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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not write a note.

89 replies

brightwell · 02/04/2008 15:30

Dd yr9, wants me to write a note to excuse her from pe tomorrow, beacuse she doesn't like hockey. She threw a major tantrum yesterday evening because I've refused.

OP posts:

pointydog · 02/04/2008 20:23

Adults do things they hate to make a living, to achieve things for loved ones. Of course adults so some things they really don't like.

If a child of mine utterly hated PE I would help her come up with a workable alternative that we could talk to the school about. I would not send in half-baked notes.

FrannyandZooey · 02/04/2008 20:24

Pointy I like your suggestion the best

fryalot · 02/04/2008 20:26

dd1 pulled this on me once. I said that I would definitely write her a note. So I sat down and she looked over my shoulder while I wrote...

"dear Mrs PE Teacher,

Unfortunately, dd1 won't be able to take place in hockey tomorrow because she doesn't want to. She has thrown the most major tantrum and I am giving in and writing a note to excuse her from the PE lesson. There is nothing wrong with her but I have had enough of her whinging and mithering at me.

Yours,

Squonk"

Afaik, she took part in the hockey match and all was well. Since then, she knows that if she asks for a note (for PE or for homework, or whaterver) then I will write her one, I will be honest. Painfully honest, but I will write her one.

hth

Blandmum · 02/04/2008 20:32

The advantage of doing PE in school is that you learn that doing things that you don't enjoy doesn't kill you. and in fact, it gives you something to moan about with your mates.

Good practice for putting up with bullshit in later life, and doing things that you don't want to do.

It teaches you that sometimes you just get on with things and life doesn't always go your way. that you are not the centre of the known universe.

FrannyandZooey · 02/04/2008 20:37

I think it's a bit of a leap from "not having to do things that you totally hate and find completely pointless"
to
"being centre of the known universe"

but you could probably make a hockey lesson interesting anyway mb

RubyRioja · 02/04/2008 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blandmum · 02/04/2008 20:46

Nope, I loathed PE in school with a passion.

But it gave me something healthy to whinge about.

And where do you draw the line, if they don't like French (ando ther lothed subject by me!) do you write notes to get them out of that too?

If you send a kid to school you need to back up the school rules. If you can't, you should send them somewhere where you can, or else home ed.

Once you start to cherry pick which rules kids follow in a school (particularly in the teenage years) the whole thing turns into chaos.

Managing 30 kids in a class simply isn't like managing a few at home, it really isn't.

catsmother · 02/04/2008 20:52

I think SlackSally makes some very good points. I used to hate PE .... not because I was awful at it (I was average) but because I was horribly self-conscious being an early developer and felt sick with mortification having to change in front of others (.... with a door that opened out onto the field, and which some thought was hilarious to open just as you'd pulled your shorts down or whatever).

I don't know about your 9 year old, but as soon as I went to secondary school the whole thing got even worse as then we had to have showers .... and despite more of my classmates catching up in the boobs & hair department, I still hated exposing myself. The worse thing was having to do PE when you had your period. Nothing can compare for sheer awfulness and dread to playing netball, or gymnastics FFS whilst wearing an industrial sized sanitary towel and agonising over whether it was showing, slipping or leaking. 30 years on I still feel quite sick thinking about it. It didn't matter we were "all girls together", I just felt humiliated and awful.

Could your 9 year old have any similar-ish fears maybe ?

Eventually, I found the ultimate get out clause and got another teacher to write me a note excusing me from PE forever !! I used to be good at art and the art teacher wrote to the PE teacher emphasising that the "additional experience" in helping her out with her classes would stand me in good stead for my future career as an art teacher (which never happened). Bloody hell - was I grateful !

FrannyandZooey · 02/04/2008 20:54

no, of course it isn't the same, I do take your point mb, but I can still argue about the principles of it if I think they're misguided

I don't think children who don't want to study French should do so tbh

fryalot · 02/04/2008 20:56

catsmother - not a 9 year old... a year 9 child. She would be 13/14

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 02/04/2008 20:57

ok well i loved hockey but i do think that yanbu to say no to her

catsmother · 02/04/2008 21:02

Doh - sorry, that'll teach me for speed reading the OP.

