DP wants to delay IVF - who is right?

[alphonsodelicio]

DP and I get married in July. We’re both 30 and after years of TTC, turns out we’ll need IVF due to an issue detected through recent tests. We’re on NHS wait list for fertility clinic.

Our honeymoon is booked for January (chosen for the right season). I know IVF can be a long road, so I want to start the process a couple of months after the wedding, before the honeymoon (we’d pay privately if NHS referral is not ready). E.g. if we started IVF in September and it worked first time around, I’d still only be in early pregnancy for our Jan honeymoon and would be safe to fly. Equally if it didn’t work, at least we’d have started the process and will hopefully have frozen embryos to transfer when we return.

DP on the other hand thinks I’m crazy and is v against starting anything until we return from honeymoon next year. We’ve been TTC for years and I feel sick of waiting, and want to start the process ASAP to give us the best chances fertility wise (given our ages).

Am I being totally unrealistic, as DP says?

I would move the honeymoon to just after the wedding. Go somewhere different if the weather will be a problem. If you do conceive you may surprise yourself with how much you don’t want to fly off to a foreign country or as others have said may be ill. Ive been in the position of ttc and worrying about whether it will happen. It was all consuming for me and I don’t think I would want to feel like that for any longer than I had to!

Yes but I guess the wedding is not until July so she’s already waiting until then anyway, so adding another 4 months on to that may not seem like ‘just a few months’ .

I’m just sympathising that waiting until next January to even start trying must seem like a long way away.

You might feel sick as a dog, tired all the time, hormones all over the place and moody, and heck knows what else while pregnant. Which would guaranteed spoil a honeymoon for both of you.
Start when you are back. Have a good break - you will need it. IVF can be gruelling on many levels.

I think it would be silly not to delay. There are plenty of reasons why it is a good idea that have already been outlined on this thread.

The OP is talking about 4 months not 4 years.

I fell pregnant (unplanned but a happy surprise) and already had a holiday booked. I was 14 weeks when we flew and I'd had an easy pregnancy. However, we were delayed for 6 hours and it really took its toll on me. I didnt enjoy most of the holiday. Plus the fact that although the pregnancy was easy I still had some nausea and only wanted familiar, bland food.

I'd say don't go private before the honeymoon, but if you come up on the NHS waiting list before you travel then take that up.

Could you change your honeymoon to a different destination where you could go straight after the wedding? It depends on your Ts&Cs. We transferred destination and dates of a holiday last year and as long as it was the same company and rhe holiday was at least the same price they were happy for us to change (this was with Jet2). Good luck whatever you decide x

I know I’m a lone voice on here but say the OP waits until after the honeymoon so realistically next Feb. Then she won’t find out until
March if they’re successful. That’s nearly a year away. And she’s talking about getting going and freezing embryos so that when she gets back from honeymoon if the first round isn’t successful they’ll be ready to go then.

Fertility varies massively and they have clearly had some issues and have been trying for years.

I wouldn’t want to wait another year.

But I met my DH at 30 and we both decided to park the wedding and focus on having children first as that was what was important to us and although you think you’ll still be very fertile at that age. You never know.

So I am not ‘team DH’ I’m team OP and completely get where she is coming from. Time is of essence.

I’d bring the honeymoon forward and get going with ivf. If you’re at the point of doing ivf you were ready for a baby a long time ago. I can see why waiting another 6 months just wouldn’t feel like a viable option. I wouldn’t enjoy the honeymoon the same anyway knowing that’s what’s delaying us starting ivf.

I’ve had 4 cycles of IVF. I would wait, enjoy the holiday, and then start the treatment afterwards. It’s grueling and a holiday in the sun would probably put your body in a better starting place. I do totally get the urge to crack on though.

Everyone’s assuming you’ll be pregnant from one round of ivf.

Cruel. Chances are you won’t.

You’ll be sore, sad, distracted and full of mood-altering hormones on what’s supposed to be a celebration of your coupledom.

DP’s right imho - save the rollercoaster till you’ve had some fun. It won’t affect the outcome.

After having fertility treatment which we paid for(it didn't work), I'm with your DH.
in the scheme of things 4 months is not long and you are sensibly getting things sorted at an early age.
If uou did go for it and it was immediately successful, you could
Be suffering from awful hormonal issues
Be suffering from morning sickness
Be too tired
Be too concerned now that you're pregnant.to want to go abroad/Fly/relax enough and really enjoy your break.
Not well enough to go abroad.

Not everyone reacts to pregnancy in the same way.

I'd go with DH , have your honeymoon, comeback relaxed and refreshed ready for treatment x

Good luck with your treatment. X

I have to say this is a really good idea, and something I hadn’t thought about. I do feel this could be the perfect halfwayhouse so that we are still making some progress, but also not potentially ruining our honeymoon. Thank you - this is something we can ask the clinic about when the time comes.

I would wait. Morning sickness could potentially spoil your holiday. And personally I was quite anxious during the first trimester as I was worried about a miscarriage and would have preferred to stay home where I knew where everything was if i needed them (doctors, hospitals, etc) .

I seem to remember when we were going through the IVF process back in 2018/19 that there was some evidence emerging that FET had a slightly higher success rate. I don't know if that's still the case but I think it can be very beneficial from a stress/mental wellbeing perspective if nothing else.

That’s really interesting - I’ll have a look in to this. Thank you!