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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If one of your adult kids won the lottery

202 replies

Hedgeoffressian · 04/05/2024 08:37

If you have two grown children. One of them wins a substantial sum on the lottery. Your other child is very poor living from one pay day to the next and has to budget to make sure they can pay for life’s essentials. Would this affect what you leave your children in your will and would you leave the majority of your assets to the child who needs it most? Or would you split it between them evenly?

I personally would leave the majority to the child who has nothing. Would you do the same?

Disclaimer to add this hasn’t affected me in real life. It’s something I have wondered about though.

OP posts:
BobnLen · 04/05/2024 10:54

Well, I wouldn't have this quandary as I only have one but I would hope that he would remember his dear old mum when collecting his winnings.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/05/2024 10:55

TheTorturedPoetsDept · 04/05/2024 08:43

I'd expect my lottery winning child to give their sibling and me a chunk of the money.

This. I'd be very disappointed if one of my kids won 10M and didn't help their siblings. So having raised them better than that hopefully, I'd leave my fortune equally.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 04/05/2024 10:55

cryinglaughing · 04/05/2024 08:39

I would leave them an equal share.
Why should the one who makes shrewd financial decisions be penalised because their sibling hasn't done the same?

No-one made a shrewd financial decision, they gambled.

Tospyornottospy · 04/05/2024 10:58

SleepingStandingUp · 04/05/2024 10:55

This. I'd be very disappointed if one of my kids won 10M and didn't help their siblings. So having raised them better than that hopefully, I'd leave my fortune equally.

Show quote history

But how much would you expect them to share? 50/50?

Smartiepants79 · 04/05/2024 11:02

I’d expect them to share enough to make their siblings lives easier. Enough to pay of their mortgage with a bit extra for whatever they need.
No one needs 10 million pounds all to themselves.

bloodyeffinnora · 04/05/2024 11:04

I would leave them an equal share, but I would help out the poor one whilst I was still alive

Smartiepants79 · 04/05/2024 11:05

my caveat to that would be that it perhaps depends on number of siblings and how they get on.
I’m basing it my family. Only 2 of them and close.
Juts 5% of that lucky win would it a decent family home.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 04/05/2024 11:09

Would the ones saying the winner should share with the siblings feel the same if the win was on Premium Bonds? Because buying Premium Bonds is a financial decision, it's a choice of where you put your savings.
I have 2 adult children, one is well off, it hasn't been handed to them, from the age of 4 or 5 they worked extremely hard at school, then at university and at professional qualifications, they told me they realised by about 11 or 12 that if they wanted to be successful it was all down to them so they had to work hard to achieve that success. They are very ambitious and driven, but are a really lovely person and have a spouse who has similar attitudes. They are also excellent with money and understand about delayed gratification. So now at 30 all that work is paying off in terms of the lifestyle they have.
My other child, whilst being equally intelligent, has not made the most of their brain and has not taken up opportunities given, they are also feckless with money. They live a less than average lifestyle and are always complaining about having no money. Why should the first subsidise the second's choices in life if they won money? Or receive less in my will?
Inheritance should always be split equally however, otherwise there are likely to be rifts in the sibling relationship. This would of course be different in the case of eg one sibling being disabled and needing more care.

Tospyornottospy · 04/05/2024 11:10

Smartiepants79 · 04/05/2024 11:02

I’d expect them to share enough to make their siblings lives easier. Enough to pay of their mortgage with a bit extra for whatever they need.
No one needs 10 million pounds all to themselves.

It just really depends on why the sibling is not doing well financially. And how they are. I’m biased due to my sibling but for example even if I threw them
2 million they would feel hard done by and have the entitled expectation of half. Plus they are doing poorly due to their own lifestyle and bad decisions.

pizzaHeart · 04/05/2024 11:10

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 04/05/2024 08:46

This. You've no really idea how people‘s lives will play out.

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Yes to all these ^

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 11:11

Nope, equal share.

makeanddo · 04/05/2024 11:12

If this happened now I would like to believe that the child that one would give the other a big amount, not half obvs, but a decent sum or at least pay for something.

