Told friend to get a hotel

[Lasttrainhomes]

I went to a concert with a friend. Since it was finishing late and she had a long way home, she asked to stay over at mine and I agreed.

We had a great evening, however, my friend went overboard with the beer and appeared very drunk on the train home. That was bad enough, but she hurled various insults my way and also insulted some friends of mine we bumped into at the concert.

She was such a handful and really unpleasant, loud, and dramatic. I was desperate to send her home in an Uber but it was too far for an Uber. I felt tempted to check her into a hotel, but she was in no fit state to be left alone.

It seems she had also not bought a return ticket for herself and it was rather embarrassing when an inspector came to check, thankfully he was willing to overlook it since she was visibly drunk.

I took her to my home and tried to calm her down and finally managed to get her to go to sleep.

In the morning, she acted as though nothing had happened, all smiles.
I was happy just to finish on a good note (although this was very difficult), give her breakfast and send her home… then she made a “joke” referring to the insults from last night, basically repeating them!

I didn’t feed into it and silently took her to her station.

A few hours later, she texted to say there were no more trains going to her town, and could she return and stay another night. I told her she needed to find an alternate route home or check herself into a room.

I checked the trains online and she would have been able to get home, it just would have taken twice as long.

I explained that I had a really awful upsetting stressful night with her and she will have to excuse me if I choose not to risk a repeat.

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Am I being unreasonable?

Perfect example of exercising boundaries.

IF she had fulsomely apologised this morning I daresay you may have forgiven her.

42!!! Good grief. She's big enough and old enough to get herself home.

Block her - no loss there!

after her antics with your friends she would not have been staying with me one night, let alone 2

Her situation was an inconvenience, not an emergency.

Id be fizzing away from her tbh you dont need people in your life that make you uncomfortable.

"she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again."

I would text back along the lines of, "Well it's a pity that you haven't also learned your lesson to not ever again get so utterly shit-faced, that you act like a complete arse to whichever mug has been kind enough to offer you a bed for the night." Then block. She's no friend, just a piss taker.

How old is she? She presumably took a train to your city but suddenly finds herself vulnerable and incapable of sorting herself out when it appears her drunken shenanigans will cost her. YANBU because she needs this life lesson badly. Her feelings are not important than yours.

Also, if you do reply I would suggest

“You weren’t so intimidated by the ‘strange city’ last night when you chose to get blind drunk. I’m sure you’ll be able to navigate yourself to a hotel in the sober light of day and check yourself in.”

She’s crying? She’s crying because she’s been so awful to you you don’t want her back at your home and she’s feeling sorry for herself not because of what she did. Quite right op, stick to your guns and good riddance to her

But you did look after her in an emergency! and I'd text her the list of how you did, just to shut down her silly claims.

You Bought all the rounds,
You took her home whilst she was roaring drunk and abusive on the train.
You Negotiated with the Guard so that he didn't fine her or throw her off the train.
You got her home to your house and put her up for the night
You made her breakfast, all the while listening to her repeating her insults from the night before.
You drove her to the station which you presumed she'd be able to find her way home since she was boasting about travelling all over Europe.
There were trains to get home, if delayed, so saying there were none was a lie.
That is not abandoning anyone.

I'd also tell her that if she was a decent friend she would apologise for her horrible behaviour.
She won't of course, but hopefully she will take offence at the truth and won't trouble you again, which will be her loss... and your gain.

How can she say you can't be trusted in an emergency when you didn't ditch her last night after her pissed insults?!
Sounds like you were restrained and looked after her.
You sound like a great friend.
She sounds like a dick.
It's the fact she repeated the insults sober that would have got me too.

In vino veritas

What were the insults? Is there any chance at all that it’s crossed wires or just differing sense of humour?

I’m not suggesting you put her up - the idea of someone in my house for two nights would be absolute hell for me 😂

It just sounds as if you were reasonably good friends before, considering a holiday together etc and I wonder how you got to that point without seeing this side of her before? Is it a change in behaviour?

I’m only asking as if you were pretty good friends I’d be concerned about her wellbeing if she was acting way out of character.

Not concerned enough to offer her a bed for the night, mind you 😂

You did the right thing op. No way would I want to be friends with someone who hurled insults at me, let alone my friends she probably barely even knows anyway. People always say the truth comes out when you’re drunk. Not saying the insults she gave out were true, what I’m saying is she’s probably thinking those things anyway, just that she was more confident in saying them after being drunk.

