don’t have the type of food I want. I will eat anything, but I am a fairly fussy eater in terms of what I actually enjoy. I normally am very careful what I eat to watch my weight. Eating out is a real treat for me and I want to eat food I enjoy, not force down something someone else has chosen which I’m not particularly keen on.

A buffet is not the same as ‘sharing plates’. At a buffet you are served or serve yourself onto your plate, then you eat from your own plate. Perfectly acceptable, in France the starter or hors d’œuvre is often on a serve yourself table with set of plates or bowls, you fill your plate and then eat from it.

Central bowl or plate, ‘all tuck in ‘ more problematic from many points of view. ( and before anyone starts on the ‘o they do it in other cultures’ in most of them there is a fairly strict protocol on who serves themselves first.)

I hate it too!

There's nothing worse than shall we meet up at mine and Chinese? Ooh yes please! Great, we'll order lots of bits and bobs and share.

No. I want beef with green peppers in black bean sauce and egg fried rice.

No you can't have any because I don't like your chicken satay. I don't like bbq sauce on spare ribs. So get your thieving hands off my beef just because it looks nice. It is nice!

I don't go out often 🤣

If you hate it you hate it op but surely it’s only a problem when there isn’t enough?

I'm with you, OP, I don't like sharing food. Tapas is my worst nightmare

@Bjorkdidit that’s a very rose tinted view IMO! What actually happens is no one really gets what they want as everyone is so focussed on being polite and not taking the last bit/being greedy OR one oblivious/selfish person eats the lions share and leaves crumbs for the rest! I’ll only share with certain people in certain circumstances, sharing with strangers or in a work context is a massive no for me. I do have a quite serious food intolerance which comes in handy for sharing situations 😉

You look at the food and use a spoon, knife or fork to take the correct portion. It's not difficult.

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese Wow thanks. I'm autistic. I literally have to have my husband count the chicken and vegetables (for example) and weigh our plates to make sure that food is even but sure... it's not that difficult.

In a group scenario that would be impossible and no one else is going to make sure that everyone has an even amount of chicken vs veg etc. They'll just take what they think is fair, whether or not it's truly an even amount.

FAR easier to order my own food and not share.

🙄

I get this.. never thought of it like this