To think parents encourage SOME little girls to be

[Welovecrumpets]

…quite anxious, needy and delicate?

I have children of both sexes, so have been on quite a few play dates with parents who have boys and girls. I’ve noticed that in the same way some parents dismiss their sons’ unacceptable behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’, some of the parents almost encourage their little girls to be ‘delicate’ in a way they don’t with their sons.

They rush to make a huge fuss of them if they fall over (even if the daughter seems absolutely fine), they always ask ‘awww are you ok?’ if they look anything less than totally happy, they carry them around for far longer than they did their sons, and generally seem to teach them that if they act in an anxious or delicate way they will be rewarded with cuddles and attention. By comparison the boys are brushed off and are encouraged to ‘get back out there and play’. The girls then seem to get trapped in a cycle of being a bit sullen and unhappy as they know it will be met with concern and protectiveness.

I know MN hates are stereotype so please note I said ‘some’, I know it isn’t all or even most. It’s just something I’ve noticed recently and thought it would be interesting to discuss as normally we just talk about preferential treatment of boys.

My son is both gorgeous and huge, and hyperactive. The girls from antenatal are generally sat prettily on their mum's knees whilst he's trying to grab the cutlery and eat the menu.

MIL says that boys are like that. But my GMIL says that my MIL was hyperactive, and I was too as a little girl! He has a double dose of mental genes.

We get a LOT of gendered comments from the ILs about him.

yup I was going to post about this.

I definitely noticed some gender biases in my parenting, that gave me pause at times. But on this specific issue, my dd was a tough little nut who brushed herself off and got on with it. Ds needed a little help to process the big emotions. So I was more aware of the “you’re so brave for not crying” shite that gets thrown at boys.

We have boy/girl twins so we come into contact with lots of boys / girls the same age - and I have never seen what you described.

There is, however, this massive difference in energy at mostly boys / mostly girls parties - at our son's parties the boys would run around screaming and trying to kill each other, while at my daughters parties the girls would be placidly chatting and giggling.

I think an older style of parenting - yes. But then again I’m around parents that push their children to be vocal and confident regardless of their sex - and that seems to triumph “being gentle and lady like” or being tough if you are a boy.

These days parents want their children to be “successful” and to do well in school and that seems to have replaced the previous thinking of being girly or being boyish. Again I think this is some parents and this might just be a reflection of the parents I’m around

Oh no my girls are more like boys to be honest.

Of course boys are socialised differently to girls.

You can read decades of research into it- or you could just look around at the difference in behaviour and attitude of women compared to men, and the societal expectations of each sex and see it’s obviously true.

Women are not born with the desire to take on the mental load of family life, to earn less than men, to ‘be kind’ and concerned about people’s feelings, to shave their legs and wear makeup- any more than men are born to expect their female partners to do all these things- it is learned behaviour on both sides.

Which is why it can and does (very slowly) change over time.

This is an odd post considering this is quite a well known phenomenon.

It’s like me posting a thread titled ‘AIBU to think that men might commit more crime than women’