To not go to the family barbecue

[yesthatsmyactualname]

My sister and I had our eldest children within a month of each other. The kids have been brought up together and have always been close.
They went to different primary schools but are now attending the same secondary school.
My nephew is in with the cool kids a bit daft but generally a good kid. My dd is more studious, sensible and sensitive.
My dd has had a hard time with some girls at school. It started with name calling but then they were taking photos of her and sharing them. She has been pushed, kicked hair pulled. I would say that it has become bullying. The school have been involved. We have spoken to these girls parents. It did calm down when we threatened going to the police when it started becoming physical.
My nephew has become friends with these girls. This has broken the heart of my dd. They have always been close and she felt betrayed by him.
My sister is hosting our annual family barbecue tomorrow. That group of girls are invited as her son's friends. Dd doesn't want to go. I totally get it. I said to my sister we wouldn't manage to come.
She has figured out this is because of the girls. She said that I am being ridiculous to let teenage girls squabbles dictate. It has, in my opinion, gone beyond squabbling.
She is always so delighted that her son is in the cool gang and keeps suggesting that if these girls see my dd out with school they will realise she is nice not just a nerd.
I'm not subjecting my dd to that as she doesn't think she doesn't think she could relax with them around. AIBU or should we go and hope they see dd in a different light?

Your sister is an absolute arse for prioritising her son's friends over your daughter. Some teens, unfortunately, can't resist the lure of being in with the 'cool kids'. I suspect his hormones are playing a part too.

I'm with you 🙋
You are absolutely right not to let your dd be in the presence of her bullies.
You've shown dd that you have her back.
Your "d"sis should be absolutely ashamed of herself, I wouldn't speak to her ever again.

OP no experience of bullying buy i am the mum of an underconfidant nerd. You are doing a fab job supporting her and as I said to my dd at that age it's the quality of friends not the quantity that matters . It helpd her though high school untill she hit 6th form collage where she now has a great but small group of very quality friends, several whom have been where your daughter is. They are now happy and secure, where always believed and supported by parents. Stay strong.

Awesome little sis there! She’s got her back!

but yeah, don’t let her do that!
sounds like a lovely plan you have. You sound like a great mum with a lovely family.

YANBU, your sister is horrible and should be telling her son that his bullying friends will not be attending the bbq.

Bloody well done OP, you've got your daughters back.

Enjoy your day with her.

Hope the sausages give the little shits food poisoning!

Your sister sounds vile. I’d be telling her a few home truths in no uncertain terms.

Tell them to stick their BBQ and take your daughter on a much nicer day out instead.

I'd defo not go if my child was uncomfortable.

I'd say to your sister that your daughter is upset enough by them at school and doesn't want to be around people who treat her like that and you support this. End of. If she went to work and people treat her like that she'd certainly not be ok!

Yanbu! Your sister catering for her nieces tormentors on the hand is really unreasonable and would make me question our relationship going forward.

If your sister knows the details about exactly what happened, and that your DD was physically attacked by these girls then she is a grade A bitch.

I wouldnt be going, I would be distancing myself from her and I would be telling everyone who was going exactly what your sister has done - invite the girls who physically assaulted your dd and has chosen to make dd fearful of attending a family BBQ, which should be her safe space.

I would hope other family members would vote with their feet too.

Your sister is being unreasonable and unsupportive. Obviously it's going to be awful for your DD (has she been offered the opportunity to bring her own friends?) but it's also putting you in a really difficult position. How are you supposed to behave socially around these teenagers who have been so awful to your daughter?

Perhaps tell your sister you've had second thoughts... you will be coming. But you will be bringing a vat of orange soup and if you trip and it falls over the bullies, you hope she understands that accidents happen.

Good got you advocating for your dd. How awful of your sis to not have more compassion for her niece. Your nephew isn't great either why would he want to be friends with people who treat his cousin like that. But I get school is complicated.

Your sister is awful. She should love your daughter more then being desperate to have her son be "cool".

Maybe show your nasty, disloyal idiot of a sister this thread.