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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be able to go out without 3 month old

74 replies

Blackfluffycats · 04/05/2024 13:56

I have a 3 month old and a toddler. My friends have arranged an outing on bank holiday Monday which will mean I will be out all day (from early morning to early evening) I committed to it before my baby was born and my DH was aware.

I would like to go without my baby who I would like to leave at home with DH. Baby is EBF but happily takes a bottle. I have also arranged for DHs mum to stay and help with the two children all day.

although DH has agreed to this he has made a comment about how I shouldn’t have committed to something like this knowing I had a 3 month old baby. I am now not sure whether I am being unreasonable to want a day out without the children? Right now I feel like I am constantly needed by my baby, toddler and DH and would love to do something for me!

AIBU?

OP posts:
WeightoftheWorld · 04/05/2024 13:58

I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable but personally this is not something I would have done nor wanted to do when I had a 3 month old. And DC1 was formula fed by then too. But that doesn't make you unreasonable for wanting to do it.

SpringerFall · 04/05/2024 13:59

On here people need to be attached to their baby 24/7 or the world will end, I and my husband still managed to do things for ourselves while we had a newborn

It made us well rounded people

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/05/2024 13:59

He’s agreed to it so remind him he is also a parent and it’s not as if you’re doing this often, is it?

Cherrysoup · 04/05/2024 13:59

So your mil and Dh will be home? He’s being pathetic, can he not parent his own child? Was he this useless with the first? My only concern is your welfare: will you be uncomfortable if you don’t feed baby all day, physically, I mean? I know people were leaking when they were ebf and came out without the baby.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/05/2024 13:59

He will even get the help of his mummy so I'm sure they will cope.

EG94 · 04/05/2024 14:02

His mum has to come to help him watch HIS kids. Fuck me over bet you do it all the time on your own! Go out and have a great time. I guess he goes out alone but that’s ok because he doesn’t have tits 🙄

Grumpynan · 04/05/2024 14:04

You’re not being unreasonable. Having been there done that, I can understand what you’re saying, and yes go out and enjoy yourself. The children and you DH will benefit from a refreshed mum.

i have to just say though, the odd time I managed to escape for a few hours, I never enjoyed it as much as I thought I would, could never completely switch off from being mum, but that’s probably just me, my Sil could never understand me 😂😂

AhNowTed · 04/05/2024 14:04

Man has to parent his own children shocker!

Teacherbee85 · 04/05/2024 14:04

Could you cope with your toddler and baby all day without him, with another adult present?

No-one would ever ask you that question.

Point that out to him - he needs to get a grip. Enjoy yourself OP!

Original poster
Blackfluffycats · 04/05/2024 14:05

Cherrysoup · 04/05/2024 13:59

So your mil and Dh will be home? He’s being pathetic, can he not parent his own child? Was he this useless with the first? My only concern is your welfare: will you be uncomfortable if you don’t feed baby all day, physically, I mean? I know people were leaking when they were ebf and came out without the baby.

DH really isn’t useless! He was happy to have them both by himself but I arranged for his mum to come to help out to make it easier.

I have a breast pump so will be able to pump :)

I think I’m just wondering whether I should be leaving my baby and whether there’s something wrong with me for wanting to! As a previous poster said they wouldn’t want to leave their 3 month old all day.

OP posts:
Teacherbee85 · 04/05/2024 14:06

Blackfluffycats · 04/05/2024 14:05

DH really isn’t useless! He was happy to have them both by himself but I arranged for his mum to come to help out to make it easier.

I have a breast pump so will be able to pump :)

I think I’m just wondering whether I should be leaving my baby and whether there’s something wrong with me for wanting to! As a previous poster said they wouldn’t want to leave their 3 month old all day.

Show quote history

I regularly left my baby from about a month old to socialise with friends regularly. So did my DH.

No issue.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/05/2024 14:07

Some people wouldn't leave their 3 month old but it's up to you. It's for one day and will be with the other parent.

Cherrysoup · 04/05/2024 14:07

Blackfluffycats · 04/05/2024 14:05

DH really isn’t useless! He was happy to have them both by himself but I arranged for his mum to come to help out to make it easier.

I have a breast pump so will be able to pump :)

I think I’m just wondering whether I should be leaving my baby and whether there’s something wrong with me for wanting to! As a previous poster said they wouldn’t want to leave their 3 month old all day.

