DP wants to delay IVF - who is right?

[alphonsodelicio]

DP and I get married in July. We’re both 30 and after years of TTC, turns out we’ll need IVF due to an issue detected through recent tests. We’re on NHS wait list for fertility clinic.

Our honeymoon is booked for January (chosen for the right season). I know IVF can be a long road, so I want to start the process a couple of months after the wedding, before the honeymoon (we’d pay privately if NHS referral is not ready). E.g. if we started IVF in September and it worked first time around, I’d still only be in early pregnancy for our Jan honeymoon and would be safe to fly. Equally if it didn’t work, at least we’d have started the process and will hopefully have frozen embryos to transfer when we return.

DP on the other hand thinks I’m crazy and is v against starting anything until we return from honeymoon next year. We’ve been TTC for years and I feel sick of waiting, and want to start the process ASAP to give us the best chances fertility wise (given our ages).

Am I being totally unrealistic, as DP says?

@waterrat

its a few months to wait. She’s still young.

why not just enjoy the honeymoon? Including cocktails!

Also I don't know where you're travelling to but don't forget about zika! Also second the sickness thing which would be more miserable in hot weather for sure

Not sure if mentioned by anyone, but Zika is a potential issue in many warm holiday destinations. You probably have already considered, but flagging if not 🤗

Edit: clearly mentioned by the poster above!

I was in the exact same situation as you and I wanted to push forward and start ASAP, my partner didn’t, they wanted to wait until after wedding/honeymoon.

After speaking to our consultant we decided to wait. I’m so so glad we did. It worked first time for us which was great but early pregnancy was really difficult. I felt awful and was also high risk, I ended up at the early pregnancy assessment unit a couple of times - had I been on my honeymoon this wouldn’t have been possible!

good luck!

If you are doing private IVF you could do the first part of the cycle after your wedding and hopefully freeze a decent number of embryos, and postpone the transfer until after your honeymoon.

If you're waiting on an NHS referral then there's a very good chance you'll still be twiddling your thumbs a year from now anyway.

If you were 10 years older I’d say start IVF, but I think you should wait. I felt so ill when I was in my first trimester. Spend this time enjoying being newlyweds, and focussing on getting yourself as healthy as possible. Then you can come home from honeymoon in great health and well rested ready to begin the IVF.

Best of luck with it whatever you choose.

I understand how you feel. I TTC for my 1st for 4 years and then suffered 6 miscarriages before my second. However, at 30 starting after January most probably won’t make too much difference but I do think it will make a big difference to your MH. As another PP says, you will look back on this time and be really grateful that you fully embraced your wedding, after the wedding and then your honeymoon.
As another PP suggested, you could feel terrible of you were pregnant on honeymoon, both mentally and physically. I had take cyclogest which you take during IVF for my second pregnancy and it made my sickness worse. I felt sick all day everyday for 16 weeks until I could stop taking them. But not everyone feels this way just another thing to consider.

I had food poisoning on holiday whilst I was pregnant,really not fun ..if you are going in jan that suggests somewhere hot and long haul so why cause yourself extra stress?

I did a lot of IVF and travelled as normal when pregnant including to a work thing in the Far East. It was fine. But for a honeymoon I’d bear in mind that IVF hormones can make you moody and bloated including during pregnancy if you use extra progesterone. IVF can also be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I’d probably leave it until you get back unless your drs really think it will make a difference. You can always do all the preparatory tests in advance so you’ll be ready to start as soon as you get back.

Are you talking about trying to get pregnant via IVF or trying to freeze embryos?

If you want to freeze embryos then why wait. The single biggest factor affecting women's fertility is age. 30 is quite young so you'll probably have similar results now as in a few months time. But January feels like almost a whole year away. That seems a very long time to wait.

I think trying to get frozen embryos you should try as soon as possible.

With early pregnancy comes awful morning sickness for some women. I wouldn’t want to risk my holiday being ruined by sickness.

Im half way between you both.

I get wanting to start now and I get wanting to wait. Why not ask if your clinic has any policy on wait times between retrieval and transfer? If you're doing a FET at my clinic, some couples waited many months in between especially.if they had OHSS. we had a FET but we went straight from retrieval to FET on the next cycle that we could, but we could have waited and j now think we should have taken a little holiday to recover from the first part of the process. It might be nice to get the first bit done and, as you say, let your blasts chill in the freezer and start your implantation cycle when you her back from a lovely honeymoon?

Why don't you have your honeymoon straight after the wedding and then crack on with IVF?

Apologies if I missed something.

I can see both sides, but on balance, I am Team Wait and Enjoy your Honeymoon first!

It’s April now. Waiting until next January seems a long time to wait. It’s not just a few months. It’s coming on for 9 months.

This.

Awful morning sickness with first. Physically every morning at home, if I smelled something at work I'd have to run to the toilets...

With second, constant nausea but most of all fatigue. I just wanted bed.

I still do!

I think if you can move your honeymoon so it’s not 6 months after the wedding that might be the best plan. You’ll just feel in limbo for 6 months.

Personally, I'd wait till after the honeymoon. You could find one thing triggers the feeling sick - for me it was the smell of coffee. I can't imagine taking a long plane journey feeling that sick, let alone coming back, aside from breakfasts, coffee being brought past my sunlounger etc.

A compromise would be to go through the process of the drugs, egg collection and fertilisation and then freeze the embryos. You can have the embryo transfer when you're back from honeymoon.

I haven’t voted because I don’t think you ABU, but I’m team DP.

I had fertility treatment (I now have 2 DC, fingers crossed it works for you too!)
I understand not wanting to wait, and just get on with it - DC1 took 6 years to conceive, and I did not want to wait any longer. But I was older. if you were 38 I’d say crack on, but at 30 you can wait a few months.

With both pregnancies I was exhausted in the 1st trimester. I was lucky in that I didn’t get bad morning sickness but I did have ongoing mild nausea. I was also pretty obsessed with doing everything by the book (no shellfish, no alcohol, no soft cheese, only exercise that I was doing pre pregnancy, etc etc).

Enjoy your honeymoon, then come back focussed on the IVF

It’s not a few months though. She’ll be waiting until after next January to start. That may be the right decision but I think it will still seem like a long time to the OP. I think it’s downplaying it by saying ‘oh it’s just a few months’.

That’s what is making it hard for her. She will have to put it all on hold for another 9 months.

I have to say I'm with DP on this. I understand your point of wanting to start straight away. You've been trying for years with no success, I think you should enjoy the period after your wedding and honeymoon, without worrying or stress of trying and IVF. You both deserve it!
Delaying it for 4 months shouldn't have a huge impact. Wish you all the best on your journey.

I would wait, and really enjoy the honeymoon as IVF is a hell of a journey, and a very physical one for you. Relax, enjoy the post-wedding high and the trip and then go for it.

I had twins and early pregnancy was very hard, I was at the hospital a lot with bleeds/monitoring. I’d have absolutely hated being away from my consultant during that time, in fact I just wouldn’t have gone away.

Team DP on this, simply because I was always utterly miserable in early pregnancy. At 30 you do still have time on your side.

OP wants to start in September, her partner wants to wait till January. That's why we're saying it's only a few months, because it is.