Mil threads

[fishonabicycle]

I cannot believe that all the women suddenly become totally mental once their son has a child. Personally I think most of the MIL chats are total fiction!

Ah ok. I assume he could do no wrong etc.

Well he couldn’t in her eyes, but after he did that to me I left him.

I think it’s a complicated dyad in general which is why you see so many threads on it.

three of my long term boyfriends had amazing mothers who were great - one in particular was just so lovely to me and I was very very fond of her!

unfortunately my DH has a “difficult” mother 🤷🏻‍♀️
in fairness, my mil would likely say I am incredibly difficult too because I don’t let her do whatever the fuck she wants when she wants like her sons do

Luckily my own MIL is great, always has been, but I can well believe some of the threads here from friends experiences with their MILs, in some cases FILs. The in law dynamic can be tricky.

I meant her alright 🙂 I doff my cap to you for leaving the plonker sooner rather than later. You dodged a bullet (or two!) by the sounds of it!

Mine was never great but when DC was born it went off like a rocket.

I didn't pay her enough attention when she visited us in hospital. I only looked at the baby.

I was selfish for breastfeeding denying her her rights to feed her grandchild. Plus FIL would be embarrassed.

I was selfish for not letting him stay at hers for the weekend at six weeks for the above reasons.

She didn't like his name so told all her family he had a different name altogether.

There's nothing wrong with him we are claiming benefit for no reason and IF there is someone wrong it obviously came from my side as all her family are normal.

That doesn't even scratch the surface. I'd love a close relationship but she hated me from day one.

I think in most cases it’s not a sudden change, it’s just you take more notice of their behaviour when you’re thrown together more with the addition of children.

I’m 46 and don’t know anyone whose personality has changed in any meaningful way. Yes, people mature and are shaped by experiences, but in essentials? No: people done really change.

It’s the same with the ‘my partner has become lazy since I had a baby’ - no, always lazy, just more noticeable now the baby is here.

I wouldn’t have a relationship where I didn’t get on with in-laws too. It’s too much hard work.

My SIL and I like each other (I think 😁). My daughter really likes her ILs.

Both of us keep our noses out of their business unless asked and offer support as and when requested.

I think that’s very true. We ignore red flag behaviour when relationships start (maybe nothing glaringly obvious) and it’s only when we’re stuck in it with kids, trying to hold down a job etc that the resentment builds. I had years of my MIL’s snide comments but it was always passed off with ‘you know what she’s like’. It’s only years later I can see how toxic the family set up is. As soon as I stopped playing the game, the viscousness was really unleashed.

We used to get on well with IL's - my MIL however, as she's aged, has become very narcissistic, it was always there but she can't hide it now, she's just awful! She's done all sorts like come in and told me my carpet is filthy; bought a saucepan to make my baby scrambled eggs so there's always a clean pan, bought their own cups so they're always clean - I wouldn't mind but we are clean and we even have bloody cleaners! She loses her shit if we do something that she deems unnecessary, couldn't BELIEVE I was going away with friends, and leaving my family on their own (I work in a really stressful job, so does DH, he does his own thing occasionally, me too, plus we have plenty of family time and holidays together too). Gone LC (would prefer NC) and our children can't stand it as they see what she's like too - there's loads of other occasions when she's been an arsehole but not going into detail here
I think it's a combo of age, true feelings they've hidden and just miserableness that they exude all over everyone else because they're sad little lives are shit compared to their children/in-law

DH is a total anomaly. I think she went batshit in her later years when his formative years were over. His siblings did not make it to adulthood unscathed, sadly.

someone screaming abuse at you and not letting you respond as you are younger at them is not something I’d ever experienced prior to MIL. Actually so are many things. My mother is also pretty crazy but in a sort of well meaning way 😃

A lot of sense talked here already. It can be an odd dynamic. My MIL is ok, and we rub along, it's more a personality difference which neither of us can help.

One thing though, that in my experience men are not so good at keeping in touch with nitty gritty bits about the family. So their mums get left out a bit, and so maybe they have to be a bit pushy to stay in the loop.