Show quote history

Of course it’s fine to go out, bloody hell, it’s a day, you aren’t supposed to be attached 24/7 (unless you’re really keen!). You have the right to be independent and without your children sometimes. I’m appalled at your Dh even mentioning that he’s thinking you shouldn’t have committed to going out, that’s idiotic of him. Is he ever out?

springtome · 04/05/2024 14:08

Does your DH ever go out for a full day? If so then he has no right to say you shouldn't. He is as much of a parent as you.

That said, at 3 months with a EBF baby, I wouldn't want to go out for that long without them. With DC2 I couldn't as they wouldn't take a bottle. I tried once to go to a concert and she was a nightmare for DH and FIL!

But if you want to do it then you absolutely should do it.

Beezknees · 04/05/2024 14:08

Everyone is different. I didn't want to leave mine at 3 months old, many mums are happy to do so, neither is wrong. It's down to you as an individual to do what you are comfortable with! Go and have a good time.

WaitingForMojo · 04/05/2024 14:09

I wouldn’t have been able to leave my breastfed babies at all at 3 months, let alone a full day. But if yours takes a bottle and isn’t distressed, and you want to, that’s fine? Is it that dh doesn’t want to look after the baby, or that he doesn’t think baby will be ok without a boob?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/05/2024 14:10

WaitingForMojo · 04/05/2024 14:09

I wouldn’t have been able to leave my breastfed babies at all at 3 months, let alone a full day. But if yours takes a bottle and isn’t distressed, and you want to, that’s fine? Is it that dh doesn’t want to look after the baby, or that he doesn’t think baby will be ok without a boob?

Well OP says baby will take from a bottle so it doesn't really matter what he thinks about that. Sounds like a cop out to make her feel bad for still wanting to go.

Giraffesandbottoms · 04/05/2024 14:11

Cherrysoup · 04/05/2024 14:07

Of course it’s fine to go out, bloody hell, it’s a day, you aren’t supposed to be attached 24/7 (unless you’re really keen!). You have the right to be independent and without your children sometimes. I’m appalled at your Dh even mentioning that he’s thinking you shouldn’t have committed to going out, that’s idiotic of him. Is he ever out?

Show quote history

Excuse me, who says you aren’t “supposed to”?! I actually think at 3 months “the 4th trimester” you very much are “supposed to”. But it’s totally fine if you don’t want to.

your husband needs to man up. I didn’t want to leave my 3 month old and probably would not have enjoyed at all for that length of time but if you think you will then 100% do it, or at least do it and come back if you’ve had enough/miss baby.

your husband should not make you feel bad.

WaitingForMojo · 04/05/2024 14:12

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/05/2024 14:10

Well OP says baby will take from a bottle so it doesn't really matter what he thinks about that. Sounds like a cop out to make her feel bad for still wanting to go.

Show quote history

Not really? Breastfeeding is more than food, it’s comfort and safety? It should definitely be about baby’s needs though and not the DH’s!

WaltzingWaters · 04/05/2024 14:12

Would it be unreasonable for him to have a day out without the kids? No. Seeing as you said your baby happily takes a bottle it’s not unreasonable for you to. Go enjoy yourself.

BibbleandSqwauk · 04/05/2024 14:14

It's completely fine and I don't really understand why you arranged for his mum to come over. If he's agreed to do it, it's up to him to (pathetically) decide he can't cope. A couple of dads I know would be pretty annoyed at the assumption they need help to parent their own kids for one day.

Elieza · 04/05/2024 14:15

I think you need to go out more and get Me Time so it's not such a big deal tbh!

Sounds like daddy hasn't had as much experience of watching his kids as he needs tbh. Practice makes perfect!

The first time though I'd not go away all day. A half day. But whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.

Can you go out for a half day today or tomorrow and leave DH with the baby for a practice run?

Take the toddler out to the park or whatever for a bit? A trial run!

Notimeforaname · 04/05/2024 14:15

But why does it have to be arranged so that its "easier" for their dad to look after them? Does he arrange your mother to come when you are due to be alone with the children?

Original poster
Blackfluffycats · 04/05/2024 14:16

DH doesn’t really go out to be honest. The only time he’s left us is when he has to travel for work he hasn’t been out socialising. He really isn’t an arse!

I know baby will be ok because I have left him with DH for a couple of hours while I’ve had my hair done etc and they’ve both been fine so baby isn’t going to be distressed! He hasn’t had them both together before though.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/05/2024 14:17

He hasn’t had them both together before though.

Can he not be trusted to?