Give up a small dream?

[Notdoriangrey]

NC for this. Advice really welcome. Partner self employed and always worked consistently for the time we have been together, around ten years. No children together. Seperate finances, no joint accounts, fifty fifty generally on finances. Unfortunately partner hasn't secured any work over the last 18 months. I have been increasingly concerned about money but all efforts to discuss have been deflected. Either oh it will be ok or just not replying to my questions. I work full time, good salary as one person average if divided by two if you see what I mean. Rather abruptly a week ago partner told me that within three months he will have no money left and we will need to live off my salary. He then walked off and will not engage in any further conversation. Living on my salary will be tight but manageable. Very tight and treats etc could only be possible if I take on more work. But here's the dilemma. For a while I have been working towards being able to do a higher level qualification and I was hoping to start in the autumn. It's a dream that I have cherished for a long time and has been put off because of various life events. He has always known of my plan. I would get some funding but to make the time really wanted the drop a day at work. Or compress my hours. I hadn't factored working more and can't imagine I would be able to manage both. I really, really don't want to put it off. I have some savings which could help us but I'm so disappointed. I was looking forward to it so much and I feel that his attitude is uncompromising. I'm scared too that he won't work again and my savings, very hard earned will all be used up too.

AIBU to still want to do qualification?
YUBU bills must be paid

But if he’s had no work as a self-employed person in a year and a half, why doesn’t he get a job? Or he’s tried and failed?

If he’s worked consistently for quite a while, what’s happened in the last year and a half that means he hasn’t had any work?

Why is all of this worry falling on ypur shoulders? So he says he's running out of money so it's up to you to support both of you? Not on your life sunshine! Do not give up your dream for this man who is happy to leach off you, you will absolutely regret it.

Tell him you are going to go ahead with your plan so he needs to find a way to contribute to the household financially.

Tell him you are going to go ahead with your plan so he needs to find a way to contribute to the household financially.

do this.

His business is no longer a going concern so he needs to get a job. And you need to stand firm.
It really is that simple.

Tell him to bugger off!

Tell him you are going to go ahead with your plan so he needs to find a way to contribute to the household financially.

this x 100. Be prepared for him to throw a tantrum and accuse you of ‘only caring about money, only loving him for money’ and etc etc to deflect from the fact that he’s essentially refusing to work at anything else (ego thing? Struggling with self worth after business essentially folding?).

carry on.

He can move in with a family member til he gets a job then. You aren't his mother.

It's quite telling that he knows he is going to run out of money in three months and will be living off your income. He has no intention of finding work.

He has tried to get work both as self employed and employed. Had some interviews but not progressed further. I wonder if it's partly age, we are older but not at retirement. And in some ways expectation. He looks at a job advert and if he can do some of it he will apply, but he's not actually the right fit for the job.

It's a no from me. My partner is also self-employed and I get that shit happens. I do have a savings pot for the rainy day and I am happy to tie him over for a couple of months if that is what's needed BUT... if he ever just came to me and "informed" me that that's what is expected and then walked off, I would encourage him to keep walking. It's not the finances that is the issue, it's a complete lack of respect.
So no, don't do it. Either he is gong to start having a grown up discussion and a plan for how he is going to earn going forward or he gets nothing.

whose house are you living in? can you live separately for a while until he is back on his feet, so he doesn't drain you of all your resources?

Deffo do you qualification, he doesn't get to scupper your dreams and career progression because he doesn't have a job.

He needs some career advice so that he can find a job. It doesn't sound like he's applying for the right things.

Don't give up on your dream. You will end up resenting him for that and for contributing nothing financially.

Is he applying for any job that comes up? He can't afford to be picky at this point.

I don't believe there is no work he can get at all!

A teen I know stacks shelves overnight at Tesco.

Can he do voluntary work in a charity shop to get retail experience?

Theres plenty of opportunities out there if you put the effort in.

Sounds like he’s become a bit of a cock lodger and used to you funding him. Don’t put off your dream. Work hard with him to get a job. Sit down with him and go through job adverts together. Help him fill in job applications. Be pro active. He’s coasting and got used to it.

It is obvious to me that you should continue your dream and your partner should get a job asap, any job. Would you approach him and tell him he had to support you indefinitely? What if you couldn't work for whatever reason? What would he do then? I think he's disrespectful and highly entitled. This behaviour from a grown adult male is highly off-putting.

Totally with @Wishimaywishimight - you shouldn't shoulder 100% of the burden.
I've been self-employed for >25 years - while the skills I use are pretty much the same, the sort of work/clients have changed. Would this apply to himj?
I did lots of voluntary work when I was out of work years ago (as @Riverlee suggests). It opened doors to organisations in which I wouldn't have stood a chance in securing a job the usual way.
Don't give up your dream.

He seems to apply for lots of jobs and he is becoming increasingly demoralised. I think he's scared and depressed because not working undermines his idea of who he is. However he does need a job. I think the careers advice mentioned is a great idea and I will definitely encourage that.

Why has his business suddenly stopped making money?

He needs to get work, any work. Stacking shelves, pulling pints.

Thank you for your suggestions I will definitely speak to him about them. I think he needs to be more creative in his thinking. And I also think we need an in-depth discussion which, up to this point, he hasn't wanted to have v

The fact he seems completely unwilling to speak to you/discuss this is of real concern OP. I wouldn't be able to live with that at all.

He just can't get the work he used to. He's getting a little bit older and it's competitive and there doesn't seem to be as much work as there was. He has been without work before but for only a month or two so he used some savings but never needed to dip into them too much. Because he has been without work for quite a time all savings have nearly gone. I understand all of that, I suppose I'm upset because I feel like I have been told rather than having a discussion.

Can he go for a lower level of job then?