Mil threads

[fishonabicycle]

I cannot believe that all the women suddenly become totally mental once their son has a child. Personally I think most of the MIL chats are total fiction!

I think it’s due to the dynamics changing, it’s why I’m actively aware there is an issue and with two little boys currently I’m hoping to avoid it all.
from the moment those little baby boys were born, they have been the very centre of Mums world, even as they grow, they always come back to their mum, for advice, for help for everything.
Then some girl comes along who “takes” that little boy and he no longer comes to Mum for advice, because “Jenny” does it better. Mum is no longer needed, so she feels hurt and pushed out, even if she doesn’t realise it.
So she lashes out at the “reason” which is obviously her Sons new girlfriend/wife, even if it’s subconscious.
I think it’s the changing dynamics of a son who no longer needs his mum for everything that makes them a little bit insane sometimes.

I think many women struggle when their sons grow away from them, find a partner, have children. They feel their special role has been usurped and many try to cling on to a level of control that the younger woman just won't accept (and why would she?). They also have unrealistic expectations about how involved their DIL should be with them. My MIL is like this and I have friends who have the same issues with their MILs.

What has raised my eyebrows on MN is the number of MILs who go frankly bonkers when a baby arrives - insist on alone time, try to stop the mother breastfeeding, demand sleepovers from day one. I have never encountered this level of batshit in real life across quite a wide circle of friends and colleagues.

I have adult daughters, I'm a MIL and a doting granny. I get on really well with my SIL as I have no expectations of him other than to be a good husband to my daughter and good father to my grandchildren.

Two sides to every story. For every "evil mil" there will be a "difficult dil". I get on with my mil in fine (she has her faults as do we all) my sister in law can't stand her ( no real reason just a clad of personality and communication problems)

I don't think that has to be true that for every 'Evil MiL' there has to be a 'difficult DiL'. It could be that there isn't a DH that will stick up for his wife, or a DH that doesn't understand about acceptable boundaries (doesn't see anything wrong with his mother walking in to his home (the one he has with his wife) or having a key to this home and dropping in whenever it suits MiL for example. That's not being a 'Difficult DiL' - that's being a DiL that has reasonable boundaries and they are being trampled on.
This is one situation that I don't think fits the 'for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction' theory. PiL's can be absolutely batshit crazy when it comes to their children/grandkids.

I have been blessed with lovely in-laws but I do feel that some people manage to draw the short straw when it comes to their in-laws.

I think if someone got on with their mil they would not find their partners attractive, it seems sport to hate mil

It depends on the mil some generation wise believe that because they always had to default to their parents as did their parents that todays adults should and todays adults don’t want to. Thats one tick towards a crazy mil. Shes mad now its her turn there isn’t a turn.

I normally rant about generational comments, but this one does make a valid point.
My relationship with my mother would NEVER have been like the ones between my DC and me.
Although I hope I've survived not being considered the family matriarch