To worry I sound boring

milkonesugar35 · 2024-05-03T05:16:02+00:00

On paper. If you were to judge me off this list solely, does it make me sound boring? I'm nearly 36, three kids , work full time btw... T-total Don't go out In bed by 9 No specific hobby Few friends Instead... I holiday abroad 2-3 times a year with husband and kids. Walk the dog Have days out with my kids Enjoy my job Get on well with colleagues

Hoglet70 · 03/05/2024 06:19

Everyone's idea of boring is completely different! To some people, your life is great, to others it doesn't float their boat. Live how you want to live and don't worry what others think.

Josette77 · 03/05/2024 06:21

None of that tells me if you are boring or not?

You can walk a dog and be boring. You can be nice and boring.

You can go bed at 9 and be hilarious charming company. You don't need to drink alcohol to be eccentric.

That said if you're happy with your life who cares? Enjoy being yourself.

ThePoshUns · 03/05/2024 06:30

Your lifestyle might be boring but you might be an interesting person.
A boring person to me is someone who talks about themselves all them time or has nothing to say at all.

Catza · 03/05/2024 06:53

I have no idea whether you are boring or not but it does sound as though you have no interests besides your family. And I generally find there is very little to talk about with a person who can only talk about their husband and kids.

HeadNorth · 03/05/2024 06:53

You live your life in the way that works for you. That would not fulfil me, but it fulfils you - so you are blessed to be content by the simple things in life.

NewStartNowish · 03/05/2024 06:56

Some of the most ‘krrazy’ people can be the most boring to be around.

And people’s lifestyles are not what makes them boring.

We can’t answer this question! But I am sure you aren’t boring to those who care about you.

AgentProvocateur · 03/05/2024 06:57

None of that makes you boring.

Do you read?
Do you keep up with what’s going on in the world?
Do you contribute your opinions?
Are you interested in finding out about things?

If the answer to these questions is yes, you’re not boring.

Beeebabababom · 03/05/2024 07:01

Who cares if you're boring...to who anyway? Who cares what boring is, it subjective anyway.

But I can't imagine how you are fulfilled with no hobbies and no friends.

Can you carve out one evening a week to start a new interest? It could be at home or not.

Freakinfraser · 03/05/2024 07:03

That’s not really what boring is about, boring is about your personality.

it isn’t a very exciting life as such, in bed by nine, no friends, no socialising, never going out, and you’re only in your thirties, but so what, if you’re happy that is all that matters.

however what has prompted the question?

Original poster

milkonesugar35 · 03/05/2024 07:23

Thank you for your replies. Not to drip feed but this came up because my husband isn't happy with our sexless marriage (my choosing, always had a low sex drive since we first met so I've not changed, but he's understandably frustrated). In conversation with that he brought up the above list, adding in no sex and said I'm "quite the catch".

OP posts:

Didimum · 03/05/2024 07:40

To me, ‘boring’ has always been based on personality, not on lifestyle traits.

Regardless, firstly your husband sounds quite awful. Secondly, surely you see a sexless marriage in your 30s with someone who isn’t happy with a sexless marriage isn’t going to work?

Catza · 03/05/2024 07:44

milkonesugar35 · 03/05/2024 07:23

Thank you for your replies. Not to drip feed but this came up because my husband isn't happy with our sexless marriage (my choosing, always had a low sex drive since we first met so I've not changed, but he's understandably frustrated). In conversation with that he brought up the above list, adding in no sex and said I'm "quite the catch".

He is a dick for bringing it up but.. this is just showing again and again that nobody appreciates martyrdom. You can give up your life for the sake of your family but, in the end, the person you are with only feels the loss of the "fun" partner they first met. It is so important to have a life, interests and identity outside of family life!
I would ask him to take over the childcare one night a week and one weekend a month so you can go and get a hobby and meet up with some friends.

Jellybean85 · 03/05/2024 07:53

He's a twat to say it but I think I would struggle to enjoy a life with a partner like that tbh when do you do anything as a couple? Or for yourself?

jeaux90 · 03/05/2024 08:16

I'm not sure why you are staying married, I'm a lone parent and have been for 14 years (happily)

If you have a lovely stable life why don't you both just split and co-parent? If you are not happy together I mean.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/05/2024 08:19

Good on him for being honest with you. Better to tell the truth than to continue a pretence.

