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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being upset my husband went to the gym while I'm pregnant and dealing with flu

85 replies

Fatandtired12 · 30/04/2024 18:13

First time Post so please bare with me.
I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with our second child and have been suffering with spd pretty bad, I work 9 hour shifts which require me to be on my feet for the duration and I get tired easily right now.

Last week husband came home with flu, he finished work early for a number of days and really suffered, I cooked, made sure the house was clean and took care of our 6 year old so he could rest. Now I'm suffering with the flu, not as badly as him as I've had my flu jab but it has worn me out. I'm trying to rest and recover for my shifts this week.

Today husband decided it was the perfect time to go back to the gym after taking the week off to recover, he waited until this afternoon to tell me and then half heartily offered to stay home to "help" (watch YouTube videos on his phone)
I admittedly told him it doesn't matter and he just nodded and left.
I know I should have told him to stay but he would have just gotten annoyed.
I'm just really upset that he decided to leave his heavily pregnant wife at home alone with their 6 year old while she's sick so he can workout.

I know im probably over reacting, I have pain moving around, been having horrific tooth and jaw pain which I've had to take co codamol for (little sleep), dealing with flu and just emotional

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 02/05/2024 22:40

Simple meals? Just no.

I showed DH my copy of The Roasting Tin cookbook (basically hack at random items, chuck in tin and put in oven) and told him to get on with it. Worked a lot better than when I tried to teach him and nearly ending up killing him with his inane questions.

Deathbyfluffy · 02/05/2024 22:42

AnnaMagnani · 30/04/2024 19:04

However disappointing they are, never fall into the trap of saying 'It doesn't matter'

They will absolutely hear 'it doesn't matter' and not the incredibly disappointed/angry tone of voice. Then when you point it out later it'll be your fault for not communicating.

If they’re idiots, yes. However most men are well aware that ‘it doesn’t matter’ means there is in fact something that does matter.

Runnerinthenight · 02/05/2024 22:44

There are some aspects of housework he says isn't his issue such as sorting laundry or cleaning the bathroom.

What century does he think he's living in? Why should you have to do his laundry or clean up after he shits?

Stop. Stop cooking for him, doing his washing etc etc etc. He needs to grow the fuck up!

Runnerinthenight · 02/05/2024 22:48

JMSA · 01/05/2024 18:28

YABU. He was probably stir crazy after being home very ill. It's a trip to the gym, not a piss-up. And it's not like you're at home with a toddler.
Just make sure that you get time to do something nice that you want to do. And I hope you feel better soon.

What a stupid comment! Are you also a man?!

Nettie1964 · 13/10/2024 18:34

You need to tell him what you expect from him. Then how he responded and behaves after will let you know what to expect in the next 20 years.

DreamW3aver · 13/10/2024 18:45

Nettie1964 · 13/10/2024 18:34

You need to tell him what you expect from him. Then how he responded and behaves after will let you know what to expect in the next 20 years.

The baby in question must be a few months old now but it would be interesting to know how things went if the OP gets a notification that the thread has been resurected

unmemorableusername · 14/10/2024 09:02

Zombie thread.

Op any updates?

mamajong · 14/10/2024 10:16

Yanbu to feel how you feel but you need to say something and be clear. Why say it's OK and then sit and seethe about it?

To reduce friction and for ease of planning we have some set jobs that are 'ours' mine is cooking as I'm.better at it and enjoy it, his is DIY and car related tasks as he is more knowledgeable but we can still ask for and receive support if we are mega busy or ill, however clear communication is key

Original poster
Fatandtired12 · 14/10/2024 19:19

Hi all, thank you to everyone who replied, it really helped me gain some perspective.
Little one is 10 weeks old now and is so cute and his big brother adores him.
As for the partner, he's now ex partner. He's been more involved with the dcs since the change but I've realised we weren't good for eachother. I enabled him by doing everything for him and he refused to change. It's been an adjustment but everyone seems happier. He's trying to work things out but we'll see.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 14/10/2024 19:26

Fatandtired12 · 14/10/2024 19:19

Hi all, thank you to everyone who replied, it really helped me gain some perspective.
Little one is 10 weeks old now and is so cute and his big brother adores him.
As for the partner, he's now ex partner. He's been more involved with the dcs since the change but I've realised we weren't good for eachother. I enabled him by doing everything for him and he refused to change. It's been an adjustment but everyone seems happier. He's trying to work things out but we'll see.

Congratulations on the birth of your DC. Sounds like the decision to make DP and ex was the right one.

Good luck with the future.

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