To worry I sound boring

[milkonesugar35]

On paper.

If you were to judge me off this list solely, does it make me sound boring? I'm nearly 36, three kids , work full time btw...

T-total
Don't go out
In bed by 9
No specific hobby
Few friends

Instead...
I holiday abroad 2-3 times a year with husband and kids.
Walk the dog
Have days out with my kids
Enjoy my job
Get on well with colleagues

Ok noted thank you. As above though, it's not a recent change in me - he's always known me this way (13 years!) and until now has never mentioned it as an issue.
Not sure what the decision can be as ultimately neither of us should compromise.

Do you have to get up super early? Why in bed at 9?

The sex changes things. You had sex when having kids so low sex to no sex would be hard.

Do you feel fulfilled?

Don't get your knickers in a twist. I am not talking about him bringing up the sex life, clearly. I am taking about him bringing up "the list" and also making a demeaning comment that OP is "quite a catch". That's hardly going to improve their sex life, is it? If this is your way of communicating with your partner, have at it. But I would imagine most adults try to keep these conversations more positive, constructive and not make ad hominem attacks.
Since when is going out and staying up late a requirement for a fulfilling relationship?

@Josette77 my youngest is up at 5.30. I leave for work at 7.30

I'm surprised he's stayed in a sexless marriage for that long if it's not his choice.

I'm not sure you can say you haven't changed OP, clearly you had at least some sex to have DC, perhaps he was ok with low sex but not no sex.

Not many people in their 30s, men or women, would be willing to stay in a marriage with no sex and a partner completely focused on work and family only. You don't have to change of course, but you should probably prepare yourself for your marriage ending at some point.

I dont know what boring is really i may sound boring to others but i enjoy my life so i dont care.

That's still really early to go to bed. How old is the youngest?

When was the last time you had sex? Have you told him you don't ever want sex again?

@Josette77 I wouldn't say it's that early when we all aim for 8 hours a night, right?! I certainly need it.

I don't know. It's not never it's maybe once a quarter so I suppose the term sexless marriage is wrong.

When do you see your husband without the kids?

It seems early to me but I don't think I've ever slept 8.5 hours a night.

4 times a year is pretty much sexless. Have you two talked about it?

@Josette77 we don't! Youngest is 2. Never had a night off since he was born. Go to work, dinner, bed repeat.

So when you started dating you had sex 4 times a year and your husband was happy with this but now he's unhappy?

Pretty much @RollsnRocks Hes always maintained that he doesn't want me to do something I don't want to do.

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

Totally agree with this. Your marriage, which it sounds like you have both neglected, is at risk unless you put some work into addressing the problems.

He has tried to be patient in the hope things would change, but they haven’t. Now he’s being honest.

Things have changed op, you clear were not only having sex 3 or 4 times a year before. And you clearly didn’t go to bed at 9 every night either. Are you saying you never had friends and never went out before? That I can’t comment on if it’s not changed.

you are right you do not need to compromise. You should not have sex you don’t wish, or to stay up later, or be sociable. Absolutely. But you should also understand your marriage is likely ending due to it.

You had three kids by shagging 3 or 4 times a year?

the issue is not if you’re boring or not, the issue is your husband is unhappy, and it’s a foolish person who doesn’t listen to their spouse, male or female when they start to articulate that. Unless they want to end up divorced.

I agree. He finds the life you're leading together boring, so he's said it in the hope things will change.

Do you think of your husband as your friend, as well as your romantic partner? I find it interesting that you say you have no friends.

You must be the most fertile woman in England if you're only having sex four times a year and still had three children! Quite honestly, I suspect you were having more sex than that initially, so it is a change for your husband.

To me you sound quite uneventful and I would not choose to spend my life with someone who's life looks like that. your marriage is clearly dead and your focus is almost solely on your kids, not even on yourself. Just because you are a mum doesn't mean that you have to lose your own personality and interests.

Marriage is dead purely because of lack of sex? Our marriage isn't based on that. It's based on a lot more.

It does sound dead. You don’t do anything with your husband. You don’t have sex, you don’t go out together, no hobbies with or without him, goes to bed early so no evening time at home together. To me that’s definitely a dead marriage and I would require a lot more to feel fulfilled.

Bored and proud over here 💪

Not boring at all from that list.

I think it depends on how you present yourself to others. Do you have a bright, interested demeanour? Are you generally positive about yourself, your life and the world in general? Do you chat to people but know when to stop and let them respond? Sense of humour, but not guffawing madly at every little thing?

It think those are the crucial things. I've known some people whose lives on paper sound amazing, but they were boring because they had a miserable demeanour and took no interest in anyone else. I used to be a terrible moaner when young, but I got sharply put in my place and changed my ways so that now I'm almost manically positive, which might be equally annoying to some people!