DH hasn't come home

[NamechangedH]

DH went to a concert in a town 40 minutes away this evening. It would have finished about half 10 and he was driving back. I woke up about 40 minutes ago and he's not home. Messenger says he was last seen 2 hours ago and he's not answering his phone. When and who should I start calling? I'm so worried ☹️

@novocaine4thesoul that's a myth. Police find it easier to find people the sooner they are reported missing, as it's usually easier to trace their last whereabouts. 24 hours is a long time and you could end up in a few countries in that time. I always used to think that because of what they portray in TV shows and movies.

@Vistada Couldn’t agree more! I’ve been giggling away reading the conspiracy theory’s 🤣🤣

If I was the OP I would just stop responding to the ridiculous suggestions now.

I'm sitting here patiently waiting for someone to ask the OP if she possibly has early onset dementia.

I was wondering what’s going on, especially as the OP is quite contented with the outcome. MN is sometimes more gaslighting than any man could hope to be 😃

MN doesn't like happiness generally!

This is such a stretch

People on this site are determined to put the absolute worst spin on anything, even when it would actually take more mental gymnastics to make something look nefarious. It's one thing to not be naive and let someone spin you an obviously bullshit story (see the woman recently whose husband claimed to have needed a hotel because he was scared of noises in the house) , and quite another to be so paranoid that you see cheating and bad behaviour everywhere.

We live 40 minutes from Bristol. I always book a hotel if I'm going there for a gig and I have a drink....it's cheaper than the cost of getting a taxi home...it's really not as strange as you seem to think.

It's not the hotel that's the issue. As others have said, plenty of us get a hotel for a gig in another town so we can have a few beers and not have to drive in the dark. It's just odd as a couple not to have reminded the partner at home that they'd be gone overnight.

I usually get. cheap hotel after a gig. Can have a drink and no time pressures for getting the last train

I agree with this.
OP was left at home looking after their young children. Her DH should have made sure she knew his arrangements for the night. It really comes over that he has very little involvement in family life. At best totally unfair on OP and at worst is quite suspicious behaviour for someone supposed to be in a committed relationship.

So many people determined that he's definitely definitely cheating. So boring.

I can’t believe at no point in the week did the hotel/time he would be home/plans for the bank holiday not come up in conversation over dinner. We always talk about plans for the weekend in the week, even if its over messages/emails! As it was a bank holiday, its just odd to have zero communication about plans (and I dont agree with any of the comments about he’s cheating etc).

Well I'm not saying he is definitely cheating. He may or may not be. But as OP herself has said he behaves rather like a single man. Which implies like someone not in a committed relationship and therefore there is always the possibility that this extends to cheating.

It's the first, unfair on me. He's not a cheater, he's complacent and he takes advantage of the fact that I'm very easy going.
If there's a clash between social things for the two of us, he'll always cancel plans so I can do my thing, but that's because he does a lot more socially than I do at the moment. If I ask him to step up he does, but he doesn't think to do it voluntarily and I'm not yet great at telling him I need a break and that he needs to pull his weight more. I'm working on it.
In terms of family time, I'm often on my own with the kids all weekend because he's working so family time for me is me and the kids. It doesn't bother me if he's not there and I'm not big on discussing plans with him.

OP - it's not for you to justify your relationship on here and I'm sorry you feel you've had to because of a gaggle of highly insecure wives who can't possibly entertain that a husband's actions are non nefarious because, frankly, that's what they're used to.

I'm glad OP that your DH steps up when asked. I'm glad he prioritises your social needs when there is a clash.
You sound very self aware.
Probably very irritating for you having a load of strangers on Mumsnet analysing your marriage when they don't know you or your DH.
Best wishes.

@NamechangedH any update on DH?

It was resolved on page 2 that DH stayed the night at a hotel he had booked.

Sorry I missed that. Thanks

I'd never ever allow my DH to track me!

If you don't trust me then leave me.

End of.

These threads are usually 70% of posters hoping he's having an affair, 29% of posters hoping he's dead and a rare few hoping that it's a misunderstanding or something trivial. So there's disappointment all round when it turns out not to be a total catastrophe.

This is just so untrue.
Why would pp " hope" he was having an affair? And they would have to be seriously unhinged to " hope" he was dead.
I'm sure the majority of pp are concerned and sympathetic to the OP. They might have varying opinions on what has or is happening but I would hope the vast majority are not as unpleasant as to view her predicament in such a salacious or vindictive way.

'Dh hasn't come home' threads, invariably end with dh being absolutely fine, having put their wives through a heap of shit - but him 'taking advantage of you being laid back', is not great