If she is 13/14, she might well have body consciousness issues then ...... but if so, there obviously needs to be a long term strategy worked out for dealing with it, not a one-off note.

Original poster

brightwell · 02/04/2008 21:35

She's 13, it's not body issues, she doesn't like hockey or netball. She feels she's not very good at them. I've told her the only note I would write would say "she wants to be excused because she doesn't like hockey". I'm not prepared to lie for her, it's only an hour it's not going to kill her and if she puts her mind to it, she may even enjoy it. Her younger brother's boots fit her, so no more excuses. I've also said not to try the "my stuff is in someone else's locker" trick.... I'm not as stupid as she obviously thinks I am....but nice try!

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 02/04/2008 21:44

I would love to know how you get through life riven doing only what you want to do?
I would quite simply stay in bed all morning with a book! I can't believe that I am sticking up for playing hockey!! I loathed the game but I agree with Martianbishop, you can't cherrypick the things you want to do at school. You wouldn't write a note saying 'my DD has difficulty with numbers and feels self conscious in the lesson and therefore I would like her excused', so why should you do it with games? It is also a very bad example to tell lies.

mumeeee · 02/04/2008 21:47

You did the right thing,

cory · 02/04/2008 21:51

Don't know what all this is about "today's children". My Mum got out of PE by referring to some fairly dodgy diagnosis of a heart murmur (I bet ds's GP would have been onto that like a shot and sent him back out onto the field!). Her best friend simply told the school that if she was forced to do sports, she would refuse to come to school altogether. (they were tough kids in the 1940's) .

When I was a child, the climate had hardened somewhat and I had endless trouble thinking up new excuses; got no cooperation from my parents whatsoever .

As for today's generation, not a chance. Ds does what he's told. We're hard parents these days.

But I have a feeling that sometimes the parents of previous generations were more willing to use their own initiative and recognise special cases. I wouldn't feel confident enough for that tbh.

unknownrebelbang · 02/04/2008 21:53

Love Squonk's letter.

Franny, DS1 would love you - he's got to do French as a GCSE option and he really dislikes it.

unknownrebelbang · 02/04/2008 21:56

YANBU btw.

Funnily enough, I only ever managed to do hockey once, and I think cross country once.

Had a lot of dental appts in those days but my mother would never had written me a letter.

Janni · 02/04/2008 22:01

Good one, Squonk; says all that needs to be said.

Thin end of the wedge i.m.o. if you write a note to excuse them from an activity they don't enjoy.

I LOATHED school sport, but it was up to me to find a way to wriggle out of it, not for my mum to write me a note.

pointydog · 02/04/2008 22:08

I was in the hockey team, you know. Usually the B team but still.

ManhattanMama · 03/04/2008 16:39

YANBU - I hated hated hated PE with a passion (especially hockey) but there's no way my Mum would have written me a note lying to get me out of doing it.

When I broke my arm the only sport I got out of doing was swimming, which ironically is the only sport I actually enjoyed. I was still made to do tennis, cross country, athletics - basically anything that didn't involve using my left arm!

As PP have said, you have to get used to doing things you don't want to. OTherwise I'd lie in bed all day :-)

UnquietDad · 03/04/2008 16:46

School PE is/was so vile.

It seems (seemed) acceptable to ridicule those who did not have a natural talent for it, in a way that would never have been allowed in Maths or French.

Swedes · 03/04/2008 17:07

Will you write me a note to excuse me from changing stinky nappies?

ernest · 03/04/2008 17:12

will someone please write a note to get me out of doing the ironing and cooking dinner tonight, and tomorrow and the day after....? I hate doing them.

ernest · 03/04/2008 17:13

snap! X posts.

tell you what, i'll swap ypu swedes.

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