Freakinfraser · 03/05/2024 08:39

Ok, that is a drip feed. I would not be happy at that age in a sexless marriage and a partner that goes to bed at nine and never goes out. I understand you’ve kids, so unless another drip feed coming, I think it’s fair he has told you.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

Freakinfraser · 03/05/2024 08:40

Catza · 03/05/2024 07:44

He is a dick for bringing it up but.. this is just showing again and again that nobody appreciates martyrdom. You can give up your life for the sake of your family but, in the end, the person you are with only feels the loss of the "fun" partner they first met. It is so important to have a life, interests and identity outside of family life!
I would ask him to take over the childcare one night a week and one weekend a month so you can go and get a hobby and meet up with some friends.

Show quote history

wtf, he’s a dick for bringing it up? So he’s just supposed to live a celibate life, with a partner who never goes out and is in bed by nine, and pretend to be happy?

aye.

dontcryformeargentina · 03/05/2024 08:50

Freakinfraser · 03/05/2024 08:39

Ok, that is a drip feed. I would not be happy at that age in a sexless marriage and a partner that goes to bed at nine and never goes out. I understand you’ve kids, so unless another drip feed coming, I think it’s fair he has told you.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

Same.. I'd not be happy with "no sex and in bed by 9 " partner.

JamSandle · 03/05/2024 08:50

You don't sound boring to me. And anyway, who cares if people did think that? If you're happy, you're happy!

daffodilandtulip · 03/05/2024 08:55

I'm a night owl but other than that my list would be quite similar. It's not boring to find pleasure in the small things in life. If you're doing all those things and it's making you depressed, then there are problem, but for you're happy and fulfilled, live your life how you like!

mynameiscalypso · 03/05/2024 08:57

I don't know how healthy it is to have nothing besides work and looking after children in your life. I have fallen into this trap before and I think you need something in your life which is just for you. It doesn't have to be a crazy time-consuming hobby or some group activity - it could just be going for a run or swimming or collecting something or whatever. But I do think it's important to have that to retain your sense of self.

On the sexless marriage, nobody should be having sex if they don't want to. But it's not going to really work unless both of you are on the same page. Neither is right or wrong but you're not compatible anymore.

SallyWD · 03/05/2024 09:02

"Boring" is subjective. When I was a teenager I thought my parents were boring for enjoying National Trust properties, tea rooms and walks in the countryside. At that age I enjoyed festivals, loud shouty grunge music and getting drunk.
Now I find all that boring and enjoy all the same things my parents do!
It's just different preferences and different perspectives.
Your life doesn't sound boring to me. I don't think a quiet life (quieter than yours) is boring. To me it would be peaceful and calm. The only kind of life I can imagine being being truly boring is someone who doesn't leave the house or someone who doesn't have a life beyond work.

Freakinfraser · 03/05/2024 09:03

mynameiscalypso · 03/05/2024 08:57

I don't know how healthy it is to have nothing besides work and looking after children in your life. I have fallen into this trap before and I think you need something in your life which is just for you. It doesn't have to be a crazy time-consuming hobby or some group activity - it could just be going for a run or swimming or collecting something or whatever. But I do think it's important to have that to retain your sense of self.

On the sexless marriage, nobody should be having sex if they don't want to. But it's not going to really work unless both of you are on the same page. Neither is right or wrong but you're not compatible anymore.

Agree, she shouldn’t have sex if she doesn’t wish, but she also cannot expect her husband to live a life of celibacy.

for me the op is misleading, she should have simply wrote my husband is unhappy in our marriage, it is celibate, I have no friends, I don’t go out ever and I go to bed at nine. I do work and have kids, so my waking hours are spent on that. My marriage is in trouble.

as that is the more accurate gist of it.

NewStartNowish · 03/05/2024 09:04

Ok well your update has changed the question really.

This is a relationship issue.

It is fine for him to raise all his concerns but he needed to discuss it all properly and sensitively. Not as a snide dig.

ThePoshUns · 03/05/2024 10:12

Ah huge drip feed. Your DH is telling you how he feels about your marriage.
36 is too young to involuntarily be in a sexless marriage. He is right to raise it and you need to address it.