To think going to the pub 'for one' doesn't mean returning home 4 hours later?

[Orangepuffpastry]

The Mrs regularly finishes work early on Friday at 3, and goes to the pub with work mates. I have no problem with this - she works hard and deserves a social life.

This week, let's just say I could've really used her help with the kids at home after school. Before setting off for work, she assures me she's just going 'for one' after work and will be home to help.

She gets in just before 9, to an irate husband. She swears blind that 'going for one' means "just one alcoholic drink and then a few soft drinks after, it doesn't mean I'll be home early". I've told her she's a cheeky cow, and she should just fess up that she forgot about our agreement, and in this instance couldn't give a shit about being home early.

AIBU?

I get out so little that ‘one’ would end after ten hours with the best chat ever with my friends!!!! Ye need to communicate more though, tell her to text next time

I think it’s better if spouse’s tell each other the truth and social arrangements when there are kids involved should usually be made in advance. So just “popping” for a drink generally doesn’t happen and more, and if there are said spontaneous drinks they shouldn’t go on for hours.

Expecting a spouse home and then them going off for hours is not really on. However, if it’s a one off that’s v different to a regular thing.

Op, you should have posted as if you were the wife at home and "DH" came in at 9pm after leaving work at 3.

The replies would have been completely different. But cos it's the female going out, you're being called unreasonable.

9pm is no use to anyone needing help with younger children obviously.

So YANBU but the Mumsnet Mafia who assume you're a male (you could be in a same sex relationship?) will condemn you anyway.

YABU. On a Friday afternoon, after a hard week's work, no one goes out for 'just one' drink.

If you can't handle your own children for a few hours, you have a bigger problem than your wife being in the pub for a few hours.

Home at 9 isn’t unreasonable if that’s what was agreed, but you say that she told you she would be home to help. In that case not getting home until 9:00, when presumably dinner and bedtime etc are all done, is unreasonable. She should have been home in time to help with the evening kid routines if that’s what she’d said would happen.

Mumsnet Mafia? Come on now. I imagine that the majority of posters here are mothers and can easily identify both with being home with the children without help, and the lure of a drink with friends that extends longer than you predicted.

If my dh said he was going for one, I'd expect him home after around 3 hours. Most people don't go for just one, it's usually a few.
However if I specifically asked him to come home for a certain time, for a valid reason and he agreed then I'd be annoyed if he didn't.

YABU.

She's not 'the Mrs' she's a working woman who deserves some respect.

I guess the Mumsnet Mafia scared the OP away

Did you make her aware that you needed help with the children? Are the children hers?

Haha me and dh live approx 2 mins from pub and we say to each other "I'm going for A pint" we both know to expect its gonna be 3 or 4. Not a problem here.

Yeah that is pretty much the point of the thread I think.
Although the "OP" is an obvious misogynist who thinks it is fine to call his wife names. You are pretty much ignoring @ConflictedCheetah the obvious misogynistic vibes from this poster.

He also thinks he’s one of life’s good ones because he understands his wife “deserves” to be allowed to go for ONE drink. So she should be grateful he allows this not take the Micky

You know as well as anyone that "one" is sometimes many.

If it's not often many then I couldn't imagine giving a shit

'just going for a swifty/ just having a quick pint with x'
Followed 3 hrs later by 'just finishing my pint'
Then silence again for 2 hours. Lol.
That was me when I was working. It is really a turn of phrase. It means, going to pub for several hours. As long as that's what you expect it's the kind of white lie that goes around the world every night I'd imagine!

Going for one, means one drink. One...then coming home. Not just one alcoholic drink or a 4 hour stint.

I'd be annoyed if DH did this, and I'm pretty relaxed where DH going out and socialing is concerned as he works hard.

Going for one doesn't necessarily mean one but it does mean I'm not making a night of it and I won't be late and given she started at three and said she would be home but couldn't even be bothered to text and say she might be late she is unreasonable. And she knows full well that going for one does not mean one alcoholic drink and then as many soft drinks as I want as late as I want. She just made that up and knows it.

OP maybe over reacted but if the sexes were reversed in this story OP would have got a lot of support. MN double standards

Jeez lighten up.

I actually agree with you entirely.

The old ‘I’m just going for one!’ thing! I used to say this back in the 90s and then ring dh to join me a couple of hours’ later. Obviously this was pre-kids but everyone knows ‘for one’ is BS cos you get into chatting etc.
Next time you go out and your wife can do the bedtime routine -you’re both entitled to a night out (but maybe she should’ve communicated she was staying out).

I interpret going for one as is a few quite drinks rather the full night and getting completely pissed

Exactly

Is this a reverse because in nearly 70 years on the planet I have NEVER come across a bloke who thinks "going to the pub for one" means one drink?

It means "going to the pub". Words are that are superflous and carry no meaning.

Four hours strikes me as faily normal.

3 til 9 (and later on a normal Friday, excluding this one) isn't living it large? It kind of is. If this was a woman complaining her dh left all child care every Friday night to go on the lash, even when help had been asked for on one specific night, there would be cries of ltb.

But he said he normally has no issue, just needed her help on this particular Friday.