To send DH and kids on holiday without me

[JacNoaIsa]

Every year DHs dad books and pays for this lovely large beachside house on the Isle of Wight for the may half-term, it’s the perfect size for the family, as DH and I have 2 boys and a girl and his sister has 3 girls.
DH loves these 5 days on the Isle of Wight it’s become his favourite tradition.
Here’s the issue …. I don’t enjoy it!! I find the week quite dull, it’s mainly the kids running around on the beach if the weather permits and board games. I like his sister and her DH but they are all a bit nauseatingly sweet, either they have the perfect life or they do a very good job at acting like they do!

Ive already booked time off for the trip but I’m thinking wouldn’t it be lovely if DH took the kids and had time with his family and I got a week at home, catching up on chores, maybe book a spa day and see some friends.
DH has said he won’t force me to go but is really upset that I want to bail as this is the only time his whole family are together (I mean we spend every new years with them and have his dad over every other Christmas and see him probably every other week but I get what he is saying!)

AIBU to really want the week off and just not go? I could I suppose go for the Wednesday/Thursday night and just miss Sunday-Tuesday, but honestly I’d love the whole week to myself!

No YANBU at all. We do something similar with DH’s family each year and DH is actually encouraging me not to come this year because I don’t enjoy it, and he loves it, and he’s happy to take the kids solo. I’m still swithering because I don’t want to miss out on a week of holiday with the kids but if you are not fussed about that then I’d definitely stand your ground and have a week at home.

I can see both your and DH's point tbh.

Could you give him a week to himself later in the year?

I'd also maybe promise to go next year, you could do a year on/year off with the family holiday.

I cannot imagine a life in which I did the same thing with the same people every single year. I can’t believe people do it. Why? Of course it gets boring! To me it lacks imagination!

I have never understood the appeal of it and I am fully supportive of you doing something else OP!

family holidays are an important part of family life, and take work to make them work. You need to be there for your kids. You need to work on making a nice holiday for them. It isn't always easy, but it is part of parenting

I don't think it's unreasonable of you but I can see both yours and your husband's point of view.

Would you kids mind if you didn't go? That's probably the important point.

If they mind, then go.

If they don't mind then maybe join them for the last couple of days. Tell DH you would really appreciate some time to yourself. It's not unreasonable, we all need a few days to ourselves every once in a while.

It's five days and important to your DH. I would just do it TBH.

But it depends on your wider relationship and how much time you expect him to spend with your family too

I disagree. Op's husband and the rest of the family will be there.
You don't need to sacrifice every day of your life to your children to be a good parent.
OP stay at home. Enjoy the peace and quiet. I'm sure everyone will have a great time without you and come home happy and full of stories of adventure.

I wouldn't do it and I do love my family. SO many kids would just frustrate the heck out of me. Actually I did something once and don't now. I don't want to make chit chat the entire week, sometimes just want to slob around and not offer to take turns doing things when I can do things at my convenience eg. I just want to make a snack and clean up after my 2 kids, not 4 more without feeling obligated to ask them. I just want to cook what we eat without having to ask everyone and cater to that, even if everyone is taking turns. I just want downtime with my own family after a few days without having to check with everyone what their plans are. These types of holidays are so suffocating to me. I don't blame you. It may be only 5 days, but it's your precious annual leave being wasted over something you feel obligated to do.

I think you need to consider what your kids will feel about you not going. Some kids would think it was a precursor to separation. I'd go. It's only a week, and I see your husband's point of view. It won't be forever. The kids will outgrow it eventually or your FIL won't be there. Think of what message you are sending to the family.

Not sure about what to make of this as I can see both sides, I totally get you want a week to yourself and that your husband wants to share the holiday with you. Your idea of half week sounds like a good compromise. But whatever you do this year I would insist on a family holiday of just you, your husband and children next year.

This could continue for a good 10 years, should op sit and suffer through it for that long?

DD looks back on those 'beach and board game' times as the best of her life. A chance to be fully there with your children is really important. I wouldn't want to go with the ILs but I would want to with my kids.

A week is a very long time with people who aren't immediate family, but you also can't maintain relationships without spending time with other people (and no, once a year isn't really enough). The half/ half sounds sensible.

It's not a family holiday is it tho, it's a ' his family ' holiday.

what other holidays do you do / have during the year ?

Beach and board games, oh the humanity!

Er.... no. Neither my husband nor I ever went on family holidays as a kid. None of my friends have done it with their kids. Everyone is fine. Nobody has missed out. I would find all those people way too claustrophobic and probably have murdered someone by day 3. Families don't need to be joined at the hip - I think it would be lovely for the OP have a nice, quiet solo week.

you never went on holiday as a kid?

I think it’s totally fine to not go.

He wants you there for selfish reasons - it’s highly likely the others wouldn’t really miss you in the slightest!

I'm in your club too, the boredom 😩

Could you go on a spa day on the iow?

Seeing someone twice a year isn't "joined at the hip".

Any you don't know what you've missed out on because you've never done it

I’d go but make sure I enjoyed it too. I’d take books, headphones, go for solitary walks, a day out alone if I wanted. But if you wouldn’t enjoy it, and your kids won’t miss you too much, don’t go.

Do you go on any other holidays in the year? If so, then sitting this one out seems reasonable to me. If not then it’s a shame I think to miss out on a break with your family. As you don’t enjoy them, can there be a compromise where you do one holiday Isle of Wight, the next year your choice, then his, yours, etc.?

Can you book a spa day while there? Maybe go with SIL if she would enjoy it or alone.

Not everyone has the privilege? I throughly enjoy being able to take my own kids on holiday now, as it’s something I never did as a child. My first holiday was when I was 24.