People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

I Was with you all the way to the last paragraph.
People who don't work because of all the shit you've mentioned aren't the enemy. They might not be as strong as you, they might be more vulnerable, they might lack the ambition you have.... But those people have been dealt the same shit that we all have, and quite frankly, what we've been dealt is disgusting.

@Kendodd
Why do you need a cleaner or gardener?
Genuine question and not being goady.

Its a condition of my tenancy that I keep the garden tidy. It doesn't have to look like a show garden. I can do some tasks but not others.

How do you intend to cope if disability or ill health ever happens to you? Not being goady, its just that you seem to have poor coping skills.

Down days and mental illness have nothing to do with each other. What are you talking about

If you are housebound, living in a dirty, untidy house and a garden (if you are lucky enough to to have one) which you can't use because it is overgrown is not going to do much for your mental wellbeing.

Very true, I was a child carer for my mother, and doing the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry etc around school and homework along with actually looking after my mother was a hard slog

I would have killed for a cleaner to take some of the strain off

Some posters live in la la land

I can't believe you even asked this question tbh @Kendodd You should be ashamed of yourself.

I think a lot of people would describe me as having poor coping skills looking at the state of my house. 😃

That must have been so tough.

And really, do you have any idea what a bed gets like when you spend most of your day in it, are too unwell to change the sheets, and also too unwell to change into clothes or clean pyjamas some days?

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Some of us just get on with spinning all the plates because that’s just what we do. I completely relate to your situation.

Ok, you've got me there. I do like clean sheets and it's the only thing I can actually be bothered to do.
Edited to add, I have heard people say ironed sheets are really lovely to sleep on. I wouldn't know though, never done ironing 😀

My dad had a psychotic breakdown and got arrested by the police when he couldn't cope with work. Received disability benefits for the rest of his life. Every time he tried to get back into any kind of work, even voluntary, he completely lost it again with the paranoia and deluded thinking. I know it's not a race to the bottom or a zero-sum game but that felt like a step up from having a cry in the Sainsbury's car park. I currently have cancer, have suffered with OCD all my life and cry most days but I still think I am capable to work whereas some people with mental health issues, like my dad, really aren't.

I have severe anxiety and depression, I'm medicated. I had to be signed off from work due to a breakdown, I had no physical ability to continue working. It got to the point I was constantly vomiting and couldn't eat anything. I was 6.5 stone and the lowest point was chucking up in a clients kitchen sink and being slumped on the floor with adrenaline shakes 😩.

I work for myself now and these meds are working a lot better, so I feel lucky. If my meds ever stop working I don't think I could live through that again.

@Fedupandgrump I haven’t RTFT but I’ve read your posts and I get where you are coming from.

I say this as someone who had a nervous breakdown nearly 10 years ago now which I don’t think I ever fully recovered from. My brain certainly doesn’t work in the same way it used to emotionally or in terms of executive function.

More recently my DH has had MH challenges which led to a couple of suicide attempts. One attempt he was found by police and taken to a safe space on a psychiatric ward. I asked the panel not to release him the next day and they did. He went straight back to work. He’s never taken a day off and only now, 5 years and a couple more attempts later, is he ready to accept talking therapy.

Every experience of mental health is different and not feeling you can take time off doesn’t invalidate or diminish what you are going through. With my OH, I often thought that him feeling like he couldn’t take time off was symptomatic of mental illness. He was clinging on to some semblance of control by his fingertips. He felt totally overwhelmed and taking time away just meant a bigger mountain of crap to come back to. Holding fast to his routine meant he could flick the autopilot switch and get up in the morning.

Take care of yourself and try to get some downtime where you can relax. Even a couple of hours here and there could help. And I am a big advocate of talking therapies!

I have struggled with my mental health on and off for over 20 years, since I was a teenager. Way, way before there was so much awareness.

