DP no longer wants S

[Whatinthedoopla]

My DP has not been proactive in trying to have S, and just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I asked him, and he said it's because he is scared of getting me pregnant again.

In truth, it would destroy us having another baby, mentally and physically it would, and we had a scare about a month ago, and he said this traumatized him.

Could this be the case?

You can use the word sex.
It sounds as if another pregnancy would be extremely difficult for you both.

Yep! Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex!

If you don't want another baby make sure you are using contraception properly, and also your DP could consider a vasectomy.

SEX !!!!!

Have S. Now I've heard it all.

Has heard of contraception? And you can say sex it's not a rude word 🤣

There are a lot of issues there, not limited to you avoiding using the word sex.
Have you considered therapy? (meant kindly, not sarcasm)

You shouldn’t be having ‘scares’ if you’re on proper contraception.

He's literally told you the issue, of course that's the case.

Might be time to chat about him getting the snip.

I would definitely take him at his word. It sounds like you’ve both had a tough and confusing time recently. It might help to get back to basics for a bit? Just concentrate on hugging, emotional connection and not sex for a bit? Maybe work on trying to disassociate sex from pregnancy? Try to see it as just ‘fun’…do the other stuff maybe

Why would another baby be that terrible?

What contraception do you (both) have in place to ensure you don't get pregnant again and would you be absolutely ok with an abortion if that failed?

Sorry, I thought I wasn't allowed to use the word sex on Mumsnet haha

We can use condoms, but he just doesn't want it saying that the reason is due to him being scared.

I guess the best thing would be to just stop trying to initiate it for a while...

If S is a no go cos of P then do you use C or would he consider a V? How old are you? Do you want more K in the long run? In which case have you considered an I?

I thought you meant your husband didn’t want your son, and I was going to tell you to LTB.

It sounds like your pregnancy scare is still on his mind. I wouldn’t second guess him. He’s told you how he feels.
Stuff happens in long term relationships…I’m guessing yours is…DH didn’t want sex after we couldnt conceive, he said he saw sex as something negative because it was tied into ‘work’ to produce a baby…not the same but similar maybe in the sense that we’d stopped just doing it to have a good time.
We got back into it slowly by not forcing it, having ‘date nights’ in when the kids were in bed like a movie and drinks, going on holiday somewhere sunny and carefree helped, but also time.

Then what contraception does he want to use other than abstinence ?

I th lon ru i woul b bette t abstai the n dang o gettin pregnan
Jus m opinio

It’s fine. You can say sex, shag, fuck, screw, bouncy cuddle, make love and even intercourse. All allowed. 😂

Thought my mother was talking to me from the grave .

Maybe OP thinks S is one of Mumsnet’s many acronyms??? God knows there’s an acronym for everything on Mumsnet, she’s asking for advice though on a pretty vulnerable topic so maybe we can get back to her actual question ?

AIBU section of Mumsnet can be unreasonably bitchy OP! (in case you’re new) l

Feeling traumatised and having sex don’t really go hand in hand. I mean you’ve got to be relaxed to enjoy this stuff.

I would do what the previous poster said, keep it simple and have a dinner date and romance to get back on track?

If the idea of having another baby is that awful, maybe he could get a vasectomy?

Condoms aren't the only option. What other options have you considered?

You could go on the Pill? Depo? Implant? Mirena? Copper IUD?

Is another baby on the cards ever? If not he should get a vasectomy. Takes a few months to get the all clear so pill and condoms till then. If so then pill and condoms if that would suit you both. Condoms, used properly, are pretty reliable. But the main thing is you need to talk and listen to him talk.

When pregnancy is very bad news don’t risk scares, they can traumatise anyone!

Fwiw plenty of us are in a position where pregnancy is a terrible or dangerous idea, we still have sex. DH got a vasectomy and before that we used condoms very carefully, it was fine.

You can even say bumsex but you have to stay it out loud in a Scottish accent

This.