To think parents encourage SOME little girls to be

[Welovecrumpets]

…quite anxious, needy and delicate?

I have children of both sexes, so have been on quite a few play dates with parents who have boys and girls. I’ve noticed that in the same way some parents dismiss their sons’ unacceptable behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’, some of the parents almost encourage their little girls to be ‘delicate’ in a way they don’t with their sons.

They rush to make a huge fuss of them if they fall over (even if the daughter seems absolutely fine), they always ask ‘awww are you ok?’ if they look anything less than totally happy, they carry them around for far longer than they did their sons, and generally seem to teach them that if they act in an anxious or delicate way they will be rewarded with cuddles and attention. By comparison the boys are brushed off and are encouraged to ‘get back out there and play’. The girls then seem to get trapped in a cycle of being a bit sullen and unhappy as they know it will be met with concern and protectiveness.

I know MN hates are stereotype so please note I said ‘some’, I know it isn’t all or even most. It’s just something I’ve noticed recently and thought it would be interesting to discuss as normally we just talk about preferential treatment of boys.

Not really, I see parents being overly precious of kids of both sexes tbh.

And more usually hear "kids will be kids" to excuse bad behaviour than "boys will be boys"

I do however think more girls are encouraged to "be kind" and play more stereotypical caring roles. Alongside clothes that are pink, sparkly and more fitted than their male counterparts

I agree parents are over precious about girls and boys.
however I absolutely bring my daughter up differently to my son. both are taught to be kind and caring.

I teach her to be lady like and gentle.

What does "lady like" mean? Don't you teach your son to be gentle too?

I haven’t noticed it myself. On my circle we all equally try not to make a fuss of bumps and falls as they take their cues from us

Sorry that was a curious response to @misszebra

In the same way that some parents encourage their boys to be little thugs, yes I’m sure some parents encourage little princess tendencies in their girls.

I really hate the term "lady like"

There's polite, careful, courteous, well mannered etc, all of which men should be as much as women. I can't think of a single behaviour "lady like" reasonably covers that I need to teach my daughter and not my son.

To me its reminscent of my mother telling me women shouldn't drink from pint glasses etc.

It is known that girls and boys are socialised differently, what you say is backed up by research.

What does 'ladylike' mean, please? In a 2024 context, obviously I understand the Victorian version.

I think it’s the opposite- the toddler boys are far more coddled by their mums.

Any of the little girls I know are as tough as old boots. I find mums at play groups or whatever tend to hover more over their sons, not sure why.

I remember reading that pregnant women use different tones of voice to talk to their bump depending on whether it's a boy or a girl (if they know the sex obviously!). Gendered socialisation starts very young.

I have always taught my boys to be gentle though, never used the phrase boys will be boys and one of my sons had a play baby and pram and kitchen that he loved. We did our best not to play into stereotypes but I'm sure we're all affected by societal expectations in all sorts of ways.

Also very interested to know what 'ladylike' is and how or why we should teach our girls to be it?

Good one 😂😂😂

I think this happens to some boys and girls.

When DD was little most of this came from some parents of boys.

"Careful darling she's delicate,like a flower."
"Oh you can't play with her like you do with x, she's a girl."
"Oh , she won't want to play football, do this instead."

I actually snorted at that. Kid started climbing before she could even walk and still plays football at secondary. We also cut down on playdates at their house. I didn't want DD hearing (any more)stupid shite like that.

A group of 10 of my son's class (Reception) went to an activity after school yesterday. It was an even split between boys and girls but the girls were absolutely feral. The boys were all sat quietly listening and following instructions while the girls wound each either up, hit each other with balloons etc. It was fascinating to watch!

They’ve done studies to show that people rush over to little girls faster than boys when they fall over. Disclaimer: heard that when my kids were little, no idea if it’s true. It does chime with what I used to see in the playground though.

There’s a fascinating video where babies were dressed in blue and pink then recorded interactions with adult carers.

Same baby dressed in blue v pink was treated differently.

Lady like? really?

"Lady like and gentle."

Share, don't raise your voice, don't swear, help others, don't fight, don't argue and smile.

Just be nice.

It's upbringing like this that lead me into a heart attack and suicidal depression at fifty years of age.

Leads to people pleasing tendencies and a whole host of other issues.

Four months of cognitive behaviour therapy, I've had to go through to be taught how to be assertive and stop blaming myself for everybody else's choices and behaviours.

Sod, lady like.

I work with age 3 to 5 and definitely there is a delicate type of girl. Usually 2 or 3 every year of about 12 girls. These types fuss about their clothes, dont like playing with boys (even gentle ones) and don't like being dirty. They usually are dressed beautifully with nice hair and talk about getting nails painted and getting make up sets for gifts. I genuinely don't know if this type is created or innate. I think they are naturally that way inclined but if they are indulged they become more that way. They are usually very quiet well behaved kids and the mothers are very well presented.

In my opinion it's the other way around. There were a lot of mummy's boys at playgroups and nursery. Even primary. I'll always remember this mum nuzzling and snuggling her tweenage boy on the tube in front of everyone. I'm not sure how he didn't tell her to get off mum!! .

I was bought up to be lady like, as were my sisters, cousins. we all are very happy adults.

What does 'lady like' mean? Particularly in relation to a child?

What behaviour is 'lady like' and in your opinion therefore important to encourage in a female child and not a male child?

Genuinely curious as I haven't heard someone use that turn of phrase from someone under 70 or so but it sounds like you have children you're raising now so are presumably much younger.

But what qualities specifically are 'lady like' and more important for girls to have than boys?