To think going to the pub 'for one' doesn't mean returning home 4 hours later?

[Orangepuffpastry]

The Mrs regularly finishes work early on Friday at 3, and goes to the pub with work mates. I have no problem with this - she works hard and deserves a social life.

This week, let's just say I could've really used her help with the kids at home after school. Before setting off for work, she assures me she's just going 'for one' after work and will be home to help.

She gets in just before 9, to an irate husband. She swears blind that 'going for one' means "just one alcoholic drink and then a few soft drinks after, it doesn't mean I'll be home early". I've told her she's a cheeky cow, and she should just fess up that she forgot about our agreement, and in this instance couldn't give a shit about being home early.

AIBU?

Do you not have phones?

I’m not saying she wasn’t BU but tbf no one goes to the pub “for one” 😂

Yes, it does.

We definitely know this is not an Irish poster

'For one' is code for 'my intention is not to go out on the lash, but I may get chatting/be having a good time so although I won't have a raging hangover tomorrow (hopefully) I've no idea how long I'll be'

Calling your wife a cow is unreasonable. In any circumstances.....

Getting in before 9, add in travel time then that probably means leaving the pub at 8:30 which id say was a very early evening. The husband is being a dick for being irate

She deserves a social life… that’s good of you. Home before 9:00 is hardly living it large

Yeah unclench a bit, home at 9pm is not unreasonable, unless ye had actually agreed a specific time

If I said on a particular evening that I’d like my DH to come home early to help me with the kids that’s what I’d expect him to do.

I think going for ‘one’ should mean one drink. She finished at 3, should’ve left the pub by 4.

I would not come back at all if my husband called my a cheeky cow. Or 'The Mrs' for that matter.

Stop being irate and acting like her seeing her mates is you doing her a favour because she 'deserves' it, and things might improve.

For one is a myth and most uk adults know this. If " one" becomes one only it is a surprise. 9 isn't lat you could have messaged her to ask for her to come home if you really needed her

This is one of those threads that if the gender were reversed, it would be VERY different responses (although the OP's use of The Mrs and calling her a cow didn't help).

If the OP clearly communicated he'd appreciate help with the DC that day then the wife should have respected that and not stayed out until 9.

depends, how is the labour usually split? Is it just Fridays or every day you are looking after the kids on your own?

If dh went to the pub for one and was having a great time and came home after four hours - I'd just be pleased he was having a nice time.

If I was having a hard time, whatever that means - let's say two of the kids fell down the stairs and landed on the third and everyone was a crumpled state and inconsolable and perhaps one needed checking over by a doctor, I'd phone regardless of time to fetch help.

If it was just, you know, life wasn't all rainbows and I was tired and the kids were grumpy then that's just being a parent and you suck it up so that they'd do the same in similar circumstances.

Ah if you were a woman poster this would go very different!!!
And we don't know their dynamic - calling his wife 'Mrs' (my partner has done this) and a cheeky cow could've done very much within the terms of their marriage. Sounds like they have a good relationship but yes, tbh I'd be a bit miffed too! Xx

Shit sorry! Was just texting, ignore the kisses!!

That was exactly what my husband meant by it!

No it wouldn't. I hate this presumption of false equivalence.

If it's a one off yanbu to be annoyed but let's be honest most of us have got carried away previously, I know I have.

My oh and I are both similar so we don't tend to set end times as you don't know how a night will go until you're out. BUT if you were clear about needing the help and this isn't the first time then I think you shouldn't definitely air it out when everyone is sober and the dust has settled.

Did you message or call her? If you just sat and seethe yabu a bit as you could've messaged to remind her. Also would you get away with the same? If you're not getting the same time out with your mates then that's a red flag too

BUT if you were clear about needing the help and this isn't the first time then I think you shouldn't definitely air it out when everyone is sober and the dust has settled

But why would you know that you would need help in advance? What is happening that they are struggling with in looking after their own children for a few more hours on their own? Perhaps if the op went over what they were actually finding difficult they might get some useful answers.

You are being very dramatic about a small matter and both rude & disparaging about your wife.

What exactly cannot you cope with for 6 hours on a Friday? They are your children too. I'm sure there's times where she has them alone too & manages.

If you aren't able mind your oen children, this is a parenting defecit and not your wife's fault.

You may need to improve your parenting skills by practicing them more. Upskilling is as important in your private life as professional life. Mainly just practice & repetition but you could also consider parenting courses, YouTube videos etc.

She was out until 9pm...stop acting like she was partying in Ibiza til 6am!

My partner does this all the time. It's always just going to pop out for one and turns up several hours later (usually past midnight )

I think you're not being unreasonable to expect better communication and if you agreed that she would be home to help that's wrong.

However I do think it's universally understood going for one, just means going out until they feel they've socialised enough, and that will be multiple drinks usually and n often involve a hangover the next day.

You should have been able to text, and you should have agreed a time together that allowed both people to have their needs met.

6 hrs is not just going for one! She said she'd be home to help

If I finished work at 3 and went for one I mean I'll be home by dinner.

If this is a one off this wouldnt bother me but if she's out every Friday till 9pm I'd be pissed

Yes lying and then turning up home once the kids are settled in bed is rude and selfish.