Told friend to get a hotel

[Lasttrainhomes]

I went to a concert with a friend. Since it was finishing late and she had a long way home, she asked to stay over at mine and I agreed.

We had a great evening, however, my friend went overboard with the beer and appeared very drunk on the train home. That was bad enough, but she hurled various insults my way and also insulted some friends of mine we bumped into at the concert.

She was such a handful and really unpleasant, loud, and dramatic. I was desperate to send her home in an Uber but it was too far for an Uber. I felt tempted to check her into a hotel, but she was in no fit state to be left alone.

It seems she had also not bought a return ticket for herself and it was rather embarrassing when an inspector came to check, thankfully he was willing to overlook it since she was visibly drunk.

I took her to my home and tried to calm her down and finally managed to get her to go to sleep.

In the morning, she acted as though nothing had happened, all smiles.
I was happy just to finish on a good note (although this was very difficult), give her breakfast and send her home… then she made a “joke” referring to the insults from last night, basically repeating them!

I didn’t feed into it and silently took her to her station.

A few hours later, she texted to say there were no more trains going to her town, and could she return and stay another night. I told her she needed to find an alternate route home or check herself into a room.

I checked the trains online and she would have been able to get home, it just would have taken twice as long.

I explained that I had a really awful upsetting stressful night with her and she will have to excuse me if I choose not to risk a repeat.

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Am I being unreasonable?

Exactly!

Wait a minute , she left after breakfast. Guess you may have slept in and had a late breakfast. But even so. How long was she in the city that there were no more trains and Where does she live which made the journey difficult?

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Reply " And I would never say the horrible things you said to me last night to anyone."

Blockity blockity block block block. And well done for enforcing decent boundaries.

I'm glad you've not committed yourself to a holiday with someone who cannot recognise their limits when drinking. I am one of the 98% agreeing with you.

I do agree though about how much more difficult it is to navigate National Rail than other countries (or certainly the ones I have used long distance trains on). No defence for the behaviour though.

I found this curious as well, who knows what she was doing!
I didn’t ask, it was now her responsibility to get herself home.

It’s almost like she had infantilised herself and I had become “mommy” - who is supposed to take care of her and all of her problems even when she is behaving terribly.

Send her a link for the 'Race across the world' programme, the people on there navigate continents with no phones and little money!

She sounds insufferable and her behaviour has told you all you need to know. She doesn't even have the emotional intelligence to understand that you are upset by her bad behaviour, yet feels she is entitled to be upset because you have dared to feel upset! CF! (And a liability!)

If she was subdued and contrite that might be different but given that she was repeating the same insults and finding it funny, nope, she's terminated her own welcome hasn't she?

Block at least for now. I'd be going LC if not NC after those shenanigans.

A simple thank you would have been fine.

As it is, it is me who has learned a lesson well.

I have a friend like that. To be honest I hardly see her these days. Every problem she has she asks me what she's meant to do and can I help.
How am I meant to get there? What train do I catch? What platform? There's no trains what am i meant to do now?
I need to order this but my card isn't working. Can you order it? I won't be in that day though for delivery. What am I supposed to do now? How can I get my parcel? Can you contact them to change it?
I've also been accused of "abandoning" her in various places. In reality it's normally been when I've wanted to leave and she didn't. Apparently her having to make her own way home by herself was awful and unreasonable. The fact that I did that same journey by myself an hour or two earlier was irrelevant.

She's also a professional woman (in her 50s!!) with a very decent job who in every other aspect of life that can't involve me she is fully capable. But where I can help/ do it for her she becomes like a child. It's odd.

@Flocke

How do you deal with this? This has the potential for this to continue when you are both in your dotage..?🌹

Well you did look after her in an emergency, when she was drunk, didn’t have a train ticket….. Being driven to a railway station in broad daylight when you have had a good nights sleep and you are a full grown adult with credit cards and the ability to read a timetable is not needing emergency care

@Lasttrainhomes you are most definitely not BU. She sounds quite entitled and unpleasant, and I'd be re-thinking my friendship with her tbh.

Agree. She would have been in a hotel for the first night after that behaviour.

To be honest these days, just ignoring. I've turned my blue ticks off on WhatsApp. I don't answer the phone. If I'm feeling in a generous mood I'll answer and help. But I just claim that I was busy and didn't see the message/ call etc. By the time I've replied she's usually sorted the problem. Because like I've said she's more than capable.

"You were drunk, abusive, insulting and vomited on my floor. I have no interest in being subjected to any more of it. Have a safe trip home".

You should have told her that the lesson for her to learn is not to insult you and then expect help from you.

This.

It’s a combination of bank holiday track works, this week’s train strikes and the overtime ban. Travelling by rail today is a bit of a nightmare. I’m scheduled to travel later and it’s going to take considerably longer than usual to reach my destination.

However, it’s been known for weeks there will be issues - she either didn’t check or did check and thought she could con the OP into another night.

How old is she OP? Nobody likes a friend that drinks so much they are a liability, sounds an absolute nightmare, they will need to get used to people reacting like you have, this is the consequence of getting very drunk and acting appallingly.

Block this grotty woman and never speak to her again.

Who needs friends like that? A low life drunkard.

“The situation would never be reversed. I wouldn’t get blind drunk, loud, and make racist jokes, then repeat them when sober the next morning. Your behaviour was obnoxious and stressful, and not an experience I ever want to repeat. Don’t contact me again.”

I think this is what happened.
I believe she deliberately didn’t buy either of her return tickets for a similar reason (she maybe expected me to purchase the ticket for her when she was out of it) - she was suspiciously missing when rounds were being bought, too.

I agree with the earlier poster who said she sounds like a bit of a user. I hadn’t seen it until now.

I guess it was a bit of a rude surprise for her… she was talking like it was a done deal that of course she would be staying.

Now I’m thinking with hindsight, she did mention before arriving that her child was having a sleepover for two nights. That may have been my cue to invite her for the whole weekend?

I wouldn’t have offered more than one night because she’s never stayed over before and I’m too cautious now to do more than one night to start with a new guest! Plus I knew I’d be tired and maybe hanging a bit myself and didn’t want extended hosting duties.

42, definitely old enough to know better!
Has a decent job, too, and can afford to make her own arrangements.

Well done you. You should be proud of yourself. We all know or have known one of these "friends" that assume that we should simply accept all their shit. It does take courage to break the bond with them, but once it is done, it is for the better. In a few days you will feel much better. As for your conceited friend, fuck her!