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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weekend away.

71 replies

Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 07:57

Bit of a back story I get on really well with my DP family, we see them regularly no issues. Also I have no issue with him doing thing's separately with his family.

My question is AIBU to be really quite pissed off and upset at this situation. We go away once a year for a weekend trip, his family and myself and my children, I tried to organise this again this year, me and his SIL met up for a drink and discussed it to which she said they weren't going to come this year because of money and so on.

I then find out that for my DP birthday she has booked for them to go away to the place I was trying to arrange for us. So she's paid for his and his kid's accommodation. Now it transpires that his whole family is going, and I've not even been invited. So my whole plan has been hijacked and I've been cut out of it.

OP posts:
Bettyscakes · 05/05/2024 08:02

And your dp is happy with this?

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:03

Also I have no issue with him doing thing's separately with his family.

Well you clearly do! Stay out of it.
It's not up to you to be organising weekends away with his family, that's overstepping.

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:04

Not particularly but feels his hands are tied as they have booked it for him. He's not overly impressed he has to foot the cost whilst there and not being asked beforehand.

But I don't think he wants to upset anyone. Either way I've made it clear to him I'm not happy about it all

OP posts:
BarrelOfOtters · 05/05/2024 08:05

That’s odd.

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:06

I actually don't, they have been on holidays etc and I've no issues. It was a joint agreement we would all be going, I was just the one trying to organise it. Not over stepping in our relationships at all. Maybe for your family but we are all very close

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 05/05/2024 08:06

His hands are not tied.

Any decent partner would realise that this is a time he has to show he will not allow his partner to be treated this way.

Dearg · 05/05/2024 08:07

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/05/2024 08:06

His hands are not tied.

Any decent partner would realise that this is a time he has to show he will not allow his partner to be treated this way.

Totally agree. Thats pretty shitty of them but he is the one who needs to sort it out.

JacquesHarlow · 05/05/2024 08:08

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:03

Also I have no issue with him doing thing's separately with his family.

Well you clearly do! Stay out of it.
It's not up to you to be organising weekends away with his family, that's overstepping.

This is an extraordinary response @ZekeZeke but it’s also very typical of Mumsnet, where if you can verbally wound an OP who is clearly upset, then do it !

look - OP has made it very clear that the tradition is to have all of them there . This year they’ve lied to her essentially by saying they can’t afford it, and then they’ve taken over the tradition and very pointedly excluded her.

I’d personally want to know why.

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:09

I'm just annoyed at the whole situation. If it wasn't something we usually do every year it wouldn't bother me. But i just think its rude to say you're not going then to book it. I guess it's because I wouldn't treat others in the family like it.

OP posts:
Farmwifefarmlife · 05/05/2024 08:12

How long have you been together? I think it’s pretty mean and underhanded to be honest especially as you’d already tried to arrange something. I don’t see why they wouldn’t ask you?

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2024 08:12

That is really weird. I think it might be a deal breaker if your dp didnt call and book you in too. Who wants a family birthday weekend without their partner? And it’s pretty mean of the sil, I wouldn’t be treating her like a friend anytime soon.

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:12

He's going away this year with his brother and kid's abroad, I honestly don't care. They go out on day's out, again I don't care.

I'd love to know why also, as I said all get on fine, we were over for birthdays this week. So I have no idea. Either way it leaves a sour taste

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:14

Been together 5 year's so a while. No that's how I feel, I think I'll be taking a big step back now. And I thought maybe DP would be a bit more vocal about it all too.

OP posts:
Animalnitrates · 05/05/2024 08:14

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:03

Also I have no issue with him doing thing's separately with his family.

Well you clearly do! Stay out of it.
It's not up to you to be organising weekends away with his family, that's overstepping.

Weird take? I organise things for my wider family all the time, we go away as a big group semi regularly - what’s wrong with that?

CommentNow · 05/05/2024 08:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:17

JacquesHarlow · 05/05/2024 08:08

This is an extraordinary response @ZekeZeke but it’s also very typical of Mumsnet, where if you can verbally wound an OP who is clearly upset, then do it !

look - OP has made it very clear that the tradition is to have all of them there . This year they’ve lied to her essentially by saying they can’t afford it, and then they’ve taken over the tradition and very pointedly excluded her.

I’d personally want to know why.

Show quote history

Lord!
We have no idea how long they are together.
The OP has children. She isn't married to her partner.
Maybe they don't see the OP as family maybe the last trip the OP dis something annoying. Who knows?
Maybe the OP should just ask the sister outright rather than strangers on the Internet who might verbally wound her.

BarrelOfOtters · 05/05/2024 08:19

So you and your kids have been excluded and he’s taking his kids.

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:19

Animalnitrates · 05/05/2024 08:14

Weird take? I organise things for my wider family all the time, we go away as a big group semi regularly - what’s wrong with that?

Show quote history

We don't know how long they are together.
Maybe the OP overstepped in the past.
They don't have children together. May e they just want a *family trip without OP and her kids, who knows? We certainly don't!

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:23

Nope not overstepped, last we went away was October and we've seen each other plenty, she will ask to meet up just me and her, since it's been booked she's invited us over. So as far as I'm aware no issue from her part.

No we're not married and we've Actively chosen not to have children together. I didn't realise this made such a difference to being seen as Family? We've been together 5 year's so I'm not exactly a fresh face.

I'm going to look at doing something with my two.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 05/05/2024 08:24

Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:23

Nope not overstepped, last we went away was October and we've seen each other plenty, she will ask to meet up just me and her, since it's been booked she's invited us over. So as far as I'm aware no issue from her part.

No we're not married and we've Actively chosen not to have children together. I didn't realise this made such a difference to being seen as Family? We've been together 5 year's so I'm not exactly a fresh face.

I'm going to look at doing something with my two.

Just ask her why you haven't been invited? Or ask your partner to ask her?

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:25

I was more questioning if I had the right to be annoyed, I've not intentions of messaging her and causing a blow up about it. But equally I'll be more reserved in the future.

OP posts:
DrJoanAllenby · 05/05/2024 08:27

Are you sure you've been excluded and it's not a misunderstanding that you and kids are assumed to be coming but the sister in law isn't going to pay for you and you have to pay for yourself and children?

I can understand that she might only want to pay for her brother and his children.

Original poster
Notsoflirtythirty · 05/05/2024 08:30

Oh I would never expect her to pay for us. I've always paid for myself. I don't think so as that's not the impression I got from my DP when speaking to him about it. Usually he will say that we're all invited or she will message directly.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 05/05/2024 08:31

The way I'm reading it is:

You suggested organising a weekend away to Pine Trees resort with your dh's family. Sil says not this year, can't afford it.
Sil then books Pine Trees resort with the family, all the same people you wanted to include, but doesn't invite you.
So it's the same thing only minus you.
Is that correct?

Nottherealslimshady · 05/05/2024 08:32

They've actually gone to effort to exclude you. I'd be asking what you've done to offend them so much as clearly they don't want you there.

In DPs shoes. If my partner had suggested a family trip to a member of my family. And they'd gone behind his back and planned it but excluded him. Even if it hadn't been his suggestion in the first place. If my family had excluded him from my birthday celebrations or any trip. I simply wouldn't go. I would be so embarrassed of my families behaviour and so angry at being expected to leave my partner home while going out with them. I just wouldn't go.

We can do things separately. I suggest him booking trips with his friends or brothers/dad. But family do not decide for you that your partner isn't welcome on a trip.

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