DH’s (in)ability to look after newborn

[BurntThePastaAgain]

Posting here vs parenting as want a range of views and happy to be told IABU in my postpartum haze.

We have x3 DDs, DH works, I am on ML. Youngest is 11 weeks old. DH is fantastic with the older two, and was when they were babies, but I am essentially a single mother with our youngest. He will do stuff but only if I ask. I EBF so all the feeds are on me. It’s exhausting and a bit depressing.

Before anyone suggests “he’s not psychic” and that I should ask/explain, I have asked and explained several times how I feel but nothing has changed. He seems completely unable to think “oh I’ll change her nappy”. I’m a data weirdo and have an app that he has access to on his phone which has every nappy change, feed and sleep, so he has all the info there.

For example, this evening he sorted laundry outside the bedroom (helpful, I know, but it’s his laundry too) whilst listening to me rock and shush the baby for 30 mins as she cried and cried. I’ve been rocking/shushing/feeding/changing her all day whilst doing the food shop, and looking after/feeding/wiping x2 toddlers. I cannot imagine a reverse where I’d feel comfortable letting him struggle for 30 mins whilst I did something else. Sorting laundry in peace feels luxurious at this point 😂

AIBU to be frustrated by him?

And you sound lovely 🥰

I agree with this advice. I lost count of the number of different teats I tried with one of my kids. I bought every single one I could find before eventually getting success with a really cheap, old-fashioned latex teat. Sadly, I'd tried all the most expensive, silicone ones first. (We were also BM only, with the teat for occasional EBM.) IIRC, the bottle was irrelevant - it was the teat.

god some depressing replies here - the OP should have to 'ask' the father of a baby who has been crying solidly for half an hour to 'help' her by taking the baby? jesus wept.

I'd never jump in unasked when someone else is trying to settle a baby though?

Why are people jumping on hating the use of an app?

If it helps parents' confidence caring for their baby, what's the problem?

The app does sound a bit odd to me...but its been a long time since I had a newborn and I wouldn't have remembered to use it if I had had it at the time!!

Look, it's perfectly normal to lose your marbles a bit when you've been up to your eyes in nappies for YEARS. My sister is a very sensible, normal well-balanced woman and even she went mental after ther third baby. She had three kids aged under three at that point, and it wasn't helped by me asking if she'd figured out what caused it...but kids get older, life gets easier. I think you do just have to shout for help if you need it, and not expect people to just know you need help.