Should I be able to go out without 3 month old

[Blackfluffycats]

I have a 3 month old and a toddler. My friends have arranged an outing on bank holiday Monday which will mean I will be out all day (from early morning to early evening) I committed to it before my baby was born and my DH was aware.

I would like to go without my baby who I would like to leave at home with DH. Baby is EBF but happily takes a bottle. I have also arranged for DHs mum to stay and help with the two children all day.

although DH has agreed to this he has made a comment about how I shouldn’t have committed to something like this knowing I had a 3 month old baby. I am now not sure whether I am being unreasonable to want a day out without the children? Right now I feel like I am constantly needed by my baby, toddler and DH and would love to do something for me!

AIBU?

He’s actually going away for a week with work soon.

I'd ask what support he's arranged for you for a WEEK.

He is a parent just as much as you. If he went out, would he organise help for you?

My youngest is 8 months old now but when she was 12 weeks I left my partner at home with her and our eldest (2) to go to a concert 2 hours away. They were perfectly fine because he knows how to look after his children just like I do and we both respect that we can have time away too. He’s going 5 hours away for 2 nights in a few months and I will have the children alone.

If you want to go OP, then go! The baby is 3 months old, not 3 days old. Don’t let any of these “personally I wouldn’t leave my baby” comments cloud your judgement.

You deserve time to relax and be you. The children will be absolutely fine, especially since grandma has been drafted in to help.

Totally fine. As long as you can pump so your boobs don't explode (I can still remember the agony) I don't see his issue

Can I ask why you think it’s ambitious?

I will have expressed all milk for the baby (already have one bottle in the freezer!) and take my pump with me to relieve my boobs

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Whilst you say he’s a good DH/dad he shouldn’t be guilt tripping you for having some you time, he should be supporting this.
I went out with friends for a full day/evening when my twins were 3 months old, I felt zero guilt and they were more than fine with my DH (who also brought in family to help for the day as it was his first time having them both for the full day alone).

Just to add to the above, I also BF and expressed for the day- no issues as I also did pumped later in the day.

If you are happy; that’s all that matters. You shouldn’t “have” to feel guilty or not want to. Baby is with their other parent. If other people wouldn’t leave their babies, that’s also fine, but don’t make that question your decision

Typically it surprises me how some commenters are so wrapped up in their world.

Of course it's fine to go out OP. I would invite you to consider that in other countries like the US, Mums get 6 weeks as standard maternity leave (likely unpaid too) and then they are back to work full time. Commuting, the lot! Spain is 3 months...

Anyone saying they wouldn't have left their 3 month old is quite sheltered. I know someone who left their 6 week old DS and 18 month DD with her parents to go abroad and be a bridesmaid.

I left my 3 week old for 5 hours to go to a wedding of my very good friend, it was local so I just travelled there, stayed 4 hours and came back. DS barely woke up apparently, one feed and change... people were up in arms about it but why? My husband went back to work at 2 weeks and I can't pop out for 5 hours? World is mad.

Yanbu. Your children have a mum and dad, god forbid both parties actually parent.

On the fence here because taking one bottle doesn't mean they'll be ok for a full day, and you're probably risking mastitis or at the very least being extremely uncomfortable - do you have a plan to pump/hand express if necessary?

On the fence here because taking one bottle doesn't mean they'll be ok for a full day, and you're probably risking mastitis or at the very least being extremely uncomfortable - do you have a plan to pump/hand express if necessary?

She's already said she's taking her pump with her.

OP I was fine with my pump. It was just a bit of a faff but worked well at relieving discomfort.

And my bf baby was fine with bottles too

If the baby takes a bottle there is zero reason you cannot go out all day and even away for a night.

I wouldn't have left my dcs at that age. I still got to do lots of things I enjoyed, just took them with me. DH was still on paternity leave at that age too and he never left the baby either, we would spend the whole time together in our bubble.

It's a shitty thing to say because it's designed to make you feel guilty and it has.

There's no reason you can't enjoy a day to yourself. Your dh leaves the baby most days and the baby is fine.

Of course you should go out, your husband should be able to manage . He also has help , it'll do you the world of good to get out

Personally, I've never fancied it at 3 months. Just didn't really want to be apart from my baby (each time they were, of course, the most gorgeous baby that ever lived!). But did attend a childfree wedding wjth DH when DC4 was 4 months - my mum came with us and walked the baby round in the pram and send me a text message if baby fancied a feed. But if youre happy being apart from baby I can't see a problem -baby will be cared for by loving family. There'll be one adult per child, shouldn't be a difficult day.

My now 10 month old was left with his dad for an afternoon/evening at 3 month. While I went out and had an afternoon with a friend who was also a new mum. I was itching to get home because I missed my boy. But I still had a blast. Relax, get out. Enjoy yourself!

But he isn't, OP has arranged for his Mummy to come round and help. I wonder if he arranged help for OP when he went back to work. This is why men act like children, because their wives treat them as such.

And our children!

I've suggested my wife goes out for the day while I look after our 5 week old.

She's taken me up on the offer once (she was out for maybe 7 hours), and I hope she does again in the future. Her being cooped up indoors all the time is not good for anyone.

You are not unreasonable to spend the day out.

Maybe I lack the Mummy gene but I was definitely happy to go out and have a life without my babies. They are all very happy adults and we have a healthy ,happy relationship . Just go OP and enjoy being you rather than a Mum for a few hours.X

I have a toddler and 3mo EBF baby too. I have been away for a morning without them. I have been away for the whole day taking only baby with me. Personally so far whilst baby is so portable and non mobile it has been easier to take baby than it is to mess about pumping for me. I exclusively pumped with my first and I don't want to experience that again, of going to the loo to put a pump in, walking in a silly way to avoid spills, checking constantly it's still in the correct position. I think now that I know the morning without me went well though, I'd be happy to do a whole day.
I think PP saying ambitious means that sometimes EBF babies that young just don't settle without boob. You know yours best obviously. I know that mine is usually fine in the morning to nap in the sling or pram but as the day wears on is unlikely to go to sleep without boob, especially her last nap of the day.

I went back to work full time when DS was 3 months and plan to do the same this time too.

Of course it’s fine to leave your baby with their other parent.