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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband goes on holiday with his family without me and our baby

59 replies

Siamesecatlover · 03/05/2024 18:40

This will probably be a long vent / rant. My husband and I have a four month old baby - our first child together. My husband is already going away in June this year for 4 nights for his dad's birthday which he and his siblings organised as a birthday present. The holiday is not suitable for babies so obviously neither me nor our baby are going and will have to stay at home on our own while he's there. I said it was fine for him to do this trip without me since it's his dad's 70th and even though it will be a lot of work for me to deal with the baby and everything else back home for that time it's fine. He is also going to a no kids wedding abroad and a stag do both later this year, without me since again neither of those events are baby friendly so once again I'm home with the baby alone but have accepted it since the wedding/stag is for one of his best friends and it would be a shame for him to miss it. Now, if this was it then fine, but he is now saying he and his siblings want to take their mum on holiday to italy next year for her birthday since they now worry its "unfair" of them not to since they're taking their dad away this year. This is despite them already going on a spa trip and theater show with her in London for the day which I'm not going to because obviously i can't bring our baby to that. I said would the Italy trip be something me and our son could join you on but no, apparently they want it to be a baby free holiday which again means I'll be left at home alone with our son while they swan off on this trip. Apparently I am invited if I just come alone i.e. without my own baby. Right, cheers, how considerate of you. Im sure there are plenty of mothers who are happy to leave their babies to go on holiday but I'm not one of them. At least not yet, maybe in a few years but who knows.

I've told my husband it upsets me that him and his family are happy to go on holiday without me and our son despite knowing we would love to join them. He just says "it's nice to have some baby free time" and why don't I want to go and leave the baby etc. Just doesn't see my point of view. My idea of baby free time is the odd meal or day out together, not multiple nights abroad. Also he seems to assume my parents would be happy to have our son for these nights we would both be away, despite not having asked them?!?!

If I was organising something for my parents birthdays abroad I would make sure it included all of us as a family.

This brings me to the end of my rant. Just need someone to tell me I'm not being totally ridiculous.

OP posts:
spriots · 03/05/2024 18:42

I think you need to book a weekend away with friends and leave him with the baby.

Make sure your parents don't help him out.

Pjsallday · 03/05/2024 18:46

He's selfish and so are his family!! How often do you get your baby free time??

MissAmbrosia · 03/05/2024 18:48

I'd be telling him, sorry next year is my turn and you will have the baby whilst I go away for a few days.

AnxiousRabbit · 03/05/2024 18:49

I think each one of those trips is reasonable....but once you add them all up and then consider the Italy trip is planned after your son arrived that's unreasonable.
Not because it leaves you holding the baby...but because they don't include you or your son.
Afamily holiday is a.perfect opportunity for you both to have baby free time.....your in laws could watch the baby while you go out for the day or a meal

I know grandparents love to hand their grandkids back...but I find it strange your MIL would want to go on holiday without her grandchild or DIL??
Since our children arrived 18 yrs ago they have been included in every family event.

MissAmbrosia · 03/05/2024 18:50

Or you and baby will be coming or he will be on his own to holiday on a permanent basis.

thing47 · 03/05/2024 18:53

Seriously? Is he this crap in the rest of your relationship? How hands-on is he with the baby on a day-to-day basis? Because he sounds like a complete twat.

DaisyChain505 · 03/05/2024 18:54

Sounds like bad timing. A stag do and child free wedding aren’t something he can control. Why don’t you book a weekend break with family or friends so you get the break away and leave him holding the fort?

Marblessolveeverything · 03/05/2024 18:56

I am sorry but we always do celebrations for adults only as well as a separate tea party or a family friendly break as well.

I appreciate it is somewhat selfish but I work bloody hard and every other penny is spent in the children.

So to me a birthday break where we can relax and let our hair down a few times a year is fair.

You may feel comfortable leaving junior next year. If not then hopefully there will be alternative celebrations also.

