DP no longer wants S

[Whatinthedoopla]

My DP has not been proactive in trying to have S, and just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I asked him, and he said it's because he is scared of getting me pregnant again.

In truth, it would destroy us having another baby, mentally and physically it would, and we had a scare about a month ago, and he said this traumatized him.

Could this be the case?

Me and DP had a surprise baby when we were 10 months into our relationship, by which I mean the first inkling we had that she was pregnant was when she went into labour.

Sex afterwards was a real sticking point for me. Yes we were using contraception, but we had been when DD was conceived as well, and look how that turned out.

I'd have been perfectly happy doing other stuff, but of course the expectation was that that would lead to penetration, which honestly scared the shit out of me. We were not in a position to have another child, having one had sent our finances and our relationship to breaking point, and another one would have smashed through both like a wrecking ball.

Me and DP talked about it at length, and eventually my fears faded to a reasonable level. (Although never completely, we're in our 40s now and I still get the occasional twinge of "She could be pregnant and I'm clueless!")

God I’m as childish as you. That’s exactly what I was scrolling down to write😂

I'm the same, my hormones are awful so I don't want to go on the pill and I don't like messing with my body in any way so any kind of implant is out. Would never tell my partner what to do with his body either.

So no help, just same situation.

😀

it sounds like a legit reason, I would be scared too but then he needs to go get the snip.

@Whatinthedoopla my ex wouldn't touch me after a pregnancy scare. Barely got a brief kiss. He wouldn't use condoms. He 'fell asleep' on the settee. Avoided contact. Shut down conversation. A very lonely time for me.
I got the contraceptive injection and after about 3 months we had sex again.
Just another example of me being 100% responsible for something that should be equally discussed and agreed on.
Your dp trauma is real. Perhaps he could discuss this with a neutral party or speak to his doctor about the alternatives to a pregnancy.

😂😂😂I thought Mary Whitehouse

Well clearly none on the basis he appears happy with abstinence

Did you get accidentally pregnant? I must admit this happened to me too. I got accidentally pregnant and then was terrified of getting pregant again. Although in my case, DH refuses condoms, so it's a bit more justified.

If you are done, he can get a vasectomy. Or you talk about what you'll do to ensure pregnancies don't happen - a combination of methods, perhaps, or termination plans if that's something you'd want.

I got my tubes tied after I had a scare and the fear of getting pregnant was affecting my ability to relax and enjoy sex. If he feels that strongly he should look into a vasectomy.

I took on your advice of taking your word for it. This led me to be happier in the process while he books in a vasectomy, which he said he will do.

I guess I also missed intimacy, and asked him for cuddles and to watch a film together in bed. All of a sudden, I had an incline that he wanted sex! But I felt confused, as I didn't know if he was going to go through with it or not.

Thank you Mumsnet!

Exactly right! I expect he'll be traumatised about that, too 🙄

A sudden withdrawal of intimacy is sometimes a red flag in a relationship. It would cause me to be vigilant.

He can have a vasectomy.

😂 Last thing on my mind at 45 yo is S now,
very happy not to have it and to have a very understanding (and much older) husband!
😜😀