She sounds a vile piece of work and not someone I’d have in my home. You probably did the right thing bringing her home while drunk and not abandoning her but you also did absolutely the right thing the next day by refusing to have her back again. She’s not happy being left on her own in a strange city? I always used to end up in unfamiliar cities all the time due to my work and I always managed ok. She needs to put her big girls pants on and act like a grown up.

If she doesn't want to be bothered with getting a train the long way around (possibly due to Bank Holiday engineering works), then she can book herself into a local hotel.
Or take a taxi to one, if there isn't one locally.

She said my friend had bad teeth and probably did drugs and looked really old and beat up - my friend is 41 and looks no older than that.
She then said I must be similar if they are my friends and that I must be addicted to drugs, too. She asked if we were in the business of selling drugs?

Absolutely nuts really paranoid stuff!

My friends were dressed very nicely and were absolutely lovely to her, maybe she couldn’t figure out why they were doing so well and lived in a nice area? There was also snobbery in that she called them low class because they had regional accents.

She advised me to get better friends and not acknowledge them anymore.

I was shocked and upset.

I haven’t seen this side of her because I’d never seen her this drunk before… she wasn’t falling over drunk, just loud mouthy paranoid drunk.

I think she was spinning out of control because she was trying to take control of all of us but couldn’t.

At one point, my friend had lost something and I was helping her look for it, and she told me it was her problem to sort out and I shouldn’t bother helping her… she asked that I stay by her side if it was her I had arrived with, I was only gone five minutes and told her I’d be back, she could have helped us search!

I guess there were some small signs of this in the past but never to this degree and I wasn’t paying attention or keeping count, because she was a good company vast majority of the time.

It was a deliberately engineered emergency.

She knew exactly what hat she was doing and planned to get off her face and though muggins (you) would nail her out of her self inflicted mess.

She's really just a piece of trash to behave like that.

This. You did nothing wrong. She is no big loss because she's no friend.

My reply ....and I would never insult my friend or anyone they knew in such a vile way which obviously as you repeated it in the morning without as much as an apology is the true you ergo you are not my friend just a user. Goodbye.

She’s claiming she never said this and is suggesting I must have only misunderstood her one little “joke” from the morning.
The previous night has been completely denied.
She asked me why I would accuse her of something like that?

I’m guessing she’s too ashamed to admit this, let alone apologise.

I have told her we can leave it all there. There’s no point talking with someone who wants to lie and gaslight.

I had a friend like this who was an absolute nightmare every time we went out. She had a bad drinking problem which she still hasn’t got a handle on , 25 years + of pissing people off. Any normal person would be mortified, the fact she isn’t and hasn’t offered an apology is a big red flag. You are well rid of her, just block her. If you have mutual friends, I think you’ll find they all have a similar low option of her.

Just block her op. She sounds like a narcissist and a gaslighter. She is trying to make you question your perception of reality by denying it. You know it happened so do not let her tell you otherwise.

Someone who causes so much agro and drama and then denies doing it would result in the friendship instantly being terminated by me. She is showing you her true colours now and who she really is, her mask has slipped off, this is the real her. I could not be arsed with such drama lamas.

I have a pretty dark sense of humour and I tend to be really quite relaxed about jokes - my friends are similar, so to others it might sound quite shocking if they heard us joking around in private.

So I was wondering if it was just something like that.

But your update is really horrendous! There's absolutely no way any of that is humour, or you being over-sensitive/misreading a joke. I honestly don't know how you kept your cool.

Her behaviour sounds absolutely awful and I totally get why you're drawing such a hard line now. Reading your further update re her gaslighting you - I wouldn't ever see or speak to this friend again.

Thank goodness you saw this side before booking a holiday!!! Fate was certainly looking out for you.

I hope you're not feeling too upset by all of this, can't have been nice for you having to deal with her behaviour - and now you're having to deal with her lying and making you out to be unreasonable. Gah!!!

You have already gone over and above what you should have done, she is no friend as she's just using you and wiping the floor with you in the process, in fact, she should damn well apologise to you for the way she treated you because she should be VERY ASHAMED OF HERSELF.

So she's just trying to manipulate you again, so don't you go feeling guilty over it because of crap she's coming out with.Tell her to go and get stood on and surround your self with decent people who can handle their drink and who treat you right.

Just drop her like a lead balloon.