I've got 4 DDs (3 in their 20s) and we all natter all the time and all the gossip and details about what's going on just slushes about between us each day without us even thinking. DH is in the loop from me or in the room at the time but it must just pass over his head.

Because DH gets on the phone to his mum (after i remind him to ring) and she says 'SO! What's happening with all of you then?' and he says ' ...... er, nothing much i don't think' 🙄 If i'm in ear shot i'll be going 'Yes there has! Tell your mum about x and y and z ect. !!'

My XH was the same and that MIL had 3 sons and they were all shite at keeping in touch as well. I didn't like the woman and she didn't like me and didn't hide it - but i still felt sorry for her sometimes.

You probably just got lucky OP

I don't really care! It was an observation - I don't have any friends whose MILs are psychopaths either!

My first mil was the bitch from hell. she was spiteful and mean mainly due to her bitterness at wife swapping with another couple and the wife ending up with her husband he was glad to go with her drinking and mouth. she pissed all the money against the wall and was angry she ended up in a bedsit at 50 instead of her posh house. she caused so much trouble with me and my late first husband i did all i could to welcome her instead she encouraged him to go on week long benders with her leaving me and 2 young kids with no money. i was scrubbing floors at 8 months pregnant to get some money for them. when my darling mum died in hospital i was waiting at home as i could not bear to be there when she died my bil came to tell me that she had gone and hugged me in comfort quite normal but she told my husband we were feeling each other up and had probably done more than that. later on i was so distraught over mums death i could barely function she had been stopping with us supposedly for support for me in reality falling out with her latest bf. anyway we had just told the girls their beloved granny had died and she said she had not had anything to eat when i apologised saying i had been distracted she said fuck the dead think of the living.
not able to take anymore of her later i said to my late husband i wanted to see mum in the chapel of rest so could he pop us over about 5 miles away. we got about a mile and the car broke down me and the girls were breaking our hearts but his mother got out the car said she wanted to be taken home about 17 miles away. my late got the car going and him and my mother drove off leaving me and the girls on a country road on a dark night the girls were 6 and 7 years in the end i got a lift too late to see mum which i never did and in the end i had no choice but to go to dads which upset me so much as losing mum nearly killed him in the end his friend took me home never saw late husband for a week just in time for funeral whole marriage was beatings upset his family

This is actually the truth of it.

I get on ok with my dmil. I’ve known her 25 years now and we rub along quite nicely. She’s been a wee bit rude and snappy at times but I can bite my tongue and ignore and just recently she’s been very kind to me. My poor dsil hasn’t been as lucky and the whole family are now nc and have been for many years. No one will step in and try and sort this as they don’t want to upset dmil (either that or they don’t want her to fall out with them). Bil has tried a couple of times to build bridges but mil will accept him and (now adult) kids but not sil so nothing has changed.

My first MIL was nicknamed "The wicked witch of the west" by my family.
She was a total bitch from the first time I met her & her behaviour & the exs response (lack of) to it were major factors in us separating.

My current MIL is lovely, she lives in a different country but always rents an airb&b or goes to a hotel when she visits as she needs her space & can't cope with our family life 24/7.

Mine is very sly

My MiL was wonderful, in the depths of dementia she told me how wonderful her daughter-in-law was.

I've tried to be the same to my children's partners

MILs were DILs at some point. They don't suddenly morph into MIL from hell.
They managed to bring up a child who was attractive enough a prospect to get into a relationship with, and procreate with. They obviously got something right.

I always think 'oh yeah, and what's MIL view' on threads about MILs.

My MIL was wonderful and I still miss her.

If you read a lot of threads on here it's not just the MILs it's the DMs as well. A lot seem all seem to want to take over the GC as if it's their child.

I wish mine started to be weird after the wedding but according to DH she‘s always been.. MIL/bad grandparent thread worthy. 😅

My MiL is lovely, not really my cup of tea, but not a psycho in anyway. Consequently I have had no need to start a thread about her…

threads on here are often venting and written after incidents and long enough as they are, there‘s no mentioning of the also existing positive sides of those MILs/DMs. A lot of threads are about a certain behavior of MILs and not a balanced review of all characters involved …