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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Move to bigger house or stay near DD's friend

67 replies

SadWench · 02/05/2024 15:56

We live in a nice house which we like and are so lucky that we have great neighbours who we all really like in a lovely cul de sac. Our DD5 has two close friends who live on the same street and we get along really well with their parents. The children play out together most days.

Our house is a bit small for us though - DH needs a home office, we need a spare room for visiting family and we would like to move about 2 miles away to be closer to the town centre.

The main thing keeping us where we are is our neighbours and community and I'm worried DD would hate to leave where we are now as she loves it. The upsides to moving would be more space and as DD gets older she could walk to things which she couldn't now. A few of her school friends live in the town so there would be people around as she got older but not that "open your front door and play with the neighbours" situation.

AIBU to consider moving in these circumstances?

OP posts:
blackcherryconserve · 02/05/2024 16:02

Move to bigger house. DD will make new friends.

flyinghen · 02/05/2024 16:03

I would stay put for sure, it sounds lovely.

Longlifemilk · 02/05/2024 16:18

I’d stay put for now.

Dartmoorcheffy · 02/05/2024 16:20

I'd move. Friends come and go at that age. She will make new friends.

WomenLookingAtMenLookingAtWomen · 02/05/2024 16:24

You would be completely mad not to move house when you need to because of your five-year-old's current friendships, which may have changed by next week.

theeyeofdoe · 02/05/2024 16:25

WomenLookingAtMenLookingAtWomen · 02/05/2024 16:24

You would be completely mad not to move house when you need to because of your five-year-old's current friendships, which may have changed by next week.

This

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/05/2024 16:27

Could you extend your stay existing house? Add a home office in the garden? Not just for her current friends but to stay in a quiet/safe culdesac.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 02/05/2024 16:30

There's no guarantee the neighbours won't move, or that DD will continue to be friends with them.

I think it would be a bit silly to not move because of the neighbour DC, and could be something you regret massively if you later get priced out / can't move to the new area for some reason.

She can always have friends over to play if you move.

Moier · 02/05/2024 16:32

Can you build an extension?

Haydenn · 02/05/2024 16:36

Move. I would sacrifice the quality of life for everyone in the family for a 5 year olds friendships. They’ll make new friends easily, and can still see the old ones…although I’d give it two months until they move on

SplitFountainPen · 02/05/2024 16:37

Definitely move now, easier the younger she is.

Greywitch2 · 02/05/2024 16:37

Don't be daft! No one stays in a too small house because their 5 yo has friends there.

I can guarantee you that they drift in and out of friendships all through primary and secondary school.

Original poster
SadWench · 02/05/2024 17:31

Thanks - it's not just about her friend just to clarify it's also our close relationship with the neighbours and the culture of them playing out together safely which we really value.

DD is our only and that has an impact too as she always has children to play with where we are.

However as she gets older it could be better to be in a town where she can walk to friends houses / shops etc.

OP posts:
Trulyme · 02/05/2024 18:55

My initial reaction was don’t be daft and of course you should move.

As she’s only 5 it won’t be a big deal to move now and you can make sure to make an effort to have her friends over for tea more.

However, I grew up on a council estate similar to this though and it was lovely having that community feel and being able to play out the front with friends.
I often feel sad that my child doesn’t have this.

I would consider staying if there was anyway to make an office for DH (garden outbuilding?) or if you definitely weren’t planning any more children.

Are there any larger homes available on the estate to compromise?

Changingplace · 02/05/2024 19:00

Of course you should move, your current neighbours could move any time and a five year olds friendship groups aren’t a reason to remain in a house that’s too small. She’ll make new friends.

Newname71 · 02/05/2024 19:04

I wouldn’t let any of that stop me from moving. Neighbours move on.
You will eventually need to move for more space as she gets bigger.
My dad was in the RAF and we moved very 3 years, it was much easier making new friends at primary age as opposed to high school age.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 02/05/2024 19:06

WomenLookingAtMenLookingAtWomen · 02/05/2024 16:24

You would be completely mad not to move house when you need to because of your five-year-old's current friendships, which may have changed by next week.

Yeah this.

I'm all for taking the child's life into consideration but seriously?

NorthernMouse · 02/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn’t move until she’s older.

Being able to play out with friends in a safe community is priceless.

We lived in a close where all the children played out. We were great friends with some of the parents. The first summer we lived there my 4 year old DS, who was a bit on the chubby side, slimed right down. If you watch children running around playing (for hours) they are getting so much exercise. And friendships. Instead of sitting inside on devices. All of this is even more important to an only.

I’d stay for 3 or 4 more years for that reason alone. Family can stay in a hotel. Garden office for your DH?

It’s not about staying for a 5 year old’s friends, it’s staying to give her the really rare (nowadays) lifestyle of playing out and being part of a wider family community.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 02/05/2024 19:14

As she gets older it will be great for her to be able to walk to things rather than you having to be her taxi every day. I would move, friends come and go, a bigger place is lovely and hosting family is great too.

LifeExperience · 02/05/2024 19:22

She's 5. Move to the bigger house. She will make new friends.

greengreyblue · 02/05/2024 19:25

Hmmm it’s tricky. Depends how badly you need the extra room. Good neighbours and safe play spaces is hard to find.

Branleuse · 02/05/2024 21:39

Your dd will make friends wherever, but i must say that having an area where kids can go out and play together is not as common as it used to be. I had that as a child, but my kids didnt, and i really think they missed out on a lovely childhood thing. Id be tempted to eke that out for as long as possible. It will be a godsend in school holidays.

cestlavielife · 02/05/2024 21:41

Imagine your neighbours move next month. What then?

Didimum · 02/05/2024 21:49

I would not stay in a house for the friendships of a 5yr old, no.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 02/05/2024 22:23

@NorthernMouse do you not think it's probable that a house a couple of miles away might also have a community round it like this?