I am a single parent now with 2 young kids and a career. I am on a high dose of anti depressants. I don't know if I will ever be able to reduce the dose or come off them. I worry about the side effects. There are still some days when I don't want to get up, or I feel like I can't cope, and yes there are days when I sit in the car and cry. But if I wasn't on them I wouldn't be able to do anything.

Some people with physical disabilities are able to work with adjustments. Some aren't able to work at all.

There are some people, like me, who are able to work with mental illness if they have adjustments. In fact for me it is better if I work. There are other people whose mental health is so bad they will never be able to. BUT there are some people who are doing themselves a disservice and probably could work a little. But the support isn't there for them to do this. And the longer they are off work the less confidence they will have, and the longer they are out of work the more difficult it becomes.

The mental health support in this country is really diabolical. That doesn't help. A couple of years ago when I was going through a really bad patch I was referred to talking therapies. After a long time waiting, I finally got an appointment, only to have to cancel it at short notice because my son was off school with the flu. I was taken off their list.

@WiseKhakiGooseI was focusing on your opening statement where it was clear you were referring to all people.

"OP, what you don’t realise is that people who feel so bad now that don't work because of anxiety, were once people like you, who worked with anxiety for years"

I think MANY people from multiple generations of non-workers on benefits are losing steam for new excuses to not work. So they are picking the illnesses you can fabricate and imitate and be totally convincing with. In turn, it makes it far harder for those who do suffer to get real support, as again, it's another service which becomes overwhelmed.

We no longer live in a society where enough people want to contribute to it but still want to benefit from it, we have a crippled education and housing system which exacerbates everything.

I absolutely understand what you're saying as some will be driven individuals with a disabling mental heath problem. But, we need to face facts, the benefits system has been fit to burst for decades as the problems, the real problems aren't being tackled.

I hope I'm not coming across rude but it's something I feel passionately about. I hate the thought of those who NEED going without because there is a lazy, greedy collective of people out there making it shit for the rest.

I should add that the reason I'm often unable to change a bed is that I'm physically disabled and in fact a wheelchair user.

I have better days and worse days, and never very much strength. And even though I now have more better days than during my worst period, I still have to choose between changing the bed and eating anything hot: I won't be well enough to do both in the same day. My diet is not one anyone would envy.

My thoughts exactly. So sick of the way politics can be used to divide people and make us turn on each other. Let’s not start hating on people who are unable to work due to their MH when the real issue is the lack of support when people first come forward.

I think MANY people from multiple generations of non-workers on benefits are losing steam for new excuses to not work.

Ugh. Do you understand how very few people this describes?

@Kendodd saying you have never had anxiety or depression because you have a relaxed attitude is like saying you have never had cancer because you have a relaxed attitude.

Clinical depression and anxiety do not happen because people worry themselves into a frenzy about sheets. You are showing how very little you understand about these illnesses.

Yes I bet they all have great long term health outcomes.
Just like disabled people in countries where there is no support for disabled people all manage to live rich, full, healthy lives with no accommodations for their needs.
Except, not.

And you can take your quote marks off mental health too.

I worked all the way through my nervous breakdown- god only knows why they let me - I literally sat at my desk crying and typing for 8 hours! Ife been on antibiotics depressants on and off for 30 odd years. During that time I've had cbt, private and NHS counselling and currently having something called listening therapy. I have worked full time for all that except now as I gave cancer.

@Engaea well said.

It's the classic "stiff upper lip/keep calm carry on" mentality with little to no accounting for any of the multitude of other pertinent factors affecting someone's ability to work.

They're incapable of thinking at a granular level. It's really no wonder we are where we are with government policies.

I see your frustration. There are people that use poor mental health as an excuse, then complain when thing don’t go their way or they are called in for poor performance.

m But over the past year, two females at work has severe mental health crisis. Both had amazing work ethic but their health meant that they couldn’t work and wanted to. they both had breakdowns and both went on medication.

It's not a perfect analogy though. You can't talk therapy your way out of cancer, but many times you can do so out of anxiety or depression.