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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pictures in the downstairs loo

109 replies

Grocer · 06/05/2024 09:48

I'm trying to do up the house a bit (lots of blank white walls & a general lack of love).

I got a little collection of family things to put up in the loo - all in nice frames. Few old postcards. Couple of baby pics. One (small) wedding photo (no professional or flashy - just a nice casual photo taken by my mum).

Started to put them up (nice bank holiday job) and DH said he thinks obnoxious when people put pictures of their own lives in the loo - like we are showing off - and if i want to put up a wedding photo it should be in our room.

I guess my AIBU is two-fold really - do people agree about downstairs loos?

But bigger question is does my DH get a say in all this stuff when he doesn't do anything himself? He doesn't suggest or buy anything for our house or do any DIY at all - but he does have a habit of telling me my ideas are terrible, a lot.

After ranting for 10 minutes about how much 'i bloody hate the idea' - i then put the pictures back in the drawer and he said 'do it if you want. i'm allowed to give my opinion though'

But it's pretty hard to crack on with something when you know the person you live with 'absolutely hates it'.

I know he can give opinions - of ocurse he can- but jsut feels like everything i do i have someone telling me how shit it all is.

Also, i am interested in whether people agree that family pics or litte pictures/postcards in the loo is obnoxious?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

NorfolkSwan · 06/05/2024 10:13

I wouldn’t put family photos in the loo. It’s too small a space for people to fully appreciate them, and i think a loo isn’t quite the right environment for showcasing important family memories or people.

Spinlet · 06/05/2024 10:13

Wedding pics in a communal part of the house seem normal to me. Somehow downstairs loo specifically feels a bit odd.

Of course he gets a vote, but he needs to be prepared to compromise too.

TheNoodlesIncident · 06/05/2024 10:14

My brother as a teenager had lots of pop star posters on his bedroom walls, he used to put a piece of paper over Alannah Currie's face when he was getting dressed/undressed. I found it so amusing If I'd felt the same I'd have taken all day doing that as most of my posters were Duran Duran guys.

I also wouldn't put photos of people in the loo, but anything else really is fair game. What is ghastly though is your husband's horrible attitude of scorning anything you do but not having any better suggestions himself. I wouldn't like to live like that. Of course he's allowed to say "I don't like that idea" but he should be respectful and considerate of your feelings at the same time. And having alternative ideas to suggest is even better because at least then you can work out some compromise.

BarnacleBeasley · 06/05/2024 10:15

I think the downstairs loo is for hilarious certificates, ideally for a mix of actual achievements and slightly shit things. Your DH would hate it though as it is faux-modest showing off, ie 'I'm so casual about my achievements that they're only in the loo'. Having family memories and pictures up in your home is not remotely showing off - they're for you to look at more than for visitors.

dudsville · 06/05/2024 10:17

I have a space in my house where i keep many family pics. I love it.

Sillyjane · 06/05/2024 10:19

Spinlet · 06/05/2024 10:13

Wedding pics in a communal part of the house seem normal to me. Somehow downstairs loo specifically feels a bit odd.

Of course he gets a vote, but he needs to be prepared to compromise too.

To be fair I’d not put wedding pics in there either, but I dont see why not. I’m not sure I think it’s show casing important events though, as a pp said,
the ones we have up, are mixed with other arty ones, and they are funny candid ones, like my daughter laughing, or my husband a bit drunk on holiday and head back sleeping.

but then I don’t think photos watch me either…

Catza · 06/05/2024 10:19

Grocer · 06/05/2024 10:07

i have never heard of this things about 'photos of people watching me' - but lots of people seem to think this.

My DH wasn't saying that btw - he was saying he thinks it's very 'look at me' to have photos or anything like that in the loo.

Realistically, how many visitors do you have annually that your husband cannot bear a thought of someone judging him on his decor?
Unless you are hosting elaborate parties every week, I don't see whom you are "showing off" to.

KimberleyClark · 06/05/2024 10:19

BlueWhale47 · 06/05/2024 10:02

I personally wouldn't like photos of people in the loo. Around the rest of the house sure but not the loo. Couldn't explain why just feels a bit odd

I think I would also prefer some calming landscapes or abstracts in the loo. Or dog pictures.

DustyLee123 · 06/05/2024 10:20

I don’t like any pictures etc in loos, as i think of the germs sitting on them.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 06/05/2024 10:20

Sillyjane · 06/05/2024 10:13

You feel ill at the thought of a candid pic of someone in a loo??

Show quote history

That's correct. Photos of people in bathrooms make me feel physically sick. It's sensory overload, I explained it was odd so what's your problem?!! Don't think it affects you. I don't want an image of someone's Dad looking at me while sitting on toilet. No thank you.

Emmerald · 06/05/2024 10:21

I think I'd like a selection of framed saucy postcards (the ones you used to look at when you went to the seaside as a child and your mum dragged you away from) in my downstairs loo!

