To not go to the family barbecue

[yesthatsmyactualname]

My sister and I had our eldest children within a month of each other. The kids have been brought up together and have always been close.
They went to different primary schools but are now attending the same secondary school.
My nephew is in with the cool kids a bit daft but generally a good kid. My dd is more studious, sensible and sensitive.
My dd has had a hard time with some girls at school. It started with name calling but then they were taking photos of her and sharing them. She has been pushed, kicked hair pulled. I would say that it has become bullying. The school have been involved. We have spoken to these girls parents. It did calm down when we threatened going to the police when it started becoming physical.
My nephew has become friends with these girls. This has broken the heart of my dd. They have always been close and she felt betrayed by him.
My sister is hosting our annual family barbecue tomorrow. That group of girls are invited as her son's friends. Dd doesn't want to go. I totally get it. I said to my sister we wouldn't manage to come.
She has figured out this is because of the girls. She said that I am being ridiculous to let teenage girls squabbles dictate. It has, in my opinion, gone beyond squabbling.
She is always so delighted that her son is in the cool gang and keeps suggesting that if these girls see my dd out with school they will realise she is nice not just a nerd.
I'm not subjecting my dd to that as she doesn't think she doesn't think she could relax with them around. AIBU or should we go and hope they see dd in a different light?

She is always so delighted that her son is in the cool gang

With respect your sister sounds like a fucking idiot that is reliving her teenage glory years through her son. I hope live improves for your DD soon and you both get to do something fun on the day of the BBQ.

Do other family members know the situation and are still attending?

And if your dd is being assaulted I would involve the police of school are not dealing with it...

Tough one.

Would be tempting to go and have strong words with the bullies.

If your dd has been assaulted then why hasn't the school taken action? You can report to the police if she's been kicked etc. taking photos or calling her a nerd isn't nice but a different league to the other bullying you put on here. If you report there will be action and pretty sure your sister will quickly change her tube, does she realise how serious it got?

If it was just calling her a nerd or whatever your sister may have more of a point, but it's way beyond that

YANBU. Don’t go.

Family and friends so usually us, her family, our brother and his family. My sister and I are in the same friendship group so 2 other friends and their kids. These children are much younger though. Mum and dad would normally be there too but they are away on holiday this mayday.
Dsis did say my dd could take a friend but I'm still saying no.

100% don’t go. There’s no way I would want to go anywhere near the children that had bullied my DD. Awful scenario.
Go do something lovely together.

I'd not be going over the just a need comment, what a nasty piece of work your sister is. No wonder her son is in with these girls.

*nerd not need

If your dd knows any rugby players can she take the whole team? That would change the vibe in dd's favour I imagine.

I think I might go on my own for 15 minutes just to confront these horrible girls on home turf, ask them what my DD had done to them and why they thought it was OK to physically assault someone as well as loudly show my disgust that my sister invited them knowing how they’d made her niece’s life hell before dramatically flouncing.

My nephew has been bullied at school and in absolutely no circumstances would I invite the bullies to my house for a bbq your sister is disgusting.

I'd tell my sister I'm not going and that if she cared about my daughter she'd uninvited their bullies. If your family don't want even stick by you who will.

Kids make mistakes? This was bullying, physical assault, which only stopped at the threat of the police being called. I don’t call that a kid “making a mistake”. That’s someone being a little shit, who will no doubt grow up to be a horrible adult. Because nice adults tend not to have been teenagers who physically assaulted their peers, and filmed their misery for amusement. Jesus Christ. The excuses.

OP, absolutely do not go to the BBQ, and be clear with your sister that you find it repugnant that the very people who made your dd’s life a misery have been invited into the one space she thought was safe, her home and family life.

it just wouldn’t happen in my family. We show loyalty to each other and stand against diabolical behaviour like bullying and assault.

This 💯

Definitely don’t make your sister go, her family should be a safe space and not somewhere where she is forced to hang out with her bullies. I can’t believe your sister is allowing them to come

Your sister is a thoughtless bitch.

Id have nothing to do with her if I was you it's verbal and physical bullying what doesn't she get definitely cause to go NC.

I am less concerned about the BBQ than the fact that your DD is going in to school every day to be abused. None of us would tolerate this at work.

The school needs a boot up the rear.

Honestly I don't think I could ever feel the same about my sister again. It wouldn't be a long deal to tell her son to leave his friends off the invite list seeing as did would be there.

I'd reply to your sister saying in your opinion it's more than teenage squabbles and your won't be subjecting your dd to that and you're disappointed she expects her niece to socialise with her bullies .

So would I. I'd hop along and read the bullies (and sister) the riot act in the strongest terms possible and microphone drop out of there.

Totally get why dd doesn't went to go

Has the bullying and it is bullying stopped ?

You said about the police but has it continued since then

Any chance these girls reliese what they have done and trying to make amends or they don't care

Your sister is a bitch. YANBU.

Ask her: if a group of women had attacked her in town, hurt her physically and mocked her and shared photos of her online, making her cry - how would she feel if you invited those very women to the family bbq, and pressurised her to be friendly with them?

Stupid, emotionally illiterate and nasty of her to do this. All she cares about is her son being ‘safe’ and in the cool group. Worthless behaviour.

Your dd is being bullied horribly. This is not a squabble and your sis downplaying this would be the end of our relationship frankly. Kids are scarred for life by bullying. Some are anxious and scared their whole lives, some with ptsd - it is really serious. How dare she promote her son’s popularity contest over her Nieces well-being and safety, I would be furious.