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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Told friend to get a hotel

94 replies

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:02

I went to a concert with a friend. Since it was finishing late and she had a long way home, she asked to stay over at mine and I agreed.

We had a great evening, however, my friend went overboard with the beer and appeared very drunk on the train home. That was bad enough, but she hurled various insults my way and also insulted some friends of mine we bumped into at the concert.

She was such a handful and really unpleasant, loud, and dramatic. I was desperate to send her home in an Uber but it was too far for an Uber. I felt tempted to check her into a hotel, but she was in no fit state to be left alone.

It seems she had also not bought a return ticket for herself and it was rather embarrassing when an inspector came to check, thankfully he was willing to overlook it since she was visibly drunk.

I took her to my home and tried to calm her down and finally managed to get her to go to sleep.

In the morning, she acted as though nothing had happened, all smiles.
I was happy just to finish on a good note (although this was very difficult), give her breakfast and send her home… then she made a “joke” referring to the insults from last night, basically repeating them!

I didn’t feed into it and silently took her to her station.

A few hours later, she texted to say there were no more trains going to her town, and could she return and stay another night. I told her she needed to find an alternate route home or check herself into a room.

I checked the trains online and she would have been able to get home, it just would have taken twice as long.

I explained that I had a really awful upsetting stressful night with her and she will have to excuse me if I choose not to risk a repeat.

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/05/2024 09:06

Dump her and block

Who needs "friends" like this

IncognitoUsername · 06/05/2024 09:06

Presumably this woman is an adult and sober so no, not unreasonable. She should have at least said sorry.

ZekeZeke · 06/05/2024 09:07

I would probably have excused the insults as she was pissed drunk, but because she repeated the same insults sober? Nah!
You did the right thing. You haven't abandoned her, she can get home but as you say it will just take longer.

Bigsislookingforadvice · 06/05/2024 09:09

She's a grown woman, let her figure it out.
Well done on being firm and calling her out it.

Watchwatchmymysteedsteedgogofarfar · 06/05/2024 09:10

One of her other friends can come get her, what a nightmare. Well done for standing up for yourself

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 06/05/2024 09:10

I'd send her the information about the trains that will get her home just in case she really isn't aware of this.

And I'd say "Personally I wouldn't be rude and insulting to anyone I considered a friend, especially if I was reliant on them for a place to stay, so perhaps consider that the completely unacceptable way you've treated me is the reason you have been "abandoned" "

Kitkatcatflap · 06/05/2024 09:11

Honestly OP, I admire your restraint. Dropping her off at the station, remaining silent on the journey and sending her a polite explanation as why she cannot stay show you have impeccable manners. Your now 'low contact' friend is a nasty drunk.

WickedSerious · 06/05/2024 09:11

Not unreasonable at all,I wouldn't give her another thought.

similarminimer · 06/05/2024 09:13

Definitely send her the train times you've found, say she's no doubt struggling with a horrible hangivdr this morning given her perfoemNce last night and you're happy to discuss once she's had time to reflect

sonjadog · 06/05/2024 09:14

As she is so unpleasant, I wouldn’t waste time thinking about what she thinks as you won’t be spending time with her again.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 06/05/2024 09:15

Fuck OP if that's one of your "friends" what are your "enemies" like?

Drop her ASAP is my advice.

converseandjeans · 06/05/2024 09:16

YANBU she sounds like a nightmare. I think the fact that she repeated insults means she is aware of what she said. She can just take the longer journey home if she's not keen to stay in a hotel.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 06/05/2024 09:18

You were quite right.

Lemons1571 · 06/05/2024 09:18

If ever there’s was a time and place for the thumbs up…..

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:31

I didn’t expect such a unanimous Mumsnet response!

Got more guilt tripping texts sending me fun photos from the night, and that she is disappointed in me and no longer considers me a true friend since she can’t trust me to look after her in an emergency.

Apparently, if the situations were reversed, she’d let me stay however long it took.

OP posts:
littlecurtainsdoorway · 06/05/2024 09:37

I think you did the right thing.