MsMuffinWalloper · 06/05/2024 10:23

I always thought the downstairs loo was for jokes - slightly rude.
I think Carol Vorderman has one of her awards in hers.
It's not usually a place for things you really love...

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/05/2024 10:23

It's only showing off to have family pics around the house, if your house is also a business - like you run counselling sessions from home, or run a b and b, then it's not really appropriate.

Surely 95pc of the time, its just your immediate family in the house? So who does he think it's showing off to? Surely you decorate for you and what you like, rather than to cater for the perceived judgements of occasional visitors (who probably don't think like that anyway, given most families have pics of their family/ kids on display somewhere)

Have you spoken to your husband about how he has a habit of negativity about your ideas without any positive contributions of his own?

christmascalypso · 06/05/2024 10:26

I like looking at photos in peoples loos. We have some silly photos in our loo and collages that kids have given us created on a photo site. They aren't that professional so thought the loo the best place!

TheTripThatWasnt · 06/05/2024 10:27

I wouldn't put 'memento' pics in the loo personally, but I couldn't care less about what anyone else did.

As to having wedding/family pics on show... why ever not?! I have them on the dresser - a wedding one, one of each set of parents and siblings. Plus a mixed frame of pics with various friends on the wall. They are they becuase they all invoke happy memories and it's nice to see them. They're not for 'showing off' to other people. If you divide up all the time spent in your home into a pie chart of who is in the home at any one time, the slice with 'visitors' would be tiny, so why have your decor choices dictated by that slice?

Original poster

Grocer · 06/05/2024 10:27

i think the wedding photo thing is giving people the wrong idea. i didn't have a professional photographer at my wedding as hate staged photos so the wedding photo is one and me DH laughing under a table at midnight - not a glossy photo - you wouldn't even know it's a wedding photo.

i don't really relate to the thing about people watching you! the only time i would ever feel weird about a photo in a bedroom...is if you're having sex and you can see a photo of someone's dad or something - because it would be distracting - but looking at a funny photo while having a wee or washing my hands - no problem at all!

OP posts:

RogueFemale · 06/05/2024 10:28

If you mean a downstairs cloakroom, - there are no rules, but traditionally cloakroom pictures should be a bit amusing or something you wouldn't really put in a living room. So, informal family pics are fine, kid's drawings, interesting quotes.

neverbeenskiing · 06/05/2024 10:28

We have a couple of smallish framed abstract art prints in the downstairs loo. I probably wouldn't have photos of friends or family in the loo, so I'm with your DH on that one, but his reaction seems a bit extreme.

I think the postcards sound like a nice idea, he can't object to that surely? They're just postcards how could that be "showing off"?

I definitely disagree with your DH that you should only have wedding photos in your bedroom, seems a bit odd like he's embarrassed or something. Is it possible that he doesn't like the way he looks in the photos?

velvetydogtoy · 06/05/2024 10:29

Not a fan of family photos anywhere tbh but it's your husband's house as well as yours so you need to come to a compromise.

neverbeenskiing · 06/05/2024 10:30

Maybe he uses the downstairs loo for a wank and doesn't want you and the kids watching him! 😅

MaryFuckingFerguson · 06/05/2024 10:30

I think it can be a tad obnoxious sometimes. My friend has her kids’ graduation photos in her loo, as well as other photos/memorabilia which can be seen as somewhat boastful.

Original poster

Grocer · 06/05/2024 10:30

velvetydogtoy · 06/05/2024 10:29

Not a fan of family photos anywhere tbh but it's your husband's house as well as yours so you need to come to a compromise.

i do agree. but he doesn't suggest anything. he's not saying 'ah, family photos are weird, but how about this?' - he saying 'putting stuff in the downstairs loo is ridiculous and naff. just leave it alone. it looks fine' and he says that for 99% of everything. i can't find the compromise in that.

OP posts:

AstralSpace · 06/05/2024 10:31

Family photos are nice but I don't like them in the loo. Loo is a private alone time so It seems a bit intrusive? That probably sounds a bit weird to some but others will get it.

CadyEastman · 06/05/2024 10:34

I don't like photos in loos but I don't like the idea of wedding photos or baby photos on bedrooms either.

Luckily though I have a DH who likes art so has hung some "interesting" things on our loo and bedroom walls

Tell your DH he is only really allowed an opinion if it's constructive or he's willing to take on the complete decoration of the room and get it finished by next weekend

Sillyjane · 06/05/2024 10:38

Grocer · 06/05/2024 10:30

Show quote history

My husband does this sometimes, I just ignore him. He’s not known for bus interior design skills. Recently I wanted to move an antique monks bench to another location in the house . We had to move it anyway, as the room it was in was being decorated. So I said let’s plop it there and see how it looks.

for some reason he proper whinged, I like it where it is, don’t want to put it there, blah blah. I wasn’t really hung up either way, so was like ok, we will move it back when rooms done, no biggie.

next day he was all I really like it there, it looks like it was made for that space, let’s keep it there,

he always does it, fuck knows why.

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