To send DH and kids on holiday without me

[JacNoaIsa]

Every year DHs dad books and pays for this lovely large beachside house on the Isle of Wight for the may half-term, it’s the perfect size for the family, as DH and I have 2 boys and a girl and his sister has 3 girls.
DH loves these 5 days on the Isle of Wight it’s become his favourite tradition.
Here’s the issue …. I don’t enjoy it!! I find the week quite dull, it’s mainly the kids running around on the beach if the weather permits and board games. I like his sister and her DH but they are all a bit nauseatingly sweet, either they have the perfect life or they do a very good job at acting like they do!

Ive already booked time off for the trip but I’m thinking wouldn’t it be lovely if DH took the kids and had time with his family and I got a week at home, catching up on chores, maybe book a spa day and see some friends.
DH has said he won’t force me to go but is really upset that I want to bail as this is the only time his whole family are together (I mean we spend every new years with them and have his dad over every other Christmas and see him probably every other week but I get what he is saying!)

AIBU to really want the week off and just not go? I could I suppose go for the Wednesday/Thursday night and just miss Sunday-Tuesday, but honestly I’d love the whole week to myself!

not even a weekend away camping? or a visit to grandparents?

Can you not go but spend a couple of days doing your own thing? What about suggesting taking turns to look after all the children and allow each couple a day alone together.

If its your only family
holiday of the year I would say go, and make it as nice as possible to yourself, but if not, def stay at home! It will be nice for your DH to be with his family, and you can catch up on your friendships and me time.

Not a thing. My gran on mum’s side was a raging, abusive alcoholic and gran on my dad’s side lived maybe five minutes away. We had generations all living in the same area. It probably wouldn’t have occurred to my parents to take us camping, but in any case my area growing up would not have been safe enough to camp, we had no car until I was 16 (my dad subsequently lost his licence for doing something stupid in the car during a mental health crisis when I was 18), and they could never have afforded camping gear. As an adult I know we could have jumped on a bus and found a local camping spot 30 minutes away, but getting the bus was something we just never did. Weekends and holidays were spent playing in the street with friends.

Just real life for some folks.

how many times have you been? If a lot and you’ve not enjoyed it YANBU to skip it this time.

Is it your only time away together as a family?

if you both work FT then do you have 5 days annual leave a to ‘spend’ on yourself alone?

DH and I don’t have enough annual leave to cover the school holidays so usually take a week or 10 days together in summer, and go away, some time at xmas then take separate leave. I wouldn’t be attending for a whole week with extended family as I’d prioritise the ‘main’ holiday and covering more of the DCs’ time off school.

I’d not ‘spend’ a fifth of my A/L on myself either.

For others in different circumstances that mightn’t be an issue, eg a SAHM, teacher or term time only contract.

How old are your children? They won't be wanting beach holidays and board games forever. I think you should go for the sake of spending time with your children and enjoy seeing them spend time with their cousins.

YANBU….i have waved my family off with their father every year to go skiing. Best week of the year for me !!

It’s a bloody pain in the arse to get to for a couple of days - depends if you need a car to get back home. Car ferry costs an absolute fortune. Would be different, I think, if it was just you and dh.
I’d stay home…

I couldn't imagine doing this. We go to visit my ILs overseas every year and I often find it dull, but my dcs would be devastated if I didn't go. And I'd be upset if my DH didn't want to come on a family holiday with me and the dcs. I just use it as a time to chill and catch up on reading and admin. If possible I'd try to encourage some interesting day trips for the kids - we've had some brilliant holidays on IoW.

Depends on dh's reason you go. Genuine family time or so you can be the main parent while he relaxes with his outer family.... How far to drive? Join them after that Very Important Appointment
....

Take a week off for something more exciting to you later in the year.

If you send the kids with DH, the SIL will end up as default mother regardless of how good a parent your DH is. This wouldn't be fair on her.

Are family holidays by a beach not supposed to be all about the kids having fun on the beach?

What exactly is your problem with BIL and SIL? They're nice people who have their act together as parents and adults?

What is going on under the surface that makes you feel ordinary family stuff is boring?

I can’t imagine having to go on holiday with the in-laws every year! Especially wasting that holiday time when you don’t enjoy it.

He must see it’s his family? So can’t really call it a ‘family holiday’ it’s a holiday with his family.

As long as you all go away as a family another time I think it sounds perfect if you stay at home this year. I would.

I’m somewhat baffled at all the responses saying your DH is selfish for wanting to put you through it!
It’s a holiday in a beach house and it’s sounding like you’re having to endure some horrendous week of purgatory.
Your children will be running around on the beach - why do you want to miss all that?
It’s your DHs favourite tradition - why can’t you support that?
Your FiL obviously gets a lot of pleasure taking you all - does this mean nothing to you?
Can you not go off for a massage, a walk, dinner with DH while you’re there?
Like I said, baffled! 😮

I’m with your husband on this one. This likely means a lot to him, your children and father-in-law who books and pays to spend time with his extended family.

You can always book yourself a week/end for pampering at some other time.

Well I find it bizarre that people think it’s fine to go on the same holiday with the in-laws every single year for a whole week. Everyone would like that? So a quarter or a third of your whole holiday allocation doing something you don’t really enjoy. Every single year?

He wants this to be a lovely family memory of time together so I can see why he'd be hurt at you bailing on it. I think yabu.

Don't go if you don't enjoy it!
Beeing stuck in a house by the beach for any length of time with 5 kids and in laws would be my holiday hell.
(However, if you are into nature/ hiking then go and plan a few tours... like oh tomorrow I am doing X it will be about 8 miles, I'll leave at 9am so we have late afternoon & evening together. Anyone care to join me? - That would be my sanity saver!)

My DH agree that I'll do the holiday thing with his family every other year and on the alternate year I stay home. Works for us.

I can see both sides.

Id likely make the decision based on my kids and what they'd rather. If they weren't fussed, I'd stay home. If they wanted me there, I'd go.

Hmm, I'd probably suck it up whilst the kids are little. Before you know it they are 16/17 and don't want to go away with you at all. Unless it's using up too much of your AL and you don't get as much time as you'd like for your own family.

My first thought was how lovely and generous of your FIL OP. Family is so important and these will likely be the holidays your children remember. We had similar in my family and this was such a huge part of my children’s childhood memories. Time will come soon enough when FIL is too old and your children teens who don’t want to play on the beach. You can have your spa days then. To be brutally honest, unless there is a massive drip feed coming, I think you sound really selfish.
I am surprised by the responses you have supporting you. I guess it’s because it’s “in laws”. If this was a female posters family and her DH wanted to play golf instead it would all be LTB🙄

Spending days around other people's family is hell, no matter how nice they are.

If you agree to go as a favour to your DH, I think he should return the favour by agreeing to you having a few days away by yourself or taking the kids away on another trip by himself.

Take the time for yourself. DC will have a brilliant time with DH and family. You will meet again after 5 days rejuvenated.

No - I wouldn’t expect my DH to come on holiday every year with my entire family. Every year is too much.

Does the OP ever go away with her family? Or is it his family that they spend every May half term, every Christmas and every New Year with?.. but yes that’s completely fair.