I had a friend who used to become really angry and insulting when she'd had too much to drink. I accept that alcohol makes some people like that, but the fact she repeated the insults when sober...nah!

You set a good boundary. You are not obliged to offer hospitality to anyone, let alone anyone who treats you poorly. Assuming she's a grown up and trains/transport are running pretty normally, finding your way home from a 'strange city' really isn't that difficult.

Well done on setting a healthy boundary.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2024 09:41

Doesn't she have work tomorrow?

catless · 06/05/2024 09:43

She texted from the station "a few hours later" ? Had she gone to the pub and missed her train?

Haydenn · 06/05/2024 09:46

I would reply back with “I stopped considering you a true friend when you said X. I was willing to be charitable and pass it off as you being drunk, but when you repeated it this morning rather than apologising I found that very hurtful.”

ClareBlue · 06/05/2024 09:51

You've been very reasonable and calm considering the circumstances. You've drawn the line and should now stick to it.
You've gone further than most of us would go in ensuring your 'friend' is OK. Adults can find their way home from any city if they have all day to do it. It might take some time, but so be it.

CJ0374 · 06/05/2024 09:55

I was in a similar situation years ago, but not an actual friend, just a work colleague I got on with. She was yelling out of people and trying to flash her boobs! She vomited on the bedroom floor onto new carpet we'd had laid only the week before!
The difference was though, that she claimed not to recall any of it and was very apologetic.

I find it odd that your 'friend' does recall the abusive and then felt the need to repeat it. She sounds about 14! You owe her nothing and I'd keep my distance. She sounds like a user.

Newestname002 · 06/05/2024 09:56

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:31

I didn’t expect such a unanimous Mumsnet response!

Got more guilt tripping texts sending me fun photos from the night, and that she is disappointed in me and no longer considers me a true friend since she can’t trust me to look after her in an emergency.

Apparently, if the situations were reversed, she’d let me stay however long it took.

Cheeky mare. She's very lucky you took care of her last night when she was being leery and insulting, let her stay in your home, gave her breakfast AND took her to the station for her journey home.

This is not a good friend and you're well rid of someone like this in your life, with whom you'd always need to have your guard up.

Yes do send her the travel links (though I'm sure she could have got them herself), then block her for today and get on with your day. Also save your message exchanges in case (a) she tries to delete them and (b) she's likely to have a sting in her tail and tries to badmouth you to anyone. 🌹

Newestname002 · 06/05/2024 09:58

CJ0374 · 06/05/2024 09:55

I was in a similar situation years ago, but not an actual friend, just a work colleague I got on with. She was yelling out of people and trying to flash her boobs! She vomited on the bedroom floor onto new carpet we'd had laid only the week before!
The difference was though, that she claimed not to recall any of it and was very apologetic.

I find it odd that your 'friend' does recall the abusive and then felt the need to repeat it. She sounds about 14! You owe her nothing and I'd keep my distance. She sounds like a user.

She vomited on the bedroom floor onto new carpet we'd had laid only the week before!

Ewwww!! Hope you billed her for the cleaning charges/new replacement carpet! 🌹

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:59

Years of reading Mumsnet has really helped me. There was a time I would have gone to pick her up and no doubt had another awful night. Except this time, she would have had the green light that I’m not going to do anything about it and perhaps behaved even worse.

She was telling me about how she navigated through Western Europe on her own, so I didn’t think National rail would defeat her!

She just wanted to give me a hard time for some reason.

It’s very ironic that she is disappointed in me and believes I have behaved badly. The sense of entitlement is staggering.

I guess you don’t know someone well until you at least spend a night with them.

She had been suggesting a winter a holiday together, I am so relieved we hadn’t booked this yet. I can’t imagine what sort of nightmare of a week it might have turned into if she was planning to drink everyday.

OP posts:
ApricotsAndPlums · 06/05/2024 10:01

It sounds like you handled this impeccably, OP. I wouldn’t get drawn into any further communication with her at this point.