To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

DD never gets hers?

Have you just made that up or have you not read OPs posts?

and OP didn't. So you can jump back on your steed of sanctimony and head on out of town.

OP, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. At some point your DD may decide that 15 minutes alone is not worse than getting up early on a saturday to go to what sounds like a fun gym.

Your DS may decide he's had enough of a long bus journey just to be the next Harry Kane tho. What will your DH suggest then? that you give up your class, i expect.

OP isn't leaving her child.

'I feel sorry for some of the posters on here who clearly have no expectation whatsoever of time to themselves.'

I get plenty of time for myself, just have good time management and organisational skills. When kids were younger that didn't involve dragging them out of bed at 7am on a weekend unless obviously urgent.

This whole post.

@Janiie

what have you got against exercise? “Do your squats later” you make it sound like a really silly trivial thing.

and op ain’t gonna stay at home with her daughter - she’s gonna keep doing her class. Woop! You should really take a leaf out of her book - make time for yourself! Mothers matter just as much as kids

Oh dear. I feel like I’ve touched a nerve with my constant references to David Lloyd.

Did you have a bad experience in one of their clubs?

I do practice squats at home as well!

I totally agree. I don't know why so many people are defending the OP. Just because her husband is a bit crap doesn't meant that she is in the right as regards her daughter.
The dd has options.
I'm not scrolling again on this thread but if the child likes a lie in, she won't even notice that mum is out for 15 mins.
If she doesn't like being by herself 15 mins is a longer enough starter to build up resilance.

I cant thinknof any reason why op should miss her class on a typical Saturday.
The Dp us more than a bit crap especially running to fil telling tales. That's just causing trouble.

She is 11 so old enough to make a choice, she has chosen to go with you instead of staying at home, so tell her to stop moaning.

I'm inspired - off to my (sadly budget) gym right now, leaving my children with DP who will have to cover supper 💪🏋

Thank you, OP! You've reminded me that mothers need interests. I deserve some endorphins, goddammit!

So, in your book, OP's DS, DD and DH should all get to do their first choice activity and OP never gets hers? OP has already explained why she can't do a different class, and also that her DD gets to do her choice of activities at other times in the week. Her husband isn't offering to miss football practice or to drive there so that he could leave later, after OP gets home.

DD has three activities from what the op has said, but none on Saturday morning, so it’s not that she’s missing out, she can literally choose whatever she wants to do, the choice is hers.

To be honest I’d jump at the chance to stay at home on a Saturday morning, so the quicker she gets over the fear of being by herself in the house the better really, as it will mean not having to go out when you don’t want to, no one’s forcing her to do anything, the only person holding her back is herself.

I agree with this. The child is 11 and still at primary school - there’s a lot of maturing that happens when kids start going to secondary school. Some children are ok being home alone at 11, others aren’t. Neither is wrong.

The OP is very dismissive of her DD’s anxiety about being left alone. 11 years old at primary school is still on the threshold for lots of kids, and the NSPCC state children shouldn’t be left alone if they’re not comfortable. By all means work on DD’s resilience but not taking her fears seriously is a bit shitty imo. OP says her DD just needs to learn to be at home alone by just doing it but there’s better ways than just chucking her in at the deep end and leaving her to figure out how to deal with her fears alone, imo.

I agree women shouldn’t have to give up everything but it strikes me here that the options are all about the two females making compromises.

If DD is now happy to get up early then great. The area at the health club sounds fine. But children do a lot of growing at that age and hormones start to kick in for girls, so she might start to struggle and get tired. That would be my only concern.

Really though this is all a misdirection. The issue here isn’t OP wanting to go to the gym and expecting DD to traipse along - it’s the DP who’s refusing to drive and not pulling their weight. Thats what actually needs attention - OP needs to kick his arse into gear. But it sounds like that’s difficult and complicated - so it’s back to either OP or her DD making compromises rather than a grown-ass man.

I’m beginning to wonder if pps’ husbands left them for David Lloyd. The mere mention of the name has triggered apoplexy.

No-one is missing it. You, on the other hand, are missing the fact that it has been answered several times over.

Please try not to worry too much about DD.

She does a much loved Stagecoach class (drama, dancing and acting) on Saturdays so she does get to do one her first choice activities.

I hope it’s put your mind at rest that amidst the bleak, terrible horror that is DD’s neglected existence (waking up early on a Saturday) there is a faint flicker of joy.

You are absolutely correct op. But do you have enough money set by to pay for the future therapy she will need 😂

I know. But I'm American and I don't know David Lloyd from David Beckham.

I'm with the OP 100%, however,

It suits OP at 7.30, because that's when her class is. It isn't on at other times. Why is it so dreadful for the child to be taken out to have her breakfast there, sit and read, and play with a friend? Did you miss the bit where she wants to go back?

Starting to wish I hadn’t mentioned DL. It is definitely triggering some people on the thread😭

I only named the name so people understood I wasn’t leaving DD alone outside the local PAYG £20 a month basement gym (and there is nothing wrong with those ones btw - horses for courses!) but inside a family friendly space. Sadly this is still tantamount to child abuse😂

Thinking back to being an 11 year old girl, I’d be absolutely appalled at having to get up at 7am on a Saturday… but absolutely thrilled to be home alone for a bit as long as it wasn’t dark. As an adult, a solid reason to get up early AND a peaceful breakfast in a cafe sounds like a dream!

You have given her two very very reasonable options to choose from. There is 0 cruelty in this situation at all. I really admire your commitment to making time for your self and focusing on your health, please don’t stop!

Because DD does other stuff in the week? Why are you missing this?

Presumably a family membership?

Careful, I had a post deleted for suggesting she is. So if she genuinely isn't then just a bit slow on the uptake.