Mil threads

[fishonabicycle]

I cannot believe that all the women suddenly become totally mental once their son has a child. Personally I think most of the MIL chats are total fiction!

My MIL is lovely but I'm sure that DH would say that his MIL is toxic. You never know what version you're going to get.

Do you have your own thread(s?) about her because this one is definitely deserving her very own thread. She sounds terrible!

Of all the people I know with MILs, not one with a good relationship has felt a need to post online about them. Why would they?

But I could tell you a lot about the bad ones. Because they are worth discussing, because they're looking for support.

Mine screamed at my partner for greeting my dog before her dogs when he came into the house. Bat shit mil’s are real!

Mine is a lazy, greedy, manipulative old bag. She uses emotional blackmail and can’t stand that I can see right through her and her wee dittery old woman act.

I don't and you're very fortunate if you haven't had that experience! They get worse too after you have children.

Mine was batshit, useless as a MIL and as a grandmother. Should have steered clear of the entire goddamn family if I'd had any sense! TG she was well over an hour away and didn't drive, so I didn't have to see her that much but omg, she would phone and say, "haaallo" in a tone that implied her entire family had just died and then regale me with all of her latest ailments and who locally had died, that I didn't know. Thankfully we got caller display and I stopped answering! She used to ring at sparrow's fart every Christmas Day too - our kids never got up early! She really didn't know them at all and she bought the most inappropriate presents.

She minded them once in 15 years when DH took them to his hometown to go to a funeral. They were seldom in her house though that is on DH. She and DH's dad (they separated later) didn't give us a wedding present.

She made it very clear that SIL was her favourite, and then in turn SIL's DS. He was born months after our DS and she commented that "at least SIL had let us have a boy first" - WTAF did that even mean!? She cleaned SIL's house, she minded her DS, she had him for regular sleepovers and when SIL and her partner went away. She talked about him incessantly. Said how hard it was for SIL working with a child. We had three!!

When she did come to our house, she sat on her arse and got waited on hand on foot, by me of course. SIL lived away for a year, and she took a long-haul flight to spend 3 months with them. I got a teatowel, and a bottle of wine from Tesco.

I lost my own mum when my eldest was only 9, but she didn't step up in any shape or form. Mind you neither did my maternal aunt which still rankles. My mother was exceptionally generous to my aunt's gc, but my mum died a month before Christmas, and that was the year my aunt stopped giving my kids and my sister's kids the tenner each that she had been in the habit of giving them.

She rocked up with SIL when my youngest was born with the most cheap and ugly clothes you can imagine, and they absolutely stank of cigarette smoke. I had to change my newborn as they stank too after she held them.

So don't talk to me about MILs!!!! That's only a fraction of it!

Maybe there are more MIL threads on here than FIL/BIL/SIL/mum/dad etc but that's probably because a disproportionate amount of people here are/have been parents with young children which grandmothers tend to be more involved with, potentially causing more strife. For sure there are lots of relationship threads on other ILs/siblings/parents though. The sad fact is lots of people are annoying, batshit, or rude, not just MILs.

There is so much wrong with that statement.

I can understand why some people don’t like “labels”. That generation a can be of the “ lot of stuff and nonsense” mindset. Or do you mean she won’t tolerate their personality?

It's different before you get married to their sons. You're prepared to tolerate a certain amount before you've committed. It's only after the wedding that you realise the shitshow you've got yourself into!

It’s not a label, though. ADHD is a medical diagnosis. I have to hide his meds when she comes over. I can’t think of another medical condition she’d be ‘against’.

Always makes me really happy to see people with nice MILs

had I married my ex bf I would’ve had the best MIL. However, that’s no reason to marry someone

my MIL is a narcissist, stuck up cow unfortunately. Who thinks her DILs aren’t good enough for her boys and has said just that. Think she wanted to marry her boys herself.
them leaving home has caused her to worry about her sons wellbeing’s all of a sudden even though she never showed them any love or sympathy throughout their lives.

very very bizarre.

it used to break my heart that I didn’t have a good Mil. But I know it’s not me, it’s her. So I’m over it.

I hope I'm a lovely MIL. They seem to treat me as though I am and it's never been a struggle to accept my darling DIL - she makes my son so happy (even after 20yrs) so how can I not love her! My sister, however, used to be the MIL from hell (admittedly he'd 'married his mother' - strong-willed, opinionated, a real drama llama) and I warned her that, unless she backed off, she'd lose her son as most men will choose wife over mother. She listened, changed her behaviour towards them both and now, superficially at least, peace has been declared!

@ProfessorPeppy my MIL also doesn’t ‘believe’ in my child’s diagnosis. She’s so fucking ignorant on so many levels.

Fair enough, l wouldn’t be wanting me in my life either. Does she think neurodiversity is made up or is “bad parenting” or nonsense like that?

Me = her

You are extremely lucky op, my Mil was the reason I found mn about 13 years ago.
I googled I something like "why is my Mil so horrible to me when I've just had a baby" or " why is my Mil trying to break up my marriage" and mumsnet threads came up.

It's been like a therapy on here, talking to others with similar experiences.

MIL1 was mental and spiteful. Thought “mothers with children who work, are basically child abusers”. Was jealous about me being a qualified nurse. Interfering and smothering e.g. wanting to come to stay for 3 weeks etc

MIL2 pleasant and dotes on our children which is lovely. Has over stepped ever so slightly a few times. But my husband doesn’t mind setting her straight

My ex MIL was the Hyacinth Bouquet type. Had standard w/c upbringing, inherited some money via her husband then turned into world's biggest snob. Tried to control everything we did/spent money on and mummy's boy went along with it. When she started on me becoming more like a "proper wife" I left.

My MiL is hard work & we paying the costs with therapy for my husband due to her controlling behaviour!

When I met my husband he was NC with her. I couldn’t understand why any one would go NC with family and they reconnected.

Nearly 2 years ago I went NC - after 20 years of me trying I had to step back.

My husband still has a relationship with his Mum, he is an only child and holds a huge amount of guilt - he is still having therapy. I won’t ever ask him to choose us over her.

Doesn’t help that I wasn’t the DIL she wanted - apparently a 1940 housewife who should have known her place.

I hope I’m nothing like her! My daughter boyfriend mum has been lovely to my daughter and welcomed her completely (which was a relief!)

Well, I’m fairly sure she’s ND herself, as are all of her family in various ways! Of course it wasn’t a thing when she was growing up in the 1950s.

My DDs paternal grandmother is a nasty, controlling, spiteful woman who dresses it all up as care and concern. She was wonderful to me while I towed the party line, but on the rare occasions I didn't (expecting to examine my bank account to see if I could contribute more to her sons home, which I had no share of) she turned. Her son is a spineless, abusive man, whose mother controls his finances and life even now he is remarried, who has badmouthed me and my DD to the rest of the family so extensively they all treat her like an outcast. I thought it was me, that I was hard work, or not trying enough, and it caused me a lot of distress at the time.

My MiL now is one of my best friends. I love her to pieces. She is kind, hilarious, principled, a bit difficult sometimes but never, ever with me, and always on my side. It helps that her son is a decent hardworking man who loves us all, but I was so scared of meeting her and being negatively affected by another involved mum. Ten years later and I spend more time with her than with my own DM. I realise it was never me, and original nan is now reaping the rewards of her behaviour with almost everyone she knows.

Are you sure we don’t have the same MIL…

DH is an only child so definitely not!

A lot of us abused kids worked damn hard to become who we are DESPITE our parents and the idea that they deserve credit for who we became adds insult to injury.