Do boys stay in touch as adults?

[jumpingjacksss]

If you have adult boys, do they stay in touch much once left home? I have 2 boys both v young and I would hate to hardly see them once left home so hence asking on here for your experiences with adult sons

My DH keeps in close contact with his mum. On the phone several times a week and popping round for visits. She's widowed and his brother moved away so he does make a point of keeping in touch, but I think he would have anyway.

My younger son isn’t an adult yet but my dd, 33 we rarely hear from. Flying visit every now and then.

Dh calls his parents when he wants something. Db calls out parents for birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

I could go weeks without hearing from my DS in his 20s because he was out enjoying himself. That was fine - I quite understood because, even though I am a DD, I had been the same with my parents when I was in my 20s. Now my DS is in his 30s with his first child I hear from him every few days and see him once a month even though he lives more than 3 hours drive away. I hear from his wife at least once a week too. (I should say I have tried hard to be the perfect MIL, although it has not been difficult as she is a really great DIL.)
I think the important thing is that you have a good relationship as they are growing up, and make it clear that you are always there for your children - of either sex - if they need you.

I think it would be helpful to ask if these adult sons are married, or have children.
It’s very mixed in my own family, some do some don’t, but there is a clear link between extent of contact as an adult and their relationship with parents growing up.

DS is 24 and calls me 5-10 times a week! We exchange lots of messages too.

He lives 50 miles away so I probably see him once every couple of months. I see my DD27 the same amount, and message the same, but she and I probably only talk on the phone once a week.

So stop worrying!!

My husband texts his mum weekly and they have group family chats.
His dad is deceased but him and his mum were divorced.
He hardly ever makes the effort to go and see her.
I've had friction with her in the past but on the whole we get along ok now for the sake of me just biting my tongue mostly. I personally think he should make more of an effort but he's just not that bothered.

Yes ive got a son in his late twenties
We get on OK and good too at times,
we keep in often

We have had our issues still work in progress so to speak,

Why? Does that somehow mean they can’t call their family?

time and time again you see women on here not wanting a boy because they’ll have nothing in common. The boy will play football and not like clothes and shopping, so they won’t do anything together.

imo it’s self fulfilling. If you assume right from the get go you and your boy will be so different, and never make an attempt to find common interests, of course once they’re adults they’ll drift away.

i have an acquaintance who split her family on gender lines. Boy went to football with dad, girl went to dance and shopping with mum. She now thinks it’s some sort of natural thing where boys don’t keep in touch, girls do, when it’s because she never spent any time with the boy growing up.

edit- the poster quoted edited so this makes less sense!

My son aged 33 is the light of my life as are his children. I see him a lot though I always ask if it is ok to drop round! He is kind, sensitive and a brilliant father. I’m so proud of him. He is also domesticated and takes an equal part both with child care and housework with his wife.

I know from my own family that the relationship between the mother and her sons’ female partners is often key. Wise mothers will be very, very careful not to fall out with, criticise, offer unsolicited advice to or in anyway undermine the position of their DILs. Those who are unwise enough to do any of those things invariably pay the price.

As you may have gathered from responses, it all depends and mainly, it's what you make of it.
My DH saw his parents regularly, weekly, but I think they would say they had very little idea of his life even though he lived less than 15miles from them. I always had the idea that they thought we were rather dull.
My BiL calls their mum frequently but sporadically. I think she'd say she has a good idea of his frame of mind.
In general, it's what you make of it: if you build a close relationship with your sons and make their WAGs welcome, you and they will keep in touch. I know plenty of women with sons who have easily achieved this.

I have a DD who is my eldest DC and 2 DS's. I see my younger son at least 2-3 times a week. He always comes over for dinner on Wednesday because that is lasagne night. He takes some home with him for lunch at work the next day too. Most weeks he takes me out for breakfast. Either I will pop over for a coffee with him and to play with his cats or he will come to see DH and me. He only lives 3 miles away. He only moved out last year. My elder DS lives 150 miles away but DH and I go to see him about once every 2 months. He lives 30 miles away from MiL so we see both at once. He comes to see me about 3 times a year. I see both sons more than my DD. She lives 180 miles away and comes to visit me 3 times a year staying over a weekend. I go to see her and DGS's 3 or 4 times a year. I have really good relationships with all 3 of my DC and get along well with SiL and DS's gf's too. We message each other all the time. Younger DS goes out occasionally with his step dad to a cinema or a curry and stepdad is often over at my younger son's house doing DIY for him.

I have 3 DBs, all keep on contact with each other regularly & with our DP. Live in different cities but do facetime calls every week & meet up to go to gigs, camping etc. Early 40s - mid 50s.
They speak more often that I do to DSis tbh.

DS ( 29 ) FaceTimes me once a week or so and we message back and forth a couple of times

We see him and his GF maybe 6 or 7 times a year , they work in London we live about 4 hours away

My brother was super close with us, his family of origin, until he got married, and then pretty much totally dropped us. We see him and his family maybe 2 or 3 times a year but it's gone from messaging nearly every day to just a quick text on birthdays and Christmas. It makes me really sad.

I think these sorts of threads are prone to bias as more often than not, people who have sons who do keep in touch will comment. I have 2 girls and tbh I don’t think it matters whether you have boys or girls, I think it all comes down to personalities.

I think it comes down to parenting and personality rather than gender if I'm honest. If you foster a good relationship with a child then it will likely continue into adulthood. That being said personality and shared interests also play a part. My brothers spend at lot more time with both my parents as they have a shared love of sports.

In my experience if your kids don't stay in touch 9/10 times it's because of the childhood they had and now they want distance.
Do your best for them, fill their cup and they'll fill yours and more.

Until my mam passed away last year we saw each other most days and she would message pretty often anyways. She moved 300 miles away for a while but we still kept in touch, went to visit and had days out.

Couldn't have imagined it any other way.

I see my adult son once a week on average- but he does live quite near. We swap Wordles every morning, and we have an active family Whatsapp. Just checked- we've had 4 text chats today-but he is having some hassle at work that I am helping him with- that's not a normal day.

I spoke to my dad by phone every day from the time I first got a job at until he died when I was 24...sometimes we had nothing to say just said hi. The only days I missed were when I was abroad in holiday (he died in 1993)

I was living at home until I was 22😂. Yes we stay in touch

I agree with this. But that still vindicates the idea that ‘a son’s a son… etc’

I’ve personally seen many, many mothers of sons totally at the mercy of their DIL’s generosity and Emotional Intelligence (or not) over the years. There usually isn’t the same level of ‘gatekeeping’ in relationships with adult daughters.

I don't have an adult son, but my partner sees his mum regularly. Also when I was younger, my dad used to take us to see our grandparents every Sunday morning.

My brother pops in to see our mum once a month or so. Doesn't bother phoning or messaging in between really