To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

@sheoaouhra

you obviously have lots of money”

and there we have it! Jealous hun?

@Janiie

you know why op can’t make the class any other time

she doesn’t make up the timetable at the gym

Oh and since when was a gym class extravagant”?!

you even ever been to a gym class? @sheoaouhra

I am not jealous, no. I never needed a personal trainer, as I am perfectly capable of sorting out my own exercise routine. However the Op has stated that she isn't capable, and clearly has the money for family membership to DL, as well as eating in their cafe - that money could be directed towards a personal trainer instead and the whole problem is solved

But she can lie in till 9 while father and brother are at home and then 15 minutes later, mum will be back from gym.
I don't understand why such accomodation will cause DD behavioural issues.
There are plenty of people in Asia who grew up waking up early and never had behaviour issues. And here the girl has choice to lie in till whatever time she likes on the Saturday.

Not in a David Lloyd gym! Thats over £100 a month! no, I wouldn't waste the money. I've been to cheaper gyms occasionally, but certainly not when I would have had to deny one of my children their weekend morning downtime

As a non car owner I would agree that better public transport and less vehicles on the road would be better for the human race but that is a whole different issue and not the point here.

The overwhelming majority of posters agree with the OP - it's simply that they're replying once. It's just a couple who want to have the last word and replying constantly.

I couldn't afford a DL membership but think it's a good choice on the part of people who can - much better to spend money on things that promote health and fitness than fast fashion, gadgets or whatever.

Or of course, rather than get up at a perfectly normal time, or suffer from stark terror for 15 whole minutes, she could choose to be bored stiff watching her brother play football instead.

There is no reason why any ordinary child of 11 should be 'very frightened' to be left on her own for a few minutes. Slightly uneasy because she isn't used to it yes, but not scared out of her wits. She has chosen not to be left alone, and that is fine. The other two options are that she goes with mum to the gym or she goes to football with her dad and brother.

She's not a baby, she's not a toddler, she's not a young child. In less than 2 years she will be a teenager ffs.

You do all realise that until as recently as the 1920's, it was legal for girls to be married at 12?

you do realise that for almost the entire of human history a girl of this age left alone would have been at risk of being eaten? Entirely normal, rational, innate fear. How is sneering at it going to help? Lost of children are afraid of being left alone at home - the fear wears off, but no one has any say in exactly what age that will happen

@sheoaouhra

what is your exercise routine?

Gyms have classes all day every day! You go when it suits not when it causes all this drama. Husband catches buses for reasons unknown, dd forced to go, grandad not happy etc etc

Must be a very special kinda class its on one day only at 7.30am 🤣

Blimey I wonder how other things are organised in this household.

'You do all realise that until as recently as the 1920's, it was legal for girls to be married at 12?'

Oh yes op you must request classics for corkers like this .

Why are you bringing people in Asia into this?!

NRTFT but I came to say that I personally think it’s important for children to understand that everyone in the family is important and not just them. She had options, she has her hobbies, her brother has his. I think it’s really good for children to see that parents/adults/other human beings also are allowed to do things that they enjoy, especially so when it’s healthy and setting a good example about staying fit and healthy. My kids are much younger and already know that we do lots for them but sometimes we do things that are for mum and dad and they have to get on with it.

Now you are arguing for the sake of arguing.

The subtext of some of the critics is that women - mothers - have to suspend their self-care until their children are independent.

But we can't suspend health and fitness for 15 years or so. Obesity and diabetes are major social challenges. Women also have to pay attention to bone density. Going to the gym is the most efficient way of keeping yourself well-maintained.

It often falls to female children - who would be the DD in this case - to provide care to parents who didn't look after themselves well when they were in a position to do so. Fitness helps protect against a huge range of age-related diseases, including dementia.

'There are plenty of people in Asia who grew up waking up early and never had behaviour issues'

Oh yes how very relevant. Up there with the previous girls got married at 12 a few decades ago post. Did they go down the mines too?

The Grandad thinks it's not a good plan. Can we at least agree that Grandad may know the family dynamics a teensy bit more than Outraged Mumnsetters.

Why not? Are they not humans? Or are kids in the western world more special that they need special treatments in all area and cannot accommodate for a small thing like staying home alone between 9 and 9: 15 or going to club with mum and enjoy an activity of their own like padle tennis or go with brother at 9 for football practice. She has 3 options but you say she will develop behaviour issues despite the fact Op enables her to have her favourite extra curricular activities.

Not all kids get married at the age 12 years old in Asia. Educate yourself. There are plenty of doctors coming from Asia to UK who would not be able to if they were forced to get married at 12.
There are people who grew up in normal families but with still some deciplined routine and have grown up to be wholesome adults.

Please don't pull a line out of my post to give a reactive answer without grasping in what context it was written.

I was talking in response to op saying waking up early or accomodating to family once a week for a few hours will lead to behaviour issues. And no it does not if you have overall good care of children.

'Not all kids get married at the age 12 years old in Asia. Educate yourself.'

I was referring to a pp -'You do all realise that until as recently as the 1920's, it was legal for girls to be married at 12?'

But good to hear not all kids get married at the age of 12 in Asia. Thanks.

Polishing her halo?

I'm totally with you and agree that taking your daughter with you to DL is absolutely fine. However, I was just wondering whether she might be interested in working out as well - for instance home HIIT with someone like Growingannanas or all purpose fitness with Heather Robertson or Popsugar Fitness. So many teenagers don't do regular exercise, which is a real shame. You could do it together on Sunday mornings 😀

And might we also agree that the mother knows the situation even better than Granddad?

@ChedderGorgeous @Janiie @sheoaouhra

read this! ⬆️