In your scenario I would discuss it with both of them. If the one who had loads of money was very vocal about 'what's fair' and they should get an equal amount then it would damage our relationship and I would tell them so.

thaegumathteth · 04/05/2024 11:15

I'd leave an equal share.

My mum is leaving me and my two siblings equal share. One of us in a multi millionaire. The other two are doing ok, not penniless but not wealthy.

I don't know that the multi millionaire sibling will actually take their share tbh but if they do then I'm totally fine with that. I absolutely would have felt awkward and guilty if my mum hadn't left them an equal share.

Samlewis96 · 04/05/2024 11:18

cryinglaughing · 04/05/2024 08:39

I would leave them an equal share.
Why should the one who makes shrewd financial decisions be penalised because their sibling hasn't done the same?

Is winning the lottery a shrewd financial decision then?

Mamimoo · 04/05/2024 11:19

For me it would depend on the amount won and whether they shared with their sibling.

If they won a very large sum and refused to share then I’d be more inclined to leave my entire estate to the poor sibling. If they did share then I’d probably split it.

If they won a decent but smaller amount say £1m then I may split. I guess it would entirely depend on circumstances, and amount won on lottery etc.

TheSnowyOwl · 04/05/2024 11:23

Everyone is focusing on inheriting money but many families have heirlooms and jewellery to pass on. It’s not always about finances and, quite possibly, some would be more reluctant to pass them on to someone who might sell them because they were struggling financially.

64zooooooolane · 04/05/2024 11:28

cryinglaughing · 04/05/2024 08:39

I would leave them an equal share.
Why should the one who makes shrewd financial decisions be penalised because their sibling hasn't done the same?

How is winning the lotto shrewd 😂you have completely missed the point and your wrong anyway... you can make good choices and still end up with nothing. I'm one of four sisters , one is alot less of then the rest of us and my parents help her out financially all the time and will probably leave her more in the will. My sister works full time and has two kids but following a bad divorce she's struggling. I am happy for my parents to help her as she needs the help. I don't want my sister to struggle and if I want more money for myself well I'd better go out and earn more!!!

Fanchester · 04/05/2024 11:29

In that vanishingly unlikely situation, I'd probably sit everyone down and discuss it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/05/2024 11:31

cryinglaughing · 04/05/2024 08:39

I would leave them an equal share.
Why should the one who makes shrewd financial decisions be penalised because their sibling hasn't done the same?

I wouldn't call buying lottery tickets a shrewd financial decision myself - more pure, dumb luck in my opinion.

KittyCollar · 04/05/2024 11:34

Equal share. One pot of money doesn’t cancel out another and who wants to be disinherited by their parents.

theexceliconisgreen · 04/05/2024 11:35

It depends what would be classed as a substantial sum for the lottery win i.e. if I won £100,000 I would pay it all towards my mortgage (and still have some balance left to pay after that) so it would help me pay off my mortgage quicker but wouldn't necessarily make it that I have a completely superior standard of living to my sibling. If it was winning £112 million on the euromillions then I'd be throwing money at my family.....

wombat15 · 04/05/2024 11:36

Doesn't it depend on how much,? If I won millions I would give my siblings money anyway. I think my parents would leave equal amounts but I would vary the will so they got my share.

VestibuleVirgin · 04/05/2024 11:38

Smartiepants79 · 04/05/2024 11:02

I’d expect them to share enough to make their siblings lives easier. Enough to pay of their mortgage with a bit extra for whatever they need.
No one needs 10 million pounds all to themselves.

Of course, many multibillionaires would argue the toss on that statement

VestibuleVirgin · 04/05/2024 11:42

Would those of you who expect the winner to share with the poorer sibling also expect a 'richer' sibling (i.e. better paid job) to share their salary with the poorer one too?

Tospyornottospy · 04/05/2024 11:42

VestibuleVirgin · 04/05/2024 11:38

Of course, many multibillionaires would argue the toss on that statement

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if you gradually accrue more and more money it’s very different to just getting a pile of money. You slowly accrue more and more expenses and responsibilities the first way - the second way you just have a bunch of money and minuscule outgoings on comparison. Not saying people shouldn’t give away to charity etc just saying it’s amazing how you can find yourself without too much actual liquidity despite massive incoming wealth.