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 18:57

Does your husband enjoy being a father? Is he usually more pragmatic than sentimental?

Only the Italy trip would worry me because HE doesn’t want the baby there at a big family celebration. I’m wondering if he thinks it’s too much faff and too unsettling for the baby.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 03/05/2024 18:57

I'd book a break away for you and your mum for a few days.

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2024 18:58

The point to me would be the money he's spending that he's not spending on his family (you)
And how much holiday he's using up
And how much time he's not spending with you two

What's the point of him?

WoodBurningStov · 03/05/2024 19:00

Out of interest would he be happy to stay at home, with baby on 3 separate occasions whilst you go away for long weekends with your family/froends. I know it might be hypothetical as you might not want to leave your dc for that long, but it would be interesting to know, and very telling of his opinion of your role in his life if he's happy for you to do so.

Mayflower282 · 03/05/2024 19:01

You needs to sort a girls spa weekend away with friends and leave him with the baby. You deserve a holiday too.

PussInBin20 · 03/05/2024 19:01

One word - selfish.

lazyarse123 · 03/05/2024 19:03

Selfish twat. Does he even want to be a dad?

DancefloorAcrobatics · 03/05/2024 19:04

Id say ok to Dads trip, the stag do & wedding.

But it would be a big fat NO to the Italy trip, unless it's a family trip for ALL the family!
Sit him down and get him to relise that he has his own family now.

JLM1981 · 03/05/2024 20:36

I think it's going a bit far now. Agree with the others. He has his own family now and I think the fourth trip is a bit unnecessary...

Lollypop701 · 03/05/2024 20:50

He can go on holiday with his mum and take baby as you’re making u for his 3 child free holidays and are taking your mum away

tennesseewhiskey1 · 03/05/2024 21:01

Sorry Op but you are not part of his family - he is literally showing you this.

utilitarianism · 03/05/2024 21:05

No, I'd put my foot down about this latest announcement. He can't just leave it all to you (and possibly your parents). If you have shared finances, I'd be reserving the amount he spends on all his solo adventures in a separate pot to spend just on myself. Fair is fair!

But that doesn't solve the issue that he sees no problem with leaving you alone with the baby (or to figure out on your own who'll be caring for the baby if you go to Italy).

Sounds like he's a selfish man-child who needs to finish growing up if he has any hope of being a decent father.

plasq · 03/05/2024 21:22

I wouldn't want to leave my baby to go on holiday.

I would question why he wants to spend so much of his holiday time away from his partner and child. He is not acting like he has a family

Cattenberg · 03/05/2024 21:36

He needs to grow up. He’s a dad now. When my baby was four months old, I left her with my parents for one night to go to a gig, but I phoned to check she’d gone to sleep as usual and was fine!

I didn’t think a holiday would be much fun with a baby in tow, so I didn’t book one. I finally went away with DD (and other family members) when she was 18 months old. I wouldn’t have dreamed of going away for a week without her. She’s six years old now and I still wouldn’t leave her for that long.

PrincessTeaSet · 03/05/2024 21:46

First 3 trips, ok. Italy trip, not ok. Why does a family holiday need to be child free? Most grandmas want their grandchildren to spend time with them. Even if they don't, your husband should tell them either you and baby come or he doesn't. Leaving such a young baby with grandparents for a week isn't right. Different for a night or weekend perhaps.

Tovacado · 03/05/2024 21:54

I agree, it’s not so much about the fact that you’re being left to parent solo, it’s more that he’s behaving as if you and the baby are optional add-ons to his real family. I’d feel quite hurt if I were you.

Ladyprehensile · 03/05/2024 21:56

Tread water. Go with the flow and then ….

hit him with a no baby trip (or two ) away with a friend or your mum. Start planning it now. Keep your cool.

No way would I allow such a selfish husband to get away with this. He’s eaten up with disrespect for your position in the family dynamic and totally out of order. Stuff that for a game of monkeys.