To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

And? The family has membership, they have appropriate facilities and run an appropriate class. Why does OP have to do something else just because her husband won't drive?

At yet your dad is offering free childcare and your DP is taking your ds to his club while you do your hobby.

@Janiie

lol as if doing a few squats is equivalent to a gym class!

you don’t need to put yourself last you know! That is not part and parcel of motherhood

@Eastie77Returns I think you are being a very positive role model to your children. Showing them that their mother has the right to have interests and physical and mental health needs and is solution orientated (for want of a better phrase).

Sounds like your daughter had a lovely time too.

Their father, on the other hand, sounds like a right imbecile.

Not being unreasonable at all, I wake my kids up early on a Saturday to go to the gym, I won't leave them asleep in the house.

If they didn't want to stay at home I absolutely would make them come and sit there. She's not a toddler and this is the age where you should be able to spend an hour on yourself. She can get a drink and read a book like you said.

It's unreasonable to expect your life to revolve around taking your children to club's and school and not being able to do the same.

Did you miss the part where he is an hour away, and it would be left to the OP to drive her DD there and collect her - so a 2 hour drive on a Friday and a 2 hour drive on a Saturday, for the sake of 15 minutes? Would you do that?

You really can’t win as a woman

if op was doing a later class at like 1pm or something she’d probably be criticised for it eating into prime ‘faaaaamily time’ waaaah

All of them are hobbies, the kids sports are hobbies, the OPs class is a hobby, why should one person have to give up their hobby for the sake of a 15min window of leaving an 11 year old on her own.

You really thing OP should have to drive 4 hours over a weekend, instead of thinking her daughter could entertain herself for 15 minutes on a Saturday morning.

What a load of nonsense.

Stick to your guns, OP. As you say, you’re not doing your daughter any favours by cancelling the class and it’s time that you’ve tried very hard to set aside for yourself. Your needs matter too.

You're doing nothing wrong, you've given her options, if she doesn't want to come with you then she can stay at home alone for 15 minutes. I'd be pissed off at DP as well for refusing to drive. What's that all about??

My kids are 6 and 8 and I dragged them to the gym for 9.30 this morning so I could leave them in the childcare and do my workout.

I was hoping in a couple of years I could leave them at home/in the cafe (where I incidentally work) so that I can still continue to attend the gym.

It's incredibly hard work trying to fit in exercise and family life and I don't blame OP for thinking of leaving her 11 year old alone for 15 minutes so she can gym. Getting classes to work around your life is like finding a pot of gold under a rainbow! I want to do yoga, there is not a single yoga class in 7 days that fits in with my schedule so I can well imagine that OP wants to hang onto her class.

I remember as a child being taken to the gym so my mum could exercise, when I was younger I could sit near her (several years ago, quiet gym) and when I was older I could sit by the pool/go swimming by myself/explore the grounds. I actually have very fond memories of that place, I was probably about 11 too, now I'm almost 38 and I don't feel like I was traumatised.

I'm sure I was made to get up early to go to xyz too because I wasn't old enough to stay at home. That is life as a child, sometimes they have to do things they don't want to do and it's a good lesson to learn. I don't want to go to work but I have to. I don't want to go food shopping but I have to.

An 11 year old needs to start learning to be alone at home for short periods of time and this is perfect! Of course it's a bit scary the first few times but after a while they will get used to it. Everything new can be scary at first but if we never pushed ourselves out of our comfort zone we could never get anywhere.

I agree. There was a thread the other day where an extraordinary number of women were competing to establish how little they expected of their children. Apparently they were all in heaven if their adult children remember to send them a birthday card. The gift of a random tatty charity-shop book would have been beyond their wildest dreams.

And here are those women now, berating a capable, reasonable mother with a pretty useless partner for daring to expect a bit of time for herself. Ignore them, OP. It's absolutely fine for women to have time to themselves to do what they need to do and for an 11-year-old to manage at home alone for 15 minutes or come along to the gym with you. It's really not fine, though, for your DP to recruit his elderly dad in an attempt to emotionally blackmail you. I'd be seriously angry with that.

Free childcare involves four hours of driving. Not free exactly.
DS football and OP "hobby", a gym class important for OP's health, do not clash.
If DP drove DS to football, DD would not be left alone.

It's the perfect parent brigade polishing their halos!

They're a few sandwiches short of a picnic!

Yes I think her child's mental health is more of a priority. When you have dc you can't just do as you please.

15 minutes - her child's mental health? What is actually wrong with you?!

You don't have to totally subjugate yourself to motherhood, you know!

It's at no profit to the grandfather. It's not all or nothing there are multiple other exercise options open to the op.

Would it be acceptable to you if DP waited until OP got back from her class before taking DS to football? Then DD is not left alone.

Or is it the fact that OP has a hobby that is bothering you?

You don't need a David Lloyd gym (did she mention it was David Lloyd?) To exercise
Fair enough but if you're paying gor it and enjoying it why not?

All tbis has probably been said but....
Dp should be doing his bit to make life easier for op
Dd can stay in bed, get up and watch youtube bake, chill whatever or get up and go with mum if she wants. If kid wants to stop at home she will only be there for a short time and it will help her build her confidence.
Op can do something she enjoys
Dp needs to stop stiring the pot and causing trouble. How bloody dare he go telling tales to your dad!
He needs to drive the car and also stop causing problems, like the
Op aren't you noticing how dp is making life hard for you? I wouldn't be surprised if his plan was for your dad to give you a bollocking, not have him offering to have dd overnight.
Also the comment about causing an issue and then made it your problem to sort.
One things for certain, I'm glad he's not my dh!!!

Thank you Janiie, I have to say your comments throughout this thread have honestly made me chuckle. Especially the one about me organising my life better and joining a different gym. And now this gem about doing squats any other time and leaving DH at home to clean😂

You sound as if you have the perfect household - congrats.

I think I'll pass on all your sage advice though. I'll stick with DL and continue doing my squats and Pilates there whilst poor exhausted, neglected DD is left to fend for herself in the jungle that is a David Lloyd's restaurant and Racquets court.

Just have to hope and pray all of this doesn't scar her for life #prayforEastiesDD

p.s. it's 'tow' not 'toe'.

If a child feels scared at home alone you don't leave them. It's not about boredom.

And there are multiple options for the DD and the DP.

How much petrol/diesel do you think 4 hours' driving would take, never mind how much it would eat into the OP's precious free time?

I can't believe you actually think that. It's bonkers!

It's 15 minutes. She's 11. She needs to get over it, frankly.

So, we have a girl who doesn't want to go out on a Saturday morning, and who has three potential solutions to that: she could stay at home and cope with being on her own for 15 minutes (remembering that in four months' time she'll be doing that regularly on coming home from school); she could go out with her father and brother; or her father could drive and leave after her mother gets back. But you think that, rather than choose one of those, OP should either give up the class she needs for her health, or should spend four hours at the weekends driving.

How is that remotely reasonable or sensible?

Well then either goes to football or to DL. Won't kill her!

She's 11. She needs to